Moving On
by SP-in-Sirius-Denial
Summary: Remus is having a very bad day and Sirius goes to help him. Can his best friend help him through his troubled times? Or will he take the easy way out. What about when the roles are reversed? Please give feedback!
1. A Not So Relaxing Bath

Well, this concept has probably been done millions of times before, but I saw the Butterfly Effect recently and a scene in it sparked me to write it. Good movie by the way, it's gotten some hardcore bad reviews but I thought it was great! 3 Ashton 3  
  
Anyway, I hope you like it and will give me feedback  
  


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Sirius, James and Peter looked up as the portrait hole shut with a slam, causing the fat lady to emit a scream heard from inside. They then caught sight of a very upset Remus Lupin storming past them and racing up the stairs. Once he was out of sight they all looked at each other, confusion evident on their faces.  
  
"What was that all about?" James asked, almost amusedly.  
  
"Not a clue," Peter squeaked.  
  
"Remus never acts like that. Something must have happened. What do you bet it has to do with Brie?" Sirius replied, looking slightly worried. Remus was head over heals in love with Brianna Jones and the marauders all knew that she was beginning to get suspicious of where he disappeared to every month.  
  
"Yah, it must be her."  
  
"I think we should go check on him," Sirius decided. The other two looked apprehensive about the idea. "What?" he added.  
  
"You know how Remus is when he gets mad....I don't think it's a good idea to talk to him until he cools off a bit." James replied cautiously.  
  
"James have we ever seen Remus that upset?!"  
  
James and Peter shook their heads.  
  
"So this is obviously different..."  
  
"Sorry Sirius, you go right ahead, but I think we should wait a bit."  
  
Sirius threw up his arms and stood up, making his way over to the stairs leading to the boys dormitory. He opened the door and peered in but didn't see Remus anywhere. He walked all the way into the room but still saw no sign of Remus. He then looked to the bathroom and walked in. There was a puddle forming from one of the bathtubs and he could hear that the water was still running.  
  
Knowing exactly what must have happened Sirius rushed forward and threw back the shower curtain where he saw Remus, fully clothed and fully submerged in the water. He wasn't moving.  
  
"Oh my God!" Sirius muttered and quickly turned the knobs off and unplugged the drain. He then pulled Remus up so that his head was out of the water. At first it seemed that Remus was already dead and Sirius was really beginning to panic. However, Remus's eyes shot open, followed by a sharp intake of breath. Remus then began to cough up all the water from his lungs and tears began to fall down his face.  
  
"Oh thank God!" Sirius muttered, wrapping his arms around Remus's neck and burying his face in his wet hair. "What the fuck were you doing there Remus. Why are you doing this?!"  
  
Remus's face crumpled and he began to sob. "Brie-broke-up-with me..." The water was now down around his waste and he slumped back down into the bathtub.  
  
"Why? What happened?"  
  
"She-thinks that I-that I've been cheating-on her."  
  
"Why would she think that?"  
  
"Full moon," Remus moaned.  
  
"Maybe you should tell her?"  
  
Remus sat up straight and shook his head vigorously. "No! She can't ever know. I'd rather she think I'm cheating on her than have her know...she- she's said things about werewolves-after that lesson in defense. She thinks they should all be-all be killed." Remus leaned his head back against the tub and cried some more.  
  
Sirius sighed. "Why do you want to be with someone who thinks that of people like you?"  
  
"Because I love her," Remus moaned in a most heartbreaking tone. The water was now completely drained from the tub.  
  
"I know you do mate, but there are millions of other girls out there...some of them probably won't mind werewolves either! Cheer up Rem. I know it hurts now but...it'll get better. You don't want to end your life now!"  
  
"Yes I do Sirius," he sobbed. "Please go away and let me refill this fucking tub!"  
  
"Remus...I can't believe you're doing this to yourself...and to everyone else around you! You've come such a long way here at Hogwarts and you're going to let it end here? Over some girl?! I didn't think you could be this selfish," Sirius nearly yelled.  
  
"Selfish?! How the hell am I being selfish Sirius? I suffer more than any other person in this school. I have to hide a deadly secret from everyone! I'm a constant risk to every person here! If anything I'm doing everyone a favor by ending my life before I can do any of the damage that I have the potential to create."  
  
"What about me? What about the marauders. There isn't a Prongs, a Wormtail, or a Padfoot without a Moony. We'd all be completely lost without you Rem. How can you even think of just leaving us like that?" Sirius asked, tears welling in his own eyes.  
  
"I just don't want to hurt anymore," Remus moaned and buried his face in his knees, clothes squishing as he moved.  
  
Sirius knelt close to the tubs edge and rubbed Remus's soaking wet back. "Before this whole thing with Brie your pain was tolerable, right Rem?"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"Because we helped you get through it, right?"  
  
Again Remus nodded.  
  
"What makes you think we can't help you get through this?"  
  
Remus lifted his head and stared at Sirius with his bloodshot eyes.  
  
"At least let us give it a shot," Sirius said lightly giving Remus his trademark smile. "Now get out of that fucking tub!"  
  
With redness tinting his cheeks Remus slowly stood. He was shaking slightly so Sirius grabbed his hands to keep him upright. Once the two were several feet from the bathtub Sirius muttered a drying spell.  
  
"There," he said. "Good as new."  
  
Remus looked down and said sadly, "Not yet."  
  
"I know, Rem, I know. But you'll get over her and you'll find someone else. You're a good catch."  
  
"Nah...I think I'm done with girls for a while. I seem to get a little too attached."  
  
"That you do, that you do."  
  
Remus sighed so deeply it was as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He looked up at Sirius again, his lip quivering.  
  
"Hey," Sirius said quietly pulling Remus into a tight embrace. "It's going to be alright mate. You'll see."  
  
Remus nodded violently and began to cry again.  
  
"Shhhh," Sirius murmured comfortingly, rubbing Remus's back softly. They stood like that for a long time, until Remus's tears again ran dry.  
  
"The next couple of weeks are going to be hard Rem, but you can and WILL make it through them. Come to me whenever you need me and promise me you'll stay away from the bathtub. You are to stick to showers is that understood?"  
  
Remus laughed into Sirius's shoulder and nodded.  
  
"Do you promise not to attempt this again?"  
  
Pulling back slightly Remus looked up into Sirius's face and thought for a moment. "Yeah, I promise."  
  
"Good...because if you were gone I'd really miss you a whole lot!" Sirius said in a childish voice, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
"Shall we go downstairs? I'm not particularly fond of standing in the bathroom."  
  
"I think I'm just going to go lay down in my bed till dinner."  
  
"Do you want me to stay with you?"  
  
"You don't have to," Remus said looking down.  
  
"I will anyway, just until you fall asleep. Sound good?"  
  
Remus nodded and the two left the bathroom.  
  
After removing his robes Remus crawled into his bed. Sirius dragged a chair up and sat beside him.  
  
"Do you need anything Rem?"  
  
"No, thanks though...for everything."  
  
"It's my pleasure Mr. Moony."  
  
Remus smiled at him genuinely, but the smile didn't last long.  
  
"Sirius, you're not going to tell the others...are you?"  
  
"Not if you don't want me to. This can be our little secret. But if you try it again I will tell James and Peter. I don't think you'll be doing it again though. Did you really want to die?"  
  
"I don't know...I really just wanted all this—shit to go away, you know? Death seemed like the only way to make things better." His voice cracked but he didn't cry again.  
  
"Yah but you wouldn't have been able to enjoy not having all that shit...you wouldn't be able to enjoy anything."  
  
"You're right...it seemed like that would be better than suffering but...I suppose it wouldn't be. I wish I had talked to you before this...I feel like such a...dork."  
  
Sirius laughed. "You are a dork...and that's why we like you."  
  
Remus smiled and closed his eyes. "Do you promise everything will be okay Sirius?"  
  
"Yah, Rem I do."  
  
With his eyes still closed Remus nodded his head and then drifted off into peaceful painless sleep, while Sirius thought bitterly, "And what if I had followed James and Peter's cowardess?"  
  


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To be continued or not to be continued??? Please review and tell me what you think. I think this little ficcy can easily stand alone, but if enough people want it I can create a little more. I can also make it a slash fic or leave it as is. Just let me know what you think! 


	2. A Piece of Steak

Chapter 2 and a disclaimer (I don't own really own anything except the computer this was written on!)  
  
Thanks for all who reviewed! I was hoping to get a few more than I got, but I'm going to keep writing anyway...because it's fun lol!  
  
Plaris: Thanks for the welcome back to writing :) It has been a while since I've written anything, and I suppose I missed it. Thanks for the compliments and here is the continuation.  
  
Jemma Blackwell: I'm glad you like sensitive Sirius. Personally I like having all the characters really sensitive even though it's really unnatural. But it's good and fluffy in the end, right? I'm glad you don't care which side I take, slash or not. I'm afraid that no matter which side I pick half the people reading will stop. Good to know I have one who will be happy either way :)  
  
Eizoku: I know what you mean about them just being right together, it's almost like JKR wrote them to be, both canines, moon and star, etc. Although I doubt she'd ever actually write anything of the sort, that probably wouldn't go over well. Thanks for the review!  
  
Rainbow Dust: I know it sounds like it's heading towards slash, but it may not. The way I write it always seems like it's heading that way. If you read my first story you'll see that. I read over it now and then and think this is slash without anything physical. It's just the way my mind works, lol. Anyway, thanks for reviewing :)  
  
Nolwe the Lady Dragon: Don't worry nothing will happen immediately, if it even happens at all, so worry not! Thanks for reviewing!  
  
SexyBlack: Continuing for you :) As for the slash thing I'm thinking the same as you, I want to have a sweet story without slash, but sometimes when I write stuff that's really sweet, I think to myself "Straight guys wouldn't do that." Read my profile to understand my thoughts on slash. But don't worry my mind is not made up on the slash factor yet...I think I'd suck at writing real slash, so, ummm...we'll see. I remember you as an older reviewer and I don't want to disappoint!  
  
Queen Vampyre Akasha: I'm glad you liked it so much! You'll see what Remus comes to think of Sirius, and I hope you'll like it. I think you will...at the end. And that doesn't necessarily mean there will be slash, I'm still up in the air about that. Thanks for reviewing!!!  
  
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A Piece of Steak  
  
After watching Remus sleep for quite a while, Sirius made his way down the stairs angrily. He stopped at the base of the stairs waiting to catch James and Peter's eyes. It didn't take long.  
  
"How was it Sirius?"  
  
With a glare Sirius made his way over to them and sat down with a huff. "You guys are asses."  
  
Peter was taken a back and James punched him lightly. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"How can you just ignore your friend when he's in pain like that?"  
  
"Is Remus okay?" James asked.  
  
"He'll be alright, but I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't gone after him."  
  
"What do you mean?" Peter asked nervously.  
  
"Never mind that," Sirius said with a sigh, wanting so badly to reveal exactly what happened but he wouldn't break his promise to Remus. "Just...if you ever see him like that again, go after him. Remus always feels alone, we need to be there for him whenever we can."  
  
"But Remus can be...scary," Peter mumbled.  
  
"What's he going to do to you Pete?!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
"I—"  
  
James interrupted, "What happened up there Padfoot, why are you being like this?"  
  
"Maybe if you hadn't abandoned your friend you'd know...I'm not going to tell you."  
  
"We didn't abandon him..." James defended meekly.  
  
"Oh if you only knew," Sirius thought but remained silent.  
  
Sirius was really furious with his two friends. If he hadn't been there Remus would be dead and wrinkled in the bathtub upstairs.  
  
"Why are you so mad?" Peter asked.  
  
"Don't worry about it! Just promise me that you guy's will keep an eye on him! Now I'm going to go back upstairs. We'll meet you at dinner." With that Sirius fled the common room and returned to the dorm.  
  
When he arrived he saw Remus sitting up in bed with his knees drawn to his chest. He was staring longingly out the window.  
  
"How you doing Rem?" Sirius asked softly, breaking Remus from his reverie.  
  
Remus just shrugged. Sirius sat beside him on the bed and put an arm across his friends shoulder. Remus leant into it and they both sat in completely comfortable silence for nearly ten minutes.  
  
With a soft sigh Remus broke the silence asking, "Do you think less of me now Sirius?" He looked worriedly at his friend.  
  
Sirius tightened his arm around Remus's shoulder and leaned his forehead into Remus's hair. "I could never think less of you Rem. Never in a million years. You're one of the bravest people I know...you just need to learn when to ask for help."  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered sorrowfully. Sirius rubbed his arm for a moment and then said, "Lets go down to dinner now...some food will do you good."  
  
"I don't think I should Sirius...what if she's down there?"  
  
"Now's as good a time as any for you to face her, and if she starts anything I'll be there to back you up, alright?"  
  
Remus just sighed.  
  
"Come on!" Sirius jumped up and then grabbed Remus's hands, pulling him to his feet. Remus couldn't help but laugh lightly and followed Sirius out of the dorm. When they reached the common room they found that James and Peter had already left.  
  
"James and Peter already left?" Remus asked.  
  
Sirius nodded, "Yah, I figured they would. I told them we'd meet up with them later."  
  
Together they made there way to the Great Hall where most of the students were already halfway through their meals. They found two empty seats across from James and Peter and joined them.  
  
James and Peter said their hello's and then eyed Remus suspiciously. Remus in turn eyed Sirius suspiciously. Sirius just shook his head reassuringly at Remus who then turned his attention to his food, purposely avoiding the mere sight of the Ravenclaw table. He did not want to so much as make eye contact with Brie.  
  
"So Remus," James began casually. "Is everything going alright? You seemed rather...er...upset earlier."  
  
Again Remus looked at Sirius suspiciously and Sirius mouthed, "Don't worry," back at him.  
  
"Um, well, Brie and I..." Remus stopped and looked to Sirius yet again, this time for help.  
  
Sirius nodded and Remus looked down at his plate of food. "They called it quits."  
  
"Why'd you do that Moony? I thought you really liked her!" Peter said stupidly.  
  
Remus looked up at him sadly and Sirius kicked him from under the table.  
  
"I didn't want to break up...she—she thought I was cheating on her."  
  
"Because of...?" James asked knowingly.  
  
Remus just nodded and slouched a little bit.  
  
Sirius rubbed his shoulder gently and they all returned to their food in an awkward silence. No one really knew what to say.  
  
Peter broke the awkward silence by saying, "Are you guys almost done? James and I need to get a project done."  
  
This time both Sirius and James glared at him and Remus just stared at his still full plate of food.  
  
"What?" he mouthed at them.  
  
Sirius just shook his head and said, "You two go ahead. I'll wait here with Rem."  
  
"You don't have to--"  
  
"I know I want more desert," he said with a wink. "See you guys later," he said to James and Peter. They both stood, James giving Peter an annoyed shove as they made there way out of the Great Hall. Peter had no idea why he received that shove.  
  
"You didn't--?"  
  
"Of course not. I just told them if they ever see you like that again to go after you."  
  
Remus nodded and then focused his attention on getting the food down. It seemed like it had no taste at all and was extremely hard to swallow.  
  
He didn't look up until nearly ten minutes later when he noticed someone sitting across from him. His heart caught in his throat when he saw who it was. Brianna Jones sat across from him, her Ravenclaw posse surrounding her from behind. He swallowed hard but tried to look brave.  
  
"Hi Brie," he practically whispered.  
  
"Hi Rem," she mocked in the same soft voice. Her posse cackled and cheered for her.  
  
Remus glanced quickly at Sirius, as if to make sure he was still there. He was and was currently glaring daggers at Remus's ex-girlfriend.  
  
"How's my favorite player doing today?" she asked sarcastically, her eyes dark with anger and jealousy.  
  
"I'm not a player...I told you. There's no one else," Remus pleaded softly.  
  
"Sure...It seems like your friend here has finally rubbed off on you." She glanced rudely at Sirius as she spoke those words.  
  
"Leave Sirius out of this," Remus mumbled.  
  
"Why don't you get the fuck out of here Brie," Sirius nearly yelled. "You've done enough damage to the poor kid to last a lifetime. Now leave!"  
  
"I've done enough damage to him?! He's the one who cheated on me, Si-ri- us." She drew out his name for emphasis.  
  
"He didn't fucking cheat on you! I know this for a fact. Maybe you need to learn to trust your boyfriends more in the future. But as for now leave Remus the fuck alone!"  
  
With one final death glare Brie rose from the table and walked out of the Great Hall. Remus watched her and her friends leave and then rose himself and fled the hall. Sirius slowly got up sighing and followed Remus out of the cafeteria, leaving his untouched chocolate cake behind.  
  
He figured he'd have to search for Remus for quite a while, but he was wrong. Down the corridor that leads to the Great Hall he saw Remus sitting against the wall with his head pressed into his knees.  
  
"You picked a Grade-A bitch to fall for, didn't you Remus."  
  
"If only I had know before, eh?" Remus said with the slightest hint of humor in his voice.  
  
"I'm actually glad she's being like this."  
  
Remus looked up sharply, hurt evident in his eyes.  
  
"I don't mean it like that Moony...I mean because now it'll be easier to get over her...right?"  
  
"I guess. But, I still love her."  
  
"Of course you do...you just broke up. But you'll get over it, I'm positive."  
  
Remus just sighed.  
  
"Do you want to go for a walk Rem?"  
  
After considering the idea for a moment Remus shook his head, "I've got a ton of homework...I'll already be up till at least two finishing it up. Thanks anyway."  
  
"Well, I suppose we should go upstairs then."  
  
"Yah," Remus replied reluctantly. Sirius stood in front of him and then pulled him to his feet. They walked to the common room together in silence and then went there separate ways.  
  
Sirius joined Peter and James by the fireplace where they were practicing the summoning charm.  
  
When they saw him they stopped what they were doing and sat down to talk.  
  
"Sirius, I don't know what happened earlier, but I can tell it's really serious...I really hate your name," James said, laughing quietly.  
  
Sirius smirked at him.  
  
"Anyway, you're right we shouldn't have just left Remus like that. We were being bad friends."  
  
"It's alright...we just need to keep an eye on him. Brie has quickly transformed into the largest bitch in the school and she's out to make Remus hurt. So far she's succeeding pretty well."  
  
"Poor Rem," James mumbled.  
  
Sirius and Peter nodded in agreement.  
  
"So what are you guys up to tonight?"  
  
"Right now we're practicing summoning charms," James replied. "Accio!" he called and a pillow came flying at him. "I'm trying to teach Pete...earlier he summoned the whole couch...it wasn't pretty."  
  
Sirius laughed while Peter blushed. "You just need to aim better Pete, that's your problem in all magic, you always hit the wrong target."  
  
"I can't help it," Peter said miserably.  
  
"You'll learn," Sirius said encouragingly. He made himself comfortable on the couch and watched in amusement as his two friends summoned things from all over the room, including people books, hats, and glasses. The entire common room was in hysterics after ten minutes of the spell practicing.  
  
Sirius, however, only watched for a few moments before getting lost in thought. He was truly worried about Remus. Out of all the people in the school, Sirius had thought Remus the most unlikely to every try to end his life. Remus was too strong for that. Yet, one girl was all it took to send him over the edge. What if one more terrible thing happened in Remus's life? What would happen then? Sirius was beginning to question whether or not he'd always be able to help his friend deal. If things got worse he wouldn't know what to do. Then again things couldn't really get any worse, could they?  
  
Sirius was shaken from his reverie when James decided it would be fun to summon his shirt. The shirt ripped in two as it pulled away from his chest and flew into his friend's hand.  
  
Everyone was laughing hysterically and the girls were all blushing at the sight of Sirius's muscular torso.  
  
"Damn it James!" Sirius yelled and everyone instantly stopped laughing. It was a surprise for everyone to see him so uptight. He jumped up from his seat grabbed the remains of his shirt and ran up to the boys dorm, slamming the door when he got there.  
  
"Gahhhhhh!!!" he yelled and flopped down on his bed.  
  
"Woah..." was heard quietly from across the room.  
  
Sirius's head shot up and he looked at Remus perched on the next bed over with a large book in his lap.  
  
"Oh, sorry Rem, forgot you were up here."  
  
"It's alright...but are you okay?"  
  
"Fucking James," Sirius fumed. "He doesn't know when to leave me the fuck alone!"  
  
"Does this have to do with the fact that you're not wearing a shirt?"  
  
Sirius held up the two pieces of his shirt sadly. "It's my favorite one too." He pouted like a small child and Remus couldn't help but laugh. He put his book aside and walked over to his friend's bed and took the shirt. He muttered a spell and the shirt stitched itself back together. Remus then threw the shirt back at Sirius.  
  
With a small smile Sirius thanked Remus and pulled the shirt over his head.  
  
"Is everything okay Sirius?"  
  
"Yah, I'm just not in the mood to deal with James's shit right now."  
  
"Because of me?"  
  
"Oh...not really Rem, it's not your fault. I just want to relax tonight without my shirt flying off my body."  
  
"Gotcha."  
  
"What are you up to?"  
  
"Oh, I was just reading ahead in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Not really necessary for me to study the life cycle of a werewolf is it?"  
  
"I guess not," Sirius said with a light laugh. "But I thought you had so much homework you'd be up till 2, and you're reading ahead?"  
  
Remus just shrugged.  
  
Sirius grinned at him and lay back down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Remus picked his book back up and stared at if for a while.  
  
Suddenly he looked at Sirius and said, "You know what?"  
  
Sirius looked over, "What?"  
  
"If Brie asked me to take her back right now...I wouldn't."  
  
"I'm glad...she's not good for you. I don't think she ever really was?"  
  
Remus rolled onto his stomach, facing Sirius's bed, "She was...in the same way a huge steak is good for me. Taste's pretty damn good and makes my mouth water, but in the long run it clogs my arteries."  
  
Sirius laughed. "I'd rather have a steak than Brie, it doesn't bite back quite as hard."  
  
With a nod Remus laughed lightly and then sighed deeply. "I feel so stupid...why'd I waste my time? A year and a half and look where it got me. You're right a steak is more appealing than the girl I almost killed myself over!"  
  
"You almost killed yourself?!"  
  
Remus looked up sharply and saw James standing in the doorway. He looked down at his lap. He felt his bed sag slightly and looked left to see Sirius beside him. He rubbed his back gently.  
  
"What happened this afternoon?" James asked in the most serious tone any of them had ever heard.  
  
Remus didn't say a word, just stared at James nervously.  
  
"As you know Brie broke up with him and he had a hard time dealing with it," Sirius answered for his silent friend.  
  
"Since when is a hard time almost killing yourself?!"  
  
"James," Remus began. "I..."  
  
"You what Remus?" James asked angrily.  
  
"James chill out," Sirius said calmly.  
  
"Chill out? One of my best friends is suicidal and no one felt the need to tell me? Think you could chill out?"  
  
"James you aren't helping anything!"  
  
"Well it seems like I can't help no matter what because people feel the need to hide everything from me!"  
  
"You're seriously overreacting James."  
  
"I don't think I am, Sirius. I can only imagine how you'd react if you were in my position."  
  
"Remus doesn't need you making a big deal out of this. He needs your support."  
  
"Yeah well maybe he should have asked for it!" James yelled and then stormed out of the dorm.  
  
Remus, who hadn't said a word throughout the blow out muttered, "Fuck!" He rolled over onto his stomach and buried his head under the pillow. Sirius sighed and rubbed his back gently. It had been a long day and there were still four hours left of it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
So what do you think? Still haven't decided on the slash or not thing. It seems pretty balanced so far, so if you care either way, let me know! Please, please, please review!!! I have the next chapter almost done, but I will hold off until I get a reasonable amount of reviews, so PLEASE let me know what you think! 


	3. Kicking Trees

Well, this chapter is quite depressing, there honestly really isn't any happiness in it at all, but I promise there will be happiness in this story! I've decided that I don't want to do slash, I think it could be cute but I just don't think I have it in me. Also, when I said I was even considering slash, I never meant graphic slash. A lot of reviewers seemed to take it that way. I don't think I'd ever write a sex scene in a fanfic, I blush too easily ;) Cute friendship is how it's going to be and I hope no one has a problem with that.  
  
Rainbowdust: Thanks for reviewing. I honestly couldn't tell what you wanted me to write based on your review, but it was obvious that you didn't want graphic slash, which I wouldn't have written to begin with . It would have been what one reviewer called shounen-ai, but I'm not going to. It'll just be boys a little more in touch with their feelings than most. That's cool though right?  
  
Carry: Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Mentosa: No worries I've decided against slash. While I don't agree that it's disgusting, I think this story is better off without it. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Polaris: Slash isn't going to happen, don't worry. I think I'm definitely better at writing friendship fics, even though I really tend to overdo it. As long as you guys don't mind though it's all good right?  
  
Queen Vampyre Akasha: James was a meanie but he won't be throughout the story, worry not. He's just a little sensitive sometimes. I'm glad you like it so much!  
  
Eizoku: LOL, I love reviews like yours where you just kind of have a conversation with yourself that you send to me. Makes me laugh. And yes, Sirius does have a problem with a certain word that begins with F and ends with K, perhaps that's a sign that I do too. And actually, I do know someone who washed there kids mouth with soap! My friends mom did it to her little brother who has a far worse potty mouth than Sirius does in this story. I can't imagine having that done though. Ewww!  
  
Destiny Bunny: I agree I would never have put full out slash in this. I don't really like that very much and imagine I would suck at writing it. Shounen-ai is what I guess I like, but it wont' be in this story, though it will probably be extremely close because of how my mind works. Hope you keep reading!  
  
Sexy Black: I'm glad you liked chapter 2, hope you like this one too. And of course I don't want to disappoint you, you've read and reviewed like all my stories! You and several others I simply could not disappoint like that :)  
  
Jemma Blackwell: Awww, I'm sorry about that guy you dated, that sucks a lot. But it's good that you got past it, as I'm having Remus do. It must be hard. Me, I've never had a really serious relationship so I'm kind of just guessing and following what I've seen with friends and stuff, glad it's pretty accurate. And yah James is kind of focusing on himself, which I kind of expect him to do, but don't worry he's a good guy underneath it all. And I'm also so happy that you like the way I have their relationship, and they will get closer still but I won't do any slash...sound good? Oh and thanks for pointing out the typo, spell check can't help me with titles, lol.  
  
LeilaRose: LOL, I like to see them in pain too, makes my heart skip a beat, but it's all good cuz usually, and in this story it'll be so, it ends happily. So thus, you're not evil! And neither am I *wink* And I think I'd be ticked off at Remus and Sirius too if they kept that a secret.  
  
Katie: I don't mind that you didn't review. A few people have said that they miss my writing style, but I don't even know what that is. You're right, I do want to stay away from sex, though I think it is possible, you know to end it before it gets to that point, but I just want to stay away from it anyway. It'll just be a sweet very close friendship fix. And I honestly would not ever write gay sex...I stay away from that lol. Now I'm updating, you should too!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kicking Trees  
  
Sirius sat for a few minutes with Remus who remained silent after James outburst. He then pulled the pillow off of Remus's head and tried to roll him over.  
  
"Remus..."  
  
He saw Remus shudder involuntarily and put his hand on his back. Leaning close to Remus's ear Sirius said, "I'm going to go find James and talk to him. Will you be okay?"  
  
He didn't answer but nodded his head. Sirius ruffled his friend's hair and got off the bed with a sigh.  
  
Down in the common room Sirius found Peter sitting alone in front of the fire trying to write an essay. There were only two sentences on the paper.  
  
"Hey Pete have you seen James?"  
  
"Yeah, he just came charging through here. I asked him to come help me, but he didn't say a word. He left through the portrait hole...probably down by the lake or something," Peter said distractedly. "What's Remus doing? Think he can tell me how puberty affects a werewolf?"  
  
"Better leave Remus alone tonight. Stay down here as long as you can okay?"  
  
Peter sighed helplessly and nodded his head.  
  
"I have to find James now, Pete. If I get back early enough I'll help you with that paper."  
  
"Thanks Sirius."  
  
"No problem. I'll see you later."  
  
Peter waved as Sirius left through the portrait hole.  
  
Sirius made his way outside and walked towards the lake. James always went to the lake when he wanted to think, to just get away from it all. Sure enough that's where Sirius found him.  
  
James was taking his aggression out on a tree, kicking it with all his might until finally Sirius watched him slump down against the tree and put his head in his hands. Sirius knew James wasn't really angry, just hurt. He didn't like secrets and couldn't understand why Remus was such a closed up person. This was because nothing in James's life had ever gone wrong.  
  
Sirius approached James slowly. He saw James look up discreetly and then pretend he didn't know Sirius was there.  
  
"I know you saw me Prongs," he said loudly. James smiled sheepishly and looked up.  
  
"You know I would have told you if he didn't make me promise not to."  
  
James nodded sadly. "I just don't understand why he doesn't trust anyone."  
  
"It's because of how he grew up. James no one in your life has ever turned on you. But for Remus, life has been tough. Every time one of Remus's little secret's got out people he thought cared began to hate him. I think he knows you and Peter, and even me would never do that, but he just doesn't want to take the risk. Can you even begin to understand that?"  
  
"Maybe..."  
  
"It's nothing personal James, you know that. You can't flip out whenever you find him being this way. It makes it so much harder on him."  
  
James nodded, "I know, I'm sorry. So what exactly happened?"  
  
Sirius cringed and took a deep breath. "When I followed him upstairs I couldn't find him in the dorm so I went to the bathroom to find an overflowing bathtub. He had already gone unconscious when I found him. But I got him out of there and he coughed up all the water. He was so upset, James. And...it broke my heart to see him like that. I felt like there was nothing I could do—nothing any of us could do to make his life better. I've never felt so bad for another person in my life."  
  
"Do you think he'll be okay?"  
  
"As long as we're there for him and show him that we support and love him...yeah he'll be fine," Sirius replied, looking pointedly at his friend.  
  
"I really didn't help much did I?"  
  
"That you did not James...but it's not too late, you know?"  
  
James nodded. "It's just that...I...ah...you know."  
  
"You're hurt that he didn't talk to you about it."  
  
James nodded.  
  
"Well if you had just tried to end your life would you go telling everyone about it?"  
  
"..." James mouth opened but no words came out.  
  
"See...he's embarrassed about it."  
  
James sighed. "Okay, I get it."  
  
"Lets go see him....and just don't tell Pete okay. If Remus wants him to know he'll tell him."  
  
James nodded and both boys got to their feet, trudging back to the castle.  
  
When they reached the common room Peter was still slaving over his essays. Sirius couldn't help but glance at it and saw that there were now three full sentences on the parchment. "I'll be down in a bit to help you with that Pete...keep working." Peter nodded miserably.  
  
When James and Sirius reached their dorm they saw Remus lying on his bed facedown, as Sirius left him. He was shaking with sobs. Sirius walked up to him and this time successfully rolled him over.  
  
"Hey," he whispered pulling him up into an embrace. Remus cried into his shoulder. "James wants to talk to you Rem." Sirius felt Remus nod but he didn't otherwise act as though he heard.  
  
James stepped forward and said quietly, "I'm sorry I overreacted, Remus. It just hurt that you didn't feel you could tell me about it. I shouldn't have gotten so mad."  
  
Remus lifted himself from Sirius and turned to James. Both Sirius and James's hearts constricted when they saw the look of pure pain on Remus's tear-streaked face.  
  
"Rem I'm really sorry. Please don't be so upset anymore."  
  
"Everything's just—falling apart," Remus sobbed. "I'm sorry James...I'm sorry I'm so weak."  
  
James put his arm around Remus's shoulders and said, "You aren't weak Remus. I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. You've done nothing wrong, mate."  
  
Remus wiped his face roughly with his sleeve and sniffed. He didn't say a word but the boys were all glad he had stopped crying.  
  
"We're going to help you through this Moony; me, Sirius and Peter too if you'll let him in. We'll never leave you mate. Understand?"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"Guys...? Remus mumbled.  
  
"Yeah," they both replied.  
  
"Can we do something fun this weekend?"  
  
Sirius laughed and nodded.  
  
"The Hogshead?" (I think this is the pub/bar other than the three broomsticks, but I don't have my books here in my dorm to check, so please correct me if I'm wrong)  
  
"Yeah," Remus said sheepishly.  
  
"Of course, but we'll be watching you carefully, Rem. You can't completely drown your problems in alcohol," Sirius said in mock seriousness.  
  
Remus smiled at him. "Thanks guys."  
  
Sirius yawned and mumbled, "No problem."  
  
"You should go to bed Sirius," Remus said.  
  
"I would love to but I need to go dictate an essay to Peter. That kid is hopeless." Sirius said with a short laugh. "You, however, should get some sleep. You've had a rough day."  
  
"I think you're right, Padfoot."  
  
"Come here," Sirius said and pulled Remus into another hug. "Good night. Wake me up later if you need me." Remus nodded and squeezed Sirius tightly, mentally thanking the lord for granting him such great friends.  
  
"Night Sirius," Remus said and then let go of his friend. Sirius yawned again.  
  
"Hey, Sirius, go to bed, I'll go help Peter. You need to sleep more than I do."  
  
"Are you sure Prongs?"  
  
James nodded.  
  
"Thanks mate," Sirius said, grabbing James right hand in his own and wrapping his left arm around his back; the man hug. "Night Prongs."  
  
"Night guys," James said and left the dorm.  
  
Sirius walked to his bed and put his pajamas on. He then went to the bathroom where he brushed his teeth and washed his face. He passed Remus on the way out of the bathroom. "Sleep tight, Rem. Remember what I told you."  
  
Remus smiled at Sirius and said, "Night Sirius."  
  
Pulling back his covers, Sirius flopped into bed with a sigh and immediately closed his eyes. He heard Remus crawl into his bed a few minutes later and began to drift into sleep.  
  
He was almost fully asleep when he heard, "Sirius?"  
  
"Yah Rem?"  
  
"I—I'm scared." Sirius could actually hear the fearful tremor in his friend's voice.  
  
"Come over here Rem."  
  
After listening to the rustling of Remus moving out of his blankets, Sirius heard his bare feet padding across the floor. He pulled back his blankets and made room for Remus, who climbed right in with him.  
  
"What are you scared of?"  
  
"Everything."  
  
Sirius waited for him to elaborate.  
  
"I'm scared of what I could do to people on full moon nights. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared that I'll never find a girl who can know all my secrets and still love me. I'm so scared. I don't think I can do this, Sir, I really don't."  
  
Sirius wrapped his arm around Remus and said soothingly, "Rem, I can't make any guarantees, but I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Your only fifteen mate, you can't expect to find true love at this age. And as for the moon, you're so careful. Nothing will ever happen."  
  
Remus shook his head and said, "I'm not so sure."  
  
"Well Prongs and I will be with you every time to keep you in check. You're safe, otherwise Dumbledore wouldn't have you here. And as for finding a little lady for yourself, I happen to know that there are a couple hundred girls in this school who would kill to so much as get a date with you! I bet at least half of them could deal with the fact that you are a werewolf, when you get around to telling them."  
  
"I hope you're right Sirius, but in my head I just know it'll never be like that."  
  
Sirius pulled Remus closer and said, "You have nothing to worry about Remus. Just trust me."  
  
Remus yawned and said, "I'll try..."  
  
"And I'll always be here for you."  
  
"Do you want me to go back...?"  
  
"Only if you want to."  
  
Remus just nodded his head and stayed put. They were both sound asleep within minutes.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Later that night, Remus found himself getting kicked brutally in the shins. Dodging an elbow to his head Remus sat up and the reason he was there flowed back to him. He looked at Sirius thrashing in his sleep and didn't have a clue what was wrong.  
  
"Sirius! Sirius stop! Wake up!" He yelled but Sirius wouldn't wake up. So Remus maneuvered himself on top of Sirius. He sat on Sirius's legs so they couldn't kick and he held down Sirius's flying arms. The restriction sent Sirius into sheer panic and his eyes shot open with the most terrified scream Remus had ever heard emitted.  
  
Sirius looked frantically side to side until his focus settled on Remus's face.  
  
"Rem..." he muttered meekly. Remus released his arms and got off his legs.  
  
"What the Hell just happened Sirius?"  
  
He didn't answer right away. Covering his face with his hands, he took a few minutes to regain his breath and composure.  
  
"Sirius...?"  
  
"Just a nightmare Moony...nothing for you to worry about."  
  
"I think it is something to worry about Sirius! I've never seen you like that before in my life. You were absolutely terrified."  
  
Sirius blushed hard, though due to the darkness Remus couldn't tell.  
  
"Please Remus, just drop it...I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"But..."  
  
"I mean it," Sirius pleaded. "Can we please just go back to sleep?"  
  
Remus sighed and nodded. They both lay back down in Sirius's bed. Remus would have gone back to his own bed since he now felt better but he felt a sense of duty to Sirius. His friend was hurting and he didn't know why but he intended to find out.  
  
Sirius knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep that night. He wanted Remus to fall back asleep and not worry about him. It was Remus who needed a shoulder to cry on, not him.  
  
Currently, Remus was thinking the opposite; he wanted to be there for Sirius as he was there for him. He made his breathing as even as possible and pretended to fall right back asleep. Still focusing on his breathing he noticed Sirius snap his fingers in front of his face but showed no reaction to it. Remus then felt him lay back down with a deep sigh. He heard a few sniffles at first, which soon turned into sobs so strong that they shook the entire bed.  
  
Sirius didn't notice when Remus sat up beside him, and he didn't notice him whisper his name. He did however notice that he was pulled into a warm embrace and his head was now resting on a very comfortable shoulder.  
  
"Shhhhhh," Remus whispered soothingly, rubbing Sirius's back. He was trying to give Sirius the same comfort he had received earlier, at the same time noting the reversal of their roles and realizing how similar the two were.  
  
After a while Sirius's sobs stopped but tears still coursed slowly down his face.  
  
"What happened in the nightmare Sirius?"  
  
Sirius just shook his head. "I can't—not right now. We'll talk later."  
  
"Are you actually going to sleep this time?" Sirius nodded. "Do you want me to stay here?" Again Sirius nodded. "Okay."  
  
Sirius hugged Remus close to him as they both lay back down. "Are you going to be okay, Sirius?"  
  
With a nod Sirius murmured into Remus's shoulder, "Yah, Rem, I'll be fine...as long as you're here with me."  
  
Remus smiled and rubbed Sirius's back and they both drifted back to sleep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next morning both boys rose at the crack of dawn and made there way down to the common room to wait for the other boys. They sat in silence for a while, until Remus finally said, "So are you going to tell me about last night?"  
  
Sirius looked at Remus, frowning slightly and said, "Not now Rem...you have enough of your own problems to deal with right now. I'm not going to burden you with my own. I'm sorry you had to see me like that last night. I should have been there for you, not vice versa."  
  
"But," Remus began.  
  
"No buts Rem...now's really not the time."  
  
"If you tell me it'll help me get past my own problems...maybe make me feel less alone."  
  
"The only thing it will make you feel is that there is nothing right in this world," Sirius said in a deadly powerful voice.  
  
Remus gave up arguing and instead asked, "Do you dream about whatever it is a lot?"  
  
Sirius swallowed hard and nodded his head. "Whenever something bad happens, like what happened with you yesterday, it comes back to me. Now and then I get them for no real reason other than the mere thought of it. Usually I sleep with a silencing spell up so I don't wake you guys with it."  
  
"You shouldn't do that Sirius. You're doing exactly what you guys always tell me not to do...you're blocking us out."  
  
Sirius grinned sadly and nodded his head, "You're right, it is. And you know firsthand how hard it is to let someone in. Just give me awhile, okay Remus?"  
  
Remus nodded and then curled up at the end of the couch, gazing pensively out the window. He wondered what could possible be bringing up so much sadness and fear in Sirius. Remus knew for sure that it wasn't all because of his episode the previous day and he wanted to know what was going on. He turned and watched Sirius chewing roughly on his lip and asked himself, "What could possibly get to Sirius like this?"  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Hope you all liked it! Please review and tell me what you thought! And remember I've decided on no slash for the story! 


	4. About Jack

Ok so last chapter I didn't get too many reviews. I'm not really sure what to think of this. Did people just not read it or did they just not review? I'm worried that my changing the summary might be the cause, but I don't know. Could also be because last chapter wasn't that great. I think this one was much better and hope you all like it! And just a warning for those who actually read author notes, this chapter's a little severe at one point. I don't think I wrote it too graphically though, so everyone should be fine, but it's not necessarily for the faint of heart.  
  
HP-Azn: I'm really glad you like this fic, and no there will not be any slash! Thanks for reviewing this and my other fic!  
  
Jemma Blackwell: I'm actually rather like James in that charmed life where nothings gone wrong, but I get that not everyone's so lucky, and I'm trying to have James get that too. I also like how you analyzed Remus's being scared. I didn't know if wrote it so it made since that Remus was scared, glad you got it! I hope everyone else did too. I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
About Jack  
  
That Friday morning flew by at a record speed. For once all the boys paid full attention in their classes as an escape from the thoughts that were now plaguing their minds. Not only did they go the day without getting a single detention or losing one house point, but they all learned very useful things about a potion similar to veritaserum. What it did was allow a person to tell others a painful memory of their past as though it didn't affect them at all. Remus couldn't help but notice how intrigued Sirius was with the concept, and knew it had to do with whatever his nightmare had been about.  
  
"Too bad Sirius," Remus thought. The potions teacher said the recipe was so difficult he himself couldn't make it. It was very rare to find a potions-master skilled enough to brew it. In the past it had been used on aurors who had been taken as POW's and were tortured. Their stories were important to tell. After the professor had moved onto the next topic Sirius remained studious in appearance, but Remus noted that his gaze seemed to have gazed over slightly.  
  
Sirius was quiet for the rest of that day, even Peter noticed the severe mood change. At dinner Sirius sat staring at his full plate of food and occasionally moving things around. James being James had to ask, "Sirius what is wrong with you today?"  
  
His head snapping up Sirius looked intently at James for a moment and then looked back down, muttering, "Nothing's wrong. I'm just feeling a little off."  
  
"Something's bugging you, you're acting like..." He was about to say Remus, but caught a sad look from the werewolf before he got to it and switched to, "like you're really depressed...or something."  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Padfoot..."  
  
"I said I'm fine!" he yelled throwing down his fork. Sirius then pushed back his chair and left the table.  
  
There was a moment of silence where the others didn't quite know what to do. Peter sighed and said, "Well, I hope he's okay, anyone want to go upstairs and play chess?"  
  
James punched him in the shoulder and glared. "Why don't you go play chess with yourself Pete...Let us know if you lose, alright?" He then turned to Remus, "Let's go find him."  
  
Remus nodded and they both rose and left the table. Peter was still sitting at the table looking quite confused at what James had said.  
  
"Do you think he went upstairs?" James asked.  
  
"I doubt it. He's probably somewhere on the grounds."  
  
"Maybe we should get the map?"  
  
"Why don't you go get it, I'll start looking outside. Come get me first when you find the map, alright?"  
  
James nodded and headed for the stairs. Remus walked outside and headed towards the quidditch pitch. He didn't expect to find Sirius immediately, but hoped he could find him before James got back with the map.  
  
He wasn't at the pitch so Remus went down by the lake instead. He walked almost all the way around the lake, until he saw Sirius sitting on a thick branch half way up a tree.  
  
"Hey," he said casually.  
  
"Hi," Sirius responded quietly.  
  
"Is there room up there for two?"  
  
Sirius nodded and shuffled sideways to make room. He then reached down and helped pull Remus onto the branch.  
  
"James is coming," Remus stated, not sure what kind of reaction he'd get.  
  
Scowling, Sirius muttered, "Stupid bastard."  
  
"He's just worried and so am I."  
  
"Nothings wrong that won't be better tomorrow. Everyone just needs to drop it."  
  
"Like if you had dropped it yesterday and didn't come after me?"  
  
"This is different Rem. I've been dealing with this for a long, long time."  
  
"Well, you don't have to tell anyone, but I wish you would tell me."  
  
"After yesterday, the last thing you need is more depressing news."  
  
"What happened yesterday was a mistake! I'm sorry I did it and just want to get past it!" Remus yelled almost hysterically.  
  
Sirius looked up surprised and then mumbled an apology. Remus sighed and the two sat in silence.  
  
With a shaky breath Sirius began to speak. "I was about seven when it happened. Every day I would play with this muggle boy named Jack who lived down the street. He was a great kid. You actually remind me of him...I think that's why we're such good friends."  
  
Remus smiled slightly.  
  
"One day Regulus followed me to the park where we played and went back and told my parents. They forbade me from ever playing with him again and put up wards that wouldn't allow me out of the yard without my mother or father nearby. One day I guess Jack missed playing with me enough that he came and knocked on the door of my house. I still can't believe I'd made the mistake of telling him where I live. He never would have known the house was there if I hadn't pointed it out to him," Sirius's voice cracked as he spoke the last sentence. He put his hands over his face and just sat quietly.  
  
Remus watched him sadly and then saw James coming toward them. He knew that Sirius would stop the story the moment he saw James. Feeling quite bad about it, Remus gestured back to the castle and mouthed, "Later!" James shook his head mouthing, "What?" Again Remus pointed from James to the castle and this time James got the hint. He turned back just as Sirius took his hands from his eyes. Remus saw James shoulders slump in resignation and genuinely felt bad, but there was nothing he could do about that at the moment.  
  
Remus returned his focus to Sirius and saw that his eyes were alight with tears. "My mother opened the door. Imagine her disgust at the sight of a muggle on the doorstep. But she put up a friendly front. She let him in and called me downstairs in the most sickly-sweet voice you've ever heard," Sirius let out a dry sob.  
  
""So this is Jack?" she said, "Oh we've heard so many wonderful things about you!" I remember how he smiled. He thought he was in for a fun and cheerful visit. He couldn't have been more mistaken. My mother got him far enough into the house and then showed her true colors. She grabbed him roughly by the arms and dragged him to the bathroom upstairs. I begged her to let him go, I told him to fight, but nothing worked. No one can go up against my mother and win."  
  
A single tear fell down Sirius's cheek as he continued speaking. "She did some spells on him...the poor kid didn't even know magic existed before that day. I don't know exactly what she did, but he ended up hanging by his arms from the shower rod over the bathtub. I tried to run, there was no way I could save him by sitting there and watching. I wanted to get to the neighbors or maybe even my dad, he wouldn't have just let her do that, but she—she stopped me and bound my arms over my head with rope and the same for my legs. That's why I freaked out this morning when you were holding me down...I couldn't move from the wall right across from the scene. I tried to close my eyes, but she saw and put some other spell on me...I couldn't even blink Rem. I remember she said to me, "It's your fault he's here, you're going to see all of this!" I remember I was sobbing and so was he."  
  
More tears fell down Sirius's face and Remus grabbed both of his hands, holding them tightly, comfortingly.  
  
"With a flick of her wand she removed all of his clothes but his underwear. She began with the cruciatus curse. It looked awful, Remus...the poor kid hanging there, swinging back and forth in pain. But that wasn't the worst of it. I still don't know how she did it, but there was some spell that basically turned her wand into a—into a knife. Slowly...painstakingly slowly she cut him, so deeply, right down his chest. He howled in pain, but there was nothing he could do. She cut him more...and you can imagine the rest. After twenty minutes he stopped moving...I don't know if it was the pain or the bleeding. My mother then left the room, I was still stuck to the wall, watching my friend hanging there dripping blood."  
  
Sirius didn't speak anymore and simply let his head fall forward as he cried. Remus pulled him into a tight hug which was difficult because they were still up a tree, but he found a comfortable and safe position where Sirius could cry onto his shoulder. After a few minutes Sirius pulled away harshly and jumped down from the tree. Remus followed and rubbed Sirius's back as he retched into a nearby shrub.  
  
Looking up at Remus sadly, Sirius said, "Is that what you wanted to hear Rem?"  
  
Remus shook his head sadly, "No, but I'm glad you told me. Doesn't it feel at least a little bit better now that I know?"  
  
Sirius shrugged and then nodded. "You just need to keep it quiet Remus. If this gets anywhere near the ministry or even Dumbledore I'm as good as dead!"  
  
"Of course I'll keep it quiet...but you should probably tell James."  
  
Sirius rubbed roughly at his eyes and nodded. "Maybe you could help me with that?"  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Padfoot."  
  
The sun was going down so Remus put an arm around his friends shoulder and steered him up to the castle. Before they were too close Remus asked, "So in your nightmare do you just relive that dream?"  
  
Sirius shook his head and bit his lip.  
  
"What else?"  
  
"First I see that...then I see it happening to one of you guys. And it's even harder. That's why I've always been so adamant about you guys never coming over on holidays and such. She wouldn't have the nerve to do it to a known visitor...but any surprises-" Sirius trailed off, his voice catching in his throat.  
  
As they walked into the castle, Remus said, "So do you just want to go to bed early tonight?"  
  
Sirius looked up sharply and shook his head. "I need something to take my mind off of this shit."  
  
"What do you want to do?"  
  
"Well I guess we should talk to James...I really don't want Peter to know, maybe we can send him on a food mission or something. And then why don't we just play gobstones and exploding snap for the rest of the night?"  
  
"Sounds like a plan. But are you sure you want to tell James tonight?"  
  
Sirius nodded. "I just want to get it all behind me and continue to try and get over it. I don't want to ever talk about it again. I really wish I had that potion we were learning about today."  
  
"I could tell that that interested you."  
  
"It would make life so much easier. I almost wish that someone could memory charm the image of Jack out of my mind, but then it would be hard to hate my mother so much...and no one should show that woman love." Again Remus saw tears well in his friends eyes and he squeezed his arm supportively.  
  
Once they reached the common room they saw James and Peter playing chess, James looked pretty sad. When he saw the solemn looks on his friends faces his expression changed to curiosity.  
  
"Hey, Pete, want to go on a mission?" Remus asked.  
  
"What's the mission?"  
  
"We want to have a game night and need some food. I need to talk to James about something and Sirius isn't feeling up to it. That leaves you. What do you say?" Remus said slyly.  
  
"Absolutely!" Peter exclaimed, happy to have his friends relying on him for something.  
  
He began to head out, but before he did, Remus called, "And take your time, my talk with James may take a while. Get as much as you want."  
  
Peter nodded excitedly and left. Sirius rolled his eyes and then turned to James and said in a strong voice, "James do you want to go upstairs and talk with Remus and me? You asked earlier what was wrong, and I'm ready to tell you...or at least try. I just told Rem, and he may need to help me."  
  
James looked nothing but concerned and nodded his head quite willingly. "Are you alright now Sirius?"  
  
"I don't know James...I don't think I ever really was."  
  
"Come on guys," Remus said and headed towards the staircase.  
  
Once in the privacy of their dorm room with a powerful locking spell on the door, the three boys gathered on Remus's bed.  
  
Sirius opened his mouth to begin but couldn't get the words out. He looked apologetically at James who didn't seem to be mad, though he appeared quite worried.  
  
"Whatever it is Padfoot, you know you can tell me, right?"  
  
"It's not the fact that it's you James. I know I can trust you with this shit...but it's just...Remus can you tell him what happened?"  
  
Remus again wrapped his arm around Sirius comfortingly and nodded.  
  
"When Sirius was younger he had a muggle friend who his parents found out about and forbade him from seeing. The boy, Jack right? Yah Jack, came to the door one day and Mrs. Black let him in and proceeded to tie him up in the bathroom. She tortured him to death and made Sirius watch the whole thing. It was pretty gruesome from the sounds of it."  
  
Sirius nodded, not looking up at either of his friends and biting his lip hard.  
  
"Oh my God," James muttered.  
  
"Yah," Remus added, "And he's been having recurring nightmares about it. Seeing the same thing happen to us afterwards. He's been silencing those dreams."  
  
James crawled forward on his knees and pulled Sirius to him in a tight embrace. With this sudden action Sirius lost all his reserves and again began sobbing, this time into the arms of his other best friend.  
  
"That's horrible Sirius, no person should ever have to see that. I'm writing to my parents first thing tomorrow and asking if you can come stay with me!"  
  
"No James!" Sirius yelled pulling away. "You can't tell your parents about this! You can't tell anyone."  
  
"Sirius, someone has to know! Someone needs to help you."  
  
"James you don't understand!" Sirius wailed. "If my mother finds out I've told ANYONE, she'll kill me too. You can't tell them!"  
  
"Well I'm still going to ask if you can come live with us," James said firmly. "I'm not letting you go back there. Who's to say they wouldn't do that to you anyway?!"  
  
"They'd get caught if they killed me," Sirius mumbled.  
  
"Do you want to get out of there?" Remus asked.  
  
Sirius nodded earnestly.  
  
"Then why won't you let James do this?"  
  
"They'll ask questions."  
  
"Sirius, I can deal with my parents trust me. Your secret will be safe with me."  
  
"Thanks James."  
  
"Anytime mate."  
  
"And Sirius, next time you have that nightmare, come get me alright? It'll help you," Remus said.  
  
Sirius nodded and dried his eyes, yet again. "Peter will be back up soon, why don't we head back down to the common room."  
  
"Are you sure you're alright?" Remus asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Let's go," Sirius said firmly standing up.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As the night passed with games and food for all, everyone's spirits lightened and at the wee morning hours they returned to their dorm and slept until the afternoon.  
  
Remus was the first to wake up. He sat up groggily in his bed and looked around. Seeing everyone else asleep, Remus lay back down and stared at the ceiling, playing with the edge of his blanket as he did so. He thought about the previous day and realized how glad he was that he wasn't the only person who had constant nightmares about things beyond his control. It made him happy to realize that he had a companion in misery, as terrible as he knew that seemed.  
  
He was shaken from his thoughts when he heard a low growl from the next bed over. "I feel like I have a hangover and I didn't even drink! What the fuck?"  
  
Remus laughed and sat up looking over at his friend.  
  
"S'not funny Moony," Sirius mumbled sitting up as well.  
  
"Oh if you only knew," Remus replied through his laughter. Sirius's hair was mussed up worse than James and he had pillow lines on his face.  
  
"Hey stop laughing at me!"  
  
Remus didn't stop, he always laughed too much in the morning. For whatever reason, everything seemed to be so much funnier if it happened in the morning. Sirius climbed out of bed and walked over to where Remus was now laying on his stomach laughing. Plopping himself down on Remus's lower- back Sirius yawned loudly.  
  
"Get off!" Remus yelled choking on his laughter.  
  
"No until you stop laughing at me."  
  
"I'm not laughing at you anymore!" Remus yelled in one breath. He heaved and added, "I'm laughing cause you're sitting on my ass!" Sirius hopped off and sat cross-legged on Remus's bed instead. Remus scrambled up, still laughing lightly and Sirius grinned at him.  
  
"You're so goofy in the morning," Sirius said laughing as well. "How do you do it?"  
  
"First, it's not morning; second, I think it's because my heads not clear yet," Remus stated.  
  
"You're weird."  
  
"I know," Remus said his laughter finally tapering off.  
  
"Did you sleep well?" Sirius asked.  
  
Remus nodded, "How about you? Anymore nightmares?"  
  
"Nope," Sirius said with a sigh. "It probably won't happen again for awhile."  
  
"Good."  
  
Sirius nodded but the mention of that issue made his shoulders slump slightly. Remus ruffled his friend's hair and then pushed him over so he was laying sideways on his bed.  
  
"I'm going to go take a shower," Remus stated. Sirius looked up at him suspiciously, still lying across Remus's bed. "Sirius, don't do this every time I want to get clean!" His demeanor had changed completely.  
  
Sirius looked remorseful and muttered an apology. Remus nodded and walked away towards the bathroom.  
  
Rolling over to his back Sirius stretched out on the bed. As Remus had done earlier Sirius just lay there staring up at the ceiling. He proceeded to fall back asleep there in Remus's bed.  
  
The other boys were waking up when Remus stepped back out of the bathroom, fully cleaned and dressed.  
  
"Remus why is Sirius in your bed? Did he...?"  
  
"No, he's just being a dumb-ass," Remus said with a smirk. "You guys go wash up I'll deal with him." They obeyed and both headed toward the bathroom. Remus sat heavily on the edge of his bed causing Sirius's sleeping form to bounce up and down several times. He didn't so much as stir. Remus leaned in close and yelled, "Padfoot!!!!"  
  
Sirius shot up, nearly colliding heads with Remus.  
  
"OH my fucking GOD!!!" Sirius yelled, clutching his heart and glaring at Remus. "What the hell was that for?!"  
  
"You're in my bed, I want to make it, you need to leave."  
  
Sirius threw himself back down and closed his eyes, smiling, "But your bed is SOO comfortable. Mine's like sleeping on a rock."  
  
"You're full of it Padfoot."  
  
"Full of what exactly?"  
  
Remus couldn't help but laugh at his friend.  
  
"Are we still up for the Hogshead tonight?"  
  
"More so now than before, wouldn't you say?" Remus asked.  
  
"Definitely," Sirius responded smiling, a hint of sadness in his eyes.  
  
"Are you going to take a shower?"  
  
"Eh...I don't think so. I'm not smelly yet!"  
  
"While I don't think that should be your shower requirements, I'm glad. Lets go get something to eat."  
  
Sirius scrambled out of Remus's bed and pulled a muggle sweatshirt out of his trunk. He loved weekends where he could dress however he wanted. "Lets go!"  
  
Remus laughed and the two made their way down to the great hall.  
  
Breakfast was spent with Sirius telling Remus jokes that wouldn't have usually been all that funny, but had the two dying with laughter. They were actually making quite a scene in the great hall.  
  
When Peter and James joined them the jokes continued but the laughter was still emitted from Sirius and Remus alone. In fact, they were getting weird looks from the other two marauders as well as the others in the hall.  
  
Sirius told another one and was about to laugh at himself when he caught a glimpse of the Slytherin table where a very familiar girl was sitting beside Severus Snape. Brianna Jones was sitting at the Slytherin table with Snape!  
  
Once Remus noticed he was the only one laughing at Sirius's dumb joke he stopped and was about to turn in the direction Sirius was staring. To save his friend from a sight that he knew would kill him inside, Sirius started laughing hysterically. Remus turned back to his friend confused, but was in such a good mood he didn't mind that he didn't know what was going on and started laughing again.  
  
Sirius complimented himself on the save and then focused on keeping Remus's attention on himself until he saw the two leave the great hall.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sad chapter huh? I thought I needed to lighten it up at the end, hope it worked. Next chapter will be fun for the most part, but I will not leave my good friend drama out of it. But would you really want me to?  
  
By the way, I hope the scene I created wasn't too graphic, I honestly don't know where in my head that idea came from, I just tried to think of the most horrific thing he could have to see and that's what my mind came up with.  
  
Please Review and tell me what you think. I'd really appreciate it a lot!!! Even if you don't like it, tell me. I just want to know if people are reading this because if they're not I won't post it...I'll just save it to my hard drive...sad but true lol. Anyway just give me an ego boost and write me a little message! Please? 


	5. A Couple or So More

New A/N: As everyone probably knows ffnet's been down for a while and is finally back up so if any of my A/N's don't make sense that would be why, lol. I'm glad it's up again and I decided to hold off a couple of days so mine didn't go up with the rush...anyway, here it is :)  
  
Old A/N: Another one down! So I think something's been up with the reviews, like they haven't been coming up nor have they been emailed to me as is usual and it's been saying I have had more than it would show me for like three days, but I think it's starting to get better. So, if you reviewed and I don't seem to respond to it it's because computers suck and they're not appearing lol. Anyway, I was glad to see that I had a few more reviews from last chapter than I had originally though *throws laptop out the window*  
  
Anyway this chapter didn't come out the way I originally planned but I don't think it's too shabby...how about you tell me if it is or not :)  
  
LeilaRose: Yup, that was a sad chapter, and guess what! This is going to be one too. Now to be completely honest I didn't understand your review, I couldn't tell if it was criticism or praise, but I appreciate the review either way. I like getting reviews even when people criticize because it either helps me write better or it gives me a good laugh :)  
  
Jemma Blackwell: I agree, it was a little over the top for Sirius's mom to go kill someone like that, but I wanted something that would really shake Sirius, caused by his mum, and that's all I could think of...hope it's not too over the top to be good! And yah, I kind of left Jack's death up in the air but basically in my head it was a missing child case...I was going to write that out but I just didn't think Sirius would really feel the need to say and Remus wouldn't bother to ask. And about telling an adult, probably not going to happen cuz in the books Sirius runs away, that's how it'll be in this story...if I draw it out to that point and I don't think I really will. Thanks for the review (  
  
Polaris: LOL, I ain't no nasty girl *wink* I just have a twisted mind...there's a difference I swear! Trust me, lol, I could never leave my friend drama behind, without it I'd have a few jokes and a couple nouns and adjectives lol. And no, this isn't a prequel, I'm just having a bit of trouble getting back into those other two fics. I've actually written a bit more to "When a Home isn't a Home", but I just couldn't get enough out of it b/c I forgot where I was trying to go. Who knows though maybe I'll read over it again and it'll hit me to continue, highly unlikely though. And I'm sorry for that, I get wicked pissed when people stop their stories too....but I really did need to end those stories at the time I did because let me tell you adjusting to college first semester is HARD, lol...Anway, enjoy the story I have now, it won't be that long but I most definitely think I'll finish it lol.  
  
Katie: It's alright that you didn't review, but what do you mean it's parental controlled? I don't really get it but it's all good. I'm glad you liked these chapters and I'm going to tell you a sad truth, lol, I too often re-read "In Need of Sirius Help" some parts I cringe at the fact that I've written that, but for the most part I honestly like to read it, sometimes I'm like ooh what's going to happen next, I forget. OK so I'm a big loser lol. And do you mean that you think I should write the actual Harry Potter books?! Have I told you you're my favorite reviewer??? Lol. Anyway, I'm sad your story is on hiatus and I'm curious which part of my story you're using as well... If my sister stole my computer I'd kick her ass, lol, but then again I bought this computer so...ya know. I really hope you do update as soon as you can though :)  
  
Sexy Black: Yah I think something with the reviews has been really screwed up and it really depressed me lol, but I got reviews eventually and that's all that matter's, right? Anyway, yah that experience of Sirius's sucks pretty bad, huh? Seriously don't know where that came from, lol. I think Scream had a bit to do with it *shudders*. And you'll soon be seeing Remus's reaction to Brie and Snape...  
  
HP-Azn: Don't worry, much, much more angst too come! What am I without angst? This story will be angst until like the end of the last chapter!  
  
Rainbowdust: Awww, I'm glad you liked the way I picked to do it. Every now and then I feel like I'm actually coming to close to slash, but it's just so sweet that way right? And did you think James was being a monkey before that chapter? LOL, yah I wanted him to be a sweetheart in the story, and I think you'll like his character even more in this chapter.  
  
And thanks to all the people who reviewed chapter three that I didn't get until way after they were written (god damn ffnet!) I'd write them individually, but it just seems silly to do that now. (except for Gold Silk: Don't worry no Mary Sue's and sorry about the lack of slash) Just know that I appreciate them mucho!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A Couple or so More  
  
That night the boys all gathered under James's invisibility cloak, Peter in his rat form so they'd all fit. They silently walked towards the statue which leads to the tunnel to Honeydukes (Sorry, I forget its name!). Once in the tunnel they removed the cloak and tucked it away near the entrance.  
  
"Ready to party boys?" James asked.  
  
"Hell yes!" Sirius yelled causing the rest to laugh. They made their way down the tunnel talking at the tops of their voices, no one could hear them down there. They were already having a good time and the real fun hadn't even started yet.  
  
When they finally reached the end of the tunnel they snuck out of the basement and through the store. They made there way to the bar and Remus led his friends to a table in the middle of the bar. James went and purchased two rounds of tequila shots for the group. Sirius laughed at the mere sight of the small alcohol in the miniature glasses and reached for his but Sirius stopped him.  
  
"Wait," James said. "We don't want this to be like the last time when we came here and we lost Peter. We need a buddy system of sorts."  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes at his friend.  
  
"I mean it Sirius! Peter will be my buddy, so you and Remus just watch out for each other, alright?"  
  
Remus nodded and Sirius agreed by rolling his eyes again.  
  
"On three," Remus said and they all grabbed a shot. "One...two...three!" They all downed their shots and then bit into their lemon slices to cut the taste.  
  
"Wooo!" Sirius hollered, everyone laughed. They all did their second shot and then Peter and Sirius went over to the dance floor where they got lost in the crowd. (I know the Hogshead probably wouldn't be the kind of bar that has a dance floor but I thought of that too late...imaginations please!)  
  
Remus got up and ordered two rum and cokes for James and himself. He handed James his and then sat down, stirring his own with the straw.  
  
"So Moony, are you doing alright getting over Brie?"  
  
"Yah, it's still kind of hard. I saw her a few times in the hall yesterday and it's like an instinct to go to her, you know? And I have to kick myself not to and it kind of hurts...I still love her you know. But it's over—over for good."  
  
James smiled at him. "You'll find someone else."  
  
Remus nodded, he didn't believe James but frankly didn't want to talk about it anymore. He took a long sip off his drink, finishing it off. "I'm going to get another drink and then meet the others on the dance floor."  
  
"Alright Moony," James said. Remus watched James stand and walk over to a few girls at the bar.  
  
After getting another rum and coke Remus went onto the dance floor where he saw Sirius dancing with a very large thirty year old woman. "He must have already had a lot to drink," Remus thought to himself. When Sirius saw Remus he stopped dancing with her and stumbled over to his friend.  
  
"Remus!!! How are you doing?" he yelled.  
  
"I'm alright Sirius. How much have you had so far?"  
  
"Well I had the two with you. And Jodie over there bought me a couple or so more."  
  
"How many is a couple or so?" Remus asked smirking.  
  
"Ummm...I think like four," Sirius said scratching his head and holding up three fingers. Remus laughed. "But seriously Rem, I don't even feel a thing!"  
  
"Sure you don't Sirius."  
  
"Hey Rem, do you want me to get you a girl to dance with?" Sirius asked excitedly.  
  
"I don't think so Sirius. I...I think I'm going to go sit back down."  
  
"I'll go with you!"  
  
The two made there way back to the table they had abandoned and sat back down.  
  
"So Remus. I'm so glad we came out tonight. I think this was exactly what I needed. You needed it to buddy. Are you feeling better?"  
  
Remus just shrugged, secretly sadder than he had been before going out.  
  
"Well then you need more to drink!!! Here I'll go get you some more tequila!" Sirius jumped up from his seat and ran to the bar. He came back with four more shots. "Three for you and one for me!"  
  
Remus laughed and picked up one and drank it quickly wincing at the taste before he bit down on the lemon.  
  
"And number two!"  
  
Remus smiled and downed it as well.  
  
"And now together!" Sirius yelled and they both clinked the small glasses together before downing the last two shots. They both laughed hysterically afterwards.  
  
"Wow, Sirius. Thanks that helped a lot!" Remus said laughing some more.  
  
"That's what I'm here for Remus!"  
  
"So hey! Lets think of a prank to play tomorrow!"  
  
"Okay, who should we play it on?" Remus said lowering his head and shoulders in mock seriousness.  
  
"Why Snivellus of course!"  
  
Remus cackled and nodded to agree.  
  
"Lets see what can we do to him..." Sirius though aloud. "We could change his hair pink!"  
  
"Come on Sirius use your head! We did that twice already!"  
  
"OH yah you're right. Pink is just his color, right mate?"  
  
"Sure is Padfoot!"  
  
"Do you have any ideas Rem?"  
  
Remus nodded slyly and motioned for Sirius to come closer. They both leaned closer over the table and Remus whispered, "At dinner tomorrow..."  
  
Sirius looked up shocked and then started banging the table, throwing back his head and laughing madly. "Perfect Moony! That's absolutely perfect!!!" He continued to bang on the table for a full five minutes, Remus laughing right along with him. Nearly half of the bar was watching their table amusedly, but neither noticed.  
  
Remus dried the tears of mirth that had been sitting below his eyes. "Ah, I wonder where James and Peter are."  
  
"Me too!"  
  
"James is probably with some girl and Peter's probably trying to get with some girl," Remus replied, slurring his speech ever so slightly.  
  
Sirius smiled and scanned the crowd. Remus did the same, looking for James or Peter. His eyes, however, fell on another pair of people and he froze.  
  
"What are you staring at, Moooo-ny?"  
  
Remus opened and closed his mouth like a fish but said nothing. Sirius squinted in the direction Remus was looking and muttered, "Oh fuck!"  
  
"What—with—Snape?!"  
  
"Remus, she's a bitch, don't let this get you down!"  
  
"She dumped me for Snape," Remus mumbled almost inaudibly. "She dumped me for Snape!"  
  
"Rem-" Sirius said calmly, quickly sobering up. Remus shot up from the table and steered himself towards the bar. He pushed people aside to get to the front of the line. Sirius watched as he took not one, not two, not even three, but four more shots of tequila, without even biting the lemon between each shot. Sirius watched him sway sideways as he tried to move away from the bar and land against some girl, his face dangerously close to her chest. She pushed him away from her roughly and he bumped his head on the bar and went down.  
  
Rushing forward, Sirius tripped over someone's foot and was the second marauder that night to end up on the floor. He stared up into the glowering face of Severus Snape. The mere sight of his enemy, that close, sent anger coursing through Sirius's body. He grabbed hold of Snape's legs and swung him down. He pushed himself up on top of Snape and began pounding his fists into Snape's already crooked nose. He didn't notice the blood now covering his fists as it flowed from Snape's nose, and he didn't realize when Snape stopped moving below him. He did, however, notice someone pulling him to his feet and yelling in his ear.  
  
He snapped out of it enough to see James and Peter nearby, supporting an unconscious Remus. The person who had lifted him off of Snape turned out to be a very large bouncer and he was now dragging him from the bar. Sirius tried to fight the bouncers grasp so he could walk on his own, but the bouncer wouldn't allow that. He called another bouncer over who lifted Sirius by his feet, holding them tightly together. The first bouncer did the same with his arms, and Sirius lost it.  
  
"Help!" he called, closing his eyes tight and fighting against the bouncers with all his might. "Help! Don't let her do it. Jack run!"  
  
"Let him go," James yelled, "You can't do that to him! I'll get him out of here just put him down." The bouncers paid him no head and Sirius continued to scream and attempted to kick the bouncers. He was so loud that Remus awoke from his unconscious state. The bouncers didn't listen and ended up bringing him to the door and throwing him out on the street.  
  
"Remus, can you walk?"  
  
Remus rested his head on James' shoulder and mumbled, "I don't think I can even stand on my own. I want to go home."  
  
"I know you do mate...we're going home now okay?" Remus nodded and James and Peter led him out. With one last look back into the bar Remus saw Brie tending to a bloody Snape. He let out a dry sob and then let James take him out of the bar.  
  
Outside they saw Sirius curled up in a ball outside of the bar, crying his heart out.  
  
"Fuck," James mumbled and led Remus to wear Sirius was crying.  
  
"Sirius," Remus mumbled, making James put him down. Remus pushed as hard as he could against Sirius's arm to get his friends attention. Now crying as hard as his friend Remus pulled Sirius into a hug and they just sat there crying into each others shoulders.  
  
James pulled Peter aside and muttered, "What the hell are we going to do? There is no way we can sneak back into Honeydukes and make it under the cloak and through the castle with these two!"  
  
"I—I don't have a clue. Maybe we could just leave them here?"  
  
James jaw dropped and he stared at his friend. "We can't fucking leave them here. How can you even suggest that?!"  
  
"Well I don't want to get in trouble..."  
  
"Peter how many times have they gotten in trouble for you?!"  
  
"Alright, we won't leave them."  
  
"I can't even believe you suggested it!"  
  
"Well what ideas do you have?"  
  
"Just one...but I don't know if we can pull it off."  
  
"Well what is it?"  
  
"The shrieking shack."  
  
"But it's all boarded up!"  
  
"It's the only place we can go. We can't afford a room at the inn."  
  
Peter sighed, all he wanted to do was go back to Hogwarts and get lost in his bed.  
  
"We're going to have to levitate them."  
  
"But James I can't levitate anything bigger than my book bag!"  
  
"Why me?" James muttered. He walked over to the sobbing forms of his two friends. "Hey guys, I need you to do me a favor alright?" They showed no sign that they heard, but James continued anyway. "Can you guys hold on to each other really tight? No matter what don't let each other go. Do you understand?" He saw both sets of arms grasp the other tighter.  
  
"Good," James drew his wand and muttered, "Wingardium Leviosa." Both his friends rose in the air and he steered them down the street towards the shrieking shack. Once they arrived James again set them down on the grass behind the rundown building. "Come on Pete, we need to tear down some of these boards."  
  
Peter mumbled something under his breath and went to join his friend. Once they got an opening large enough for Peter to fit through, James helped his pudgy friend inside. He then walked over to the huddled forms of Sirius and Remus.  
  
"Hey boys, how are you two feeling?" James said kneeling beside them and putting an arm around both of his friend's shoulders.  
  
"I was so scared James," Sirius mumbled, looking up at his friend.  
  
"I know you were Sirius. I know. But it was just the bouncers. Your mother can never do that to you again, understand?"  
  
Sirius continued to sob but nodded his head.  
  
"How about you Remus?"  
  
"She dumped me for Snape," he muttered miserably.  
  
"I know you guys are upset, but you can't stay here all night. We're going into the shrieking shack."  
  
"How...?" Remus asked looking up at James.  
  
"Peter and I made a hole out of one of the blocked windows."  
  
"We have to fix it!" Remus yelled, worry temporarily overtaking his pain.  
  
"We will! Before the next full moon it'll be back and better than ever."  
  
Remus nodded and slumped back against Sirius.  
  
"Sirius you come with me first. You can help me get Remus through."  
  
James pulled Sirius away from Remus, causing the werewolf to cry harder. "It's going to be okay Rem," James said and hauled Sirius towards the shack. He gave Sirius a boost and Peter pulled him the rest of the way through the hole. James headed back to Remus.  
  
"C'mon Rem," James said.  
  
"James...my hearts broken," he mumbled and let his chin drop to his chest.  
  
"I know it hurts Remus," James said squatting down beside his friend.  
  
James lifted Remus's head up so they were at eye level and let Remus's forehead lean against his own. "Listen to me Remus. This thing with you and Brie, it's over. I know it hurts and it's going to hurt for a while, you know that. And of course seeing you're ex-girlfriend with Snape isn't going to help, but do you really think she likes him? She knew you hated him and she's mad at you...she's just doing it to get back at you."  
  
"But I didn't even do anything wrong!" Remus moaned.  
  
"I know you didn't Rem," James said, running his hand over Remus's hair. "But she thinks that you did. She wants to make you hurt. Don't let her win."  
  
Remus nodded, knocking his and James foreheads together. James couldn't help but laugh quietly at his friend's drunken state. "Come on Remus, lets get inside, the wind out here is fierce."  
  
James stood and pulled Remus up with him. He was glad to see Remus had stopped crying, but it didn't help his friend walk any straighter.  
  
It was quite a task to get Remus through the hole and Peter was no help at all. Sirius, still quite drunk, had to do nearly all of it. James was inexplicably pissed off at Peter as he climbed through the hole without any assistance at all. Remus and Sirius, he understood, but Peter was simply being an ass.  
  
James led the other three up to the bedroom that Remus always went to after a transformation. "Remus, Sirius you take the bed." Sirius helped Remus onto the blanket-less bed and then got on it as well.  
  
"Yah know Rem, we came out tonight to forget our problems...but really they just slapped us in the face," Sirius started laughing heartily, Remus joined in with the laughter. It wasn't happy laughter, it was heartbreaking. Listening to them made James, himself, want to cry.  
  
Remus stopped laughing and moaned, sitting up sharply. "You okay Rem?" James asked.  
  
With a quick shake of his head Remus leaned over the side of the bed, and threw up all of his alcohol.  
  
"I think I drank too much," he stated when he was done.  
  
"I think you're right, Rem." James said. With a spell and a flick of his wand James got rid of Remus's mess. "You two just go to sleep okay. Wake me up if you need anything."  
  
They both nodded and lay back down. Both boys were asleep in no time.  
  
"Now where are we supposed to sleep?" Peter asked.  
  
"The floor," James stated in a strained voice.  
  
"The floor?"  
  
"Yes the floor!"  
  
"They're the ones who get so smashed we can't go back to school and we have to sleep on the floor?!"  
  
"You know what Peter we're all set here, why don't you just go back to school. Transform and just go!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"Just go!" James yelled as loud as he dared without waking the others.  
  
Peter looked scared and quickly transformed, scurrying out of the room. James wanted to kick something but settled for breaking a large stick into little bits. He then lay down on the hard wood floor and drifted off into a very light sleep.  
  
Hours later he was woken by the bed creaking. He sat up and saw Sirius rubbing his arms, his lips chattering. James stood and sat next to Sirius on the bed.  
  
"You cold mate?"  
  
Sirius nodded. James put his arms around his friend and rubbed his back. After a while he felt his friend stop shaking and pull away slightly. "Thanks James."  
  
"Anytime Padfoot."  
  
"I'm really sorry James."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"These last couple of days. I know we haven't been the best of friends to you and you've felt left out a lot. We didn't mean to it's just..."  
  
"I have a charmed life and don't understand very much," James said, laughing at himself.  
  
"Are you mad?"  
  
"No, I understand you guys."  
  
"I'm also sorry about tonight. I'm sure this is the last place you want to be...taking care of two drunk idiots."  
  
"It's no problem, Sirius. I'd never just leave you guys thrown out on the street. Although, Peter was ready to do just that. I don't get that kid sometimes!"  
  
"Well, he doesn't know any of what's going on," Sirius defended meekly.  
  
"That shouldn't matter!"  
  
Sirius just shrugged. "I don't really care."  
  
"I do...He scares me sometimes."  
  
"I think he's always been like that. You just didn't see it before," Sirius mumbled and began to shiver again. James put his arms around his friend again and resumed rubbing his back.  
  
"Go back to sleep," he whispered. Sirius nodded and closed his eyes. He was back to sleep in seconds. James held him until he stopped shaking from the cold and then moved to Remus who was snoring quietly. If he hadn't been making the noise, James would have genuinely thought he was dead. Remus hadn't moved an inch since he had lain down. James sat over him rubbing his back gently and before he knew it, he was asleep himself, slumped over Remus's back.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Again Remus was the first one to wake in the morning. He felt something heavy on his back and carefully rolled over, seeing James sound asleep. He smiled and sat up, trying not to wake James in the process. He failed, however, and it was a good thing he did. When he looked around the world was spinning and he again found himself leaning over the edge of the bed. James helped keep him from falling off the bed as he heaved and then helped ease him back to the mattress. Quickly James cleaned up the mess and then put his hand on Remus's head and rubbed his forehead with his thumb.  
  
"Are you going to be alright Rem?"  
  
"Not today," Remus joked, laughing at himself.  
  
"I can't believe that even today you can have that old morning sense of humor."  
  
"What can I say," Remus laughed. "Last night sucked, huh James?"  
  
James nodded. "I don't think I've ever seen you and Sirius so upset as you guys were last night."  
  
"Did I make a fool out of myself?"  
  
"Pretty much mate. But you were completely pissed, everyone gets like that."  
  
"Was I worse than Sirius?"  
  
"Aaah...well he made a bigger scene, beating Snape to a bloody pulp, but in the end you guys were just as bad."  
  
"Sorry, mate."  
  
"Hey, it's completely understandable."  
  
"I can't believe she dumped me for Snape," Remus mumbled for what seemed to James like the thousandth time. James could see the tears welling in his friends eyes.  
  
"Rem, you can't think of it like that, mate," James said soothingly.  
  
"How am I supposed to think about it?" Remus said in a very tight voice.  
  
Rubbing his friend's shoulder, James opened his mouth to speak but found that someone had beaten him to it. Sirius had turned towards them and said, "You need to think of it like Brie is a bitch. She's pissed off because she thinks you cheated on her and Snape's the only guy she can get right now because every normal guy is too scared of us to even dare look at her! She's not dating him because he's better than you Remus, she's slumming because she can't have you!" Sirius nearly yelled this.  
  
The tears finally fell from Remus's eyes. "You're right," he moaned. "But I can't stand to see her with him like that." Sirius sat up and hugged Remus to him tightly.  
  
"Does it help that I beat the shit out of Snape?"  
  
"A little bit," Remus laughed through his tears.  
  
"Stop crying Rem, it's the morning. You're supposed to be laughing hysterically about nothing."  
  
"My reputation deceives me," Remus mumbled into Sirius's shoulder. Sirius and James laughed at him, and he couldn't hold back his laughter as well.  
  
"There you go," James said cheerily.  
  
Sirius yawned and said, "We should get back to school."  
  
"Think you can keep your balance Remus?"  
  
"I don't know, but I'll try."  
  
Sirius and James both got off the bed. Remus tried to stand as well but had to sit back down holding his head. Sirius sat beside Remus and put his arm around his back. They then stood together and managed to get through the tunnel. Sirius transformed into a dog as they were going out and held the knot with his paw until James and Sirius were fully out. He then ran from the tree before it sprung back to life.  
  
As they walked the rest of the way back to the castle Remus was able to go on his own, though slowly. They were all relieved to return to their room and James for one was glad that Peter was no where in sight.  
  
Sirius immediately crawled into his bed trying to warm his still chilled bones and James went to the bathroom. Remus stood in the middle of the room for a moment looking around as though he'd never been there before.  
  
Laughing Sirius asked, "What the hell are you doing Moony?"  
  
Remus smirked at him and shrugged. "I'm trying to think of something to do."  
  
"Well why don't you go back to sleep? You had a rough night."  
  
"Is that what you're going to do?"  
  
Sirius shook his head. "I'm just warming myself up. I was freezing last night!"  
  
"Really, I was fine."  
  
"You're never cold Remus."  
  
"I know it's the monster in me," Remus said with a short laugh, grabbing his head afterwards.  
  
Sirius looked at him calculatingly and then smirked.  
  
"I don't want to sleep," Remus stated.  
  
"You need to rest though Rem....you can hardly walk."  
  
With a shrug Remus turned and went over to his bed, showing off his improving walking skills. He sat on the edge of his bed and rummaged through his bedside table.  
  
"What are you doing now?"  
  
"Looking for the pain potion Madam Pomfrey gives me...my head is pounding!"  
  
Sirius laughed.  
  
"No laughing at the kid with the hangover!" Remus yelled jokingly as he paused his search to rub at his temples.  
  
Sirius laughed harder and Remus joined him.  
  
"Ah-hah! I found it!"  
  
"Woo hoo!" Sirius cheered.  
  
Remus downed it as he had his shots the previous night.  
  
"Did it help?"  
  
Remus nodded and yawned.  
  
"You really should go back to sleep Rem."  
  
"No I shouldn't! If I do I won't be able to sleep tonight. No, we should do something."  
  
"Like what?" Sirius asked, unable to not get swept up in Remus's cheerful mood.  
  
"Ummm...I don't know..."  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Do you want to play chess?"  
  
"That sounds good." Remus replied with a tired smile.  
  
"You should be sleeping, mate."  
  
"Oh shut up. Lets go!" Remus called as he slowly started out of the room.  
  
"I'm bringing my blanket with me!" Sirius called and he mock-chased Remus out of the room, blanket around him like a cape. James stepped out of the bathroom and rolled his eyes as he saw the last second of the scene. James was wiped out. Sleeping on the floor and then Remus's back, all the while taking care of two very drunk people had taken a lot out of James. He flopped down on his bed and slept until dinner; which of course was an experience in itself.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was difficult for me to find a good place to end this chapter, I don't really know why. Anyway, please review for me...PLEASE!!! I get depressed when I don't get reviews. Not as bad as Remus and Sirius here, but depressed nonetheless! So cheer me up with nice reviews...even mean ones will at least let me know you're reading!  
  
Also, my own moods were in the extremes during the writing of this chapter, drunk scene was supposed to be funnier, but I was pissed off that day. And the part I was in a wicked good mood and I think it shows, lol. One more thing, I'm trying to sound British in the writing let me know if it's working or if I should just call it quits on that! 


	6. A Face like a Pansy

Okay, I'm not getting nearly the response I'd like to get out of this story, but I guess I'll survive. I'd just like to say, however, it's a lot harder to get motivated to update when I don't get responses. I thank all of you who reviewed, but I just wish I could see a few more per chapter.  
  
Anyway, this chapter I enjoyed writing, I did most of it in one night in which I stayed up quite late. I'm afraid, however, that I didn't get things completely accurate, but I hope we can all over look that!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Polaris: Thanks for the review and I'd just like to say that Drama is everyone's friend :) Also I'm glad to know that you're actually looking forward to updates, I haven't gotten nearly as many reviews as I would have liked...I guess I'll survive...but thanks again for just leaving a little note so that I know the story is read!  
  
LeilaRose: I'm glad you liked the last chapter and that the other review wasn't insulting. I also kind of have a problem insulting other people's work unless it's constructive criticism. Anyway, hope you like this chapter as well :)  
  
Rainbowdust: Your play by play review made me laugh, lol. And I'm glad you liked the lean on me aspect of the story, that was what I was trying to convey. Together they're going to help each other "Move On" And yes, Peter is being the monkey, which is good right cuz he ends up being a traitor and such...has to start somewhere. Anyway, thank you for the award! LOL, I really do want to make this story slash but I think it would suck if I did. It's just not something I can do. But I think it's as close to slash as it can be, so that's probably why it's satisfying you! Hope you continue to stay interested!  
  
SexyBlack: Thanks for reviewing! My British attempts are quite small...I pretty much only use the words bloody and mate, lol, mainly because I don't understand some of the other stuff...like that mickey business and wotcher...I don't get it! Hope you enjoy this next chapter!  
  
JemmaBlackwell: I'm sorry that these last few chapters weren't the best for you. I agreed with the last comment in your review somewhat, but I wrote what I did because it was the only think I could think of to end the chapter. I've changed it slightly and hope it's a little bit better. As to the rest of your review...first, I know Honeydukes is the candy shop, but they had to go through the witch statue thing and through Honeydukes to get to Hogsmead and then to the Hogshead...I may have mixed up the names by accident in the story, but I don't think so. Also the drinking thing...I didn't want the story to be ALL sensitivity, you know. And I know that it's common for people to drown their sorrows in alcohol...which is what I had them do. I don't think it was ridiculous to have them downing the shots like they did...I've seen people do it when they want to forget something. Now here's what I'm wondering...are you British or American or something else? Because I've recently befriended someone from Austria where (like England) the drinking age is lower so drinking isn't quite the same as in America. He says we're all immature, wild, crazy, etc...but that's all I really know so that's how I wrote it. I figure that if you're from a place that has a lower drinking age you might be thinking along the lines of my friend...Anyway, I'm really sorry you didn't like the chapter, those were just me defenses, lol. I really want everyone to like what I write, so I hope that I did do better this time. Please tell me what you think of this chapter as well!  
  
The four marauders were gathered at the Gryffindor table eating their dinner quite peacefully. However, James noticed Sirius and Remus constantly staring at the entrance to the hall. Their eyes both lit up as Severus Snape walked into the Great Hall by himself and they exchanged a sneaky glance. James watched them curiously.  
  
"Wow Sirius," Peter said. "You really did a number on Snape!"  
  
Indeed he had. Snape had walked in with a large bandage over his nose. Both of his eyes and the majority of his cheeks were deep purple and his lip was swollen and cracked.  
  
"Oh," Sirius said. "That was nothing."  
  
Again James gave Sirius a funny look but decided he would just wait and see what his friend had up his sleeve.  
  
Sirius and Remus both had their hands under the table and their arms were moving every so slightly. James shook his head and sat back to enjoy the show. Suddenly there was a big commotion at the Slytherin table and James craned his neck to see what was going on.  
  
Snape was standing on the bench where he had been sitting. He was singing, in the most tone-deaf voice anybody had ever heard, the lyrics to Beatles songs of the past. He jumped from song to song and back again and everyone in the Great Hall was bent over with laughter. Sirius and Remus were sniggering behind their hands as they watched Dumbledore at the head table singing along and waving his wand as if to orchestrate.  
  
After nearly ten minutes of the entertainment Snape suddenly stopped singing and looked around. Then an extremely pissed off look came over his face and he jumped down from the bench. He stormed over to the Gryffindor table where Sirius, Remus, James and Peter were still leaning on the table laughing hysterically.  
  
"Think it's funny? Think it's funny to do this shit to me?! We'll see how funny you find this later. We'll see!" He stormed off.  
  
"We'll see!" Sirius mocked and they all laughed some more.  
  
"That was a good one boys. How'd you do it?"  
  
"Something similar to the imperious curse," Sirius said.  
  
James jaw dropped.  
  
Remus shook his head, "It's more like hypnosis."  
  
"What's hypnosis?"  
  
"It's a muggle thing where you put someone in a trance and can get them to do things. They won't do anything they really don't want to do...the only way I could explain it to Sirius was to say it was like hypnosis."  
  
"So he actually knew all those songs?" James asked.  
  
Remus nodded and tried not to laugh. "This one time I was walking down by the lake and he was belting out Imagine while watching the squid sunbathe...I knew I could use that eventually. Some pure blood wizard!"  
  
Sirius laughed, "It was pure genius wasn't it boys?"  
  
"That it was...I wonder what he's going to do to try and get us back."  
  
"I don't know, but he had it coming...stealing Brie and all." Remus's mood went down a few notches.  
  
"He always has it coming," Sirius added. He then yawned and sighed, "I have so much homework and I have to do at least half of it for once."  
  
Remus laughed slightly and nodded his head. "I have to do it all."  
  
"No you don't Rem...you're just an overachiever."  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. "Do you remember what Wednesday is? I have to do it all."  
  
That Wednesday was the next full moon. Remus was already feeling its pull and knew he had to get as much work done as he could that night because the rest of the week would be a no go on homework.  
  
"Oh yeah," Sirius and James replied simultaneously  
  
"Let's go," Remus said, and they all went up to the tower to do piles of homework.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Those last few days before the full moon passed in a fury. Remus and Sirius were both getting past there problems and normalcy seemed to have found itself again amongst the marauders.  
  
On full moon nights they always ate dinner earlier than usual so that Remus could make it down to the willow in time and that Wednesday was no different. It was a very peaceful dinner and they all shared a few laughs and quietly planned what adventures they'd go on that night in their animal forms. Sirius used his wand as a pointer to the pseudo map of the grounds he had created on the table and pointed out where the new territory he wanted to explore was. They all agreed on that plan and Sirius stuck his wand in his back pocket with satisfaction.  
  
When they were almost finished with their meals Snape walked by their table and Sirius and James turned to stare at him. His face was now a light purple and yellow.  
  
"Hey, Snivellus," Sirius said as he stopped beside them glaring in disgust. "Your face looks like a pansy, it suits you wonderfully." The others laughed at the corny joke and Snape glared, walking past without comment. Remus, however, noticed the faintest trace of a smile on his enemies face. He paid it no heed, however, and went back to discussing the night with the others.  
  
"It's getting late, boys," Remus said about a half an hour before he'd have to leave.  
  
They all stood up and walked out of the Great Hall. They made it half way to Gryffindor tower when Sirius stopped dead and patted down all of his pockets.  
  
"What's wrong?" James asked.  
  
Sirius threw his head back and sighed. "My wands gone."  
  
"You must have left it on the table after you were using it as a pointer," Remus said.  
  
"Yah," Sirius said running his hand through his hair, though he could have sworn he had placed it in his back pocket. "I'll meet you guys up there."  
  
"Wait, Sirius, I think I want to go down early and be by myself for a little bit. Why don't you and the others meet me at like 8:30?"  
  
"Sure you won't beat yourself up too much in that time?" Sirius asked apprehensively.  
  
"Yeah, it's usually later at night that I cause the most damage."  
  
"Okay, I'll see you then," Sirius replied. He watched them continue on and then retraced his steps.  
  
Almost back to the Great Hall, Sirius found himself tripping over something and landing flat on his face. He looked up to see Snape with the same pissed off expression on his face, his left foot casually out in front of him.  
  
"We must stop meeting like this Snivellus," Sirius said, jumping easily to his feet.  
  
"Looking for this Black?" Snape asked casually dangling Sirius's wand in front of his face.  
  
"Indeed," Sirius said matter-of-factly, not even bothering to grab his wand back. Snape would only pull it away; so predictable.  
  
"You think you're funny don't you Black?" Snape snarled.  
  
"Yeah....pretty much," Sirius said arrogantly, brushing his nose with his thumb.  
  
Snape glared and said, "These last six years you've made my life a living hell!"  
  
"Well that's because you're a greasy, evil, git...if you dropped the evil thing perhaps we'd be a little nicer."  
  
"That Brianna cunt broke up with me and it's your fucking fault!" pushing Sirius up against the wall.  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes calmly and looked into Snape's face. "Did you actually think she went out with you because she liked you? She just wanted to piss of Remus. Unfortunately it worked, but that's a whole other story. Can't really blame her for not wanting to continue to date a greasy, evil, git after you served your purpose now can you?"  
  
Snape drew his wand and pointed it directly between Sirius's eyes. "Don't start with me Black...I have two wands, you have zero...tell me who could win this one?"  
  
"I suppose that's the only way you could win one, huh, Sniv? When you're fighting an unarmed opponent. That's very noble of you."  
  
"I could take on any one of you marauders any day of the week," he snarled.  
  
"I'd like to see you take on Remus tonight," Sirius muttered quietly.  
  
Snape's eyes narrowed his eyes on Sirius, "Is that a challenge?"  
  
Sirius knew he had already gone too far but couldn't let himself back down from Snape now. The honor of every marauder was at stake at that moment.  
  
"Sure is," Sirius replied. "Tonight around...let's say eight o'clock. See, there's a tunnel under the whomping willow, that's where he'll be. That big knot on the trunk; you're going to prod it with a stick and then you'll get in. That's where Remus will be. Now give me my fucking wand back before I have to brighten those bruises and make your nose a little more crooked."  
  
Snape glared and shoved the wand into Sirius's hand. He turned and stalked away. Sirius pocketed his wand and ran back towards his tower. As he got closer he slowed his pace.  
  
"What the fuck did I just do?!" he muttered aloud, stopping dead in his tracks for the second time that night. He looked at his watch it was already quarter till 8.  
  
"Where the Hell have you been Sirius? Did you find your wand?" Sirius looked up to see James and Peter approaching him.  
  
"I-I umm...had a run in with Snape," Sirius stuttered.  
  
"Are you okay mate?"  
  
Sirius shook his head urgently and he wiped his now sweaty forehead.  
  
James approached, concern written all over his face. He grabbed Sirius's shoulders lightly and asked, "What did he do to you?"  
  
"He...I...Remus!"  
  
"Sirius calm down," James said. "What did Snape do?"  
  
"He took my-my wand at dinner. And-and we fought and shit—damn git tripped me. Said he could take us all on any day of the week...told him he couldn't take Rem...and-and..."  
  
James stared at him with dead seriousness. "You didn't do what I think you did..."  
  
Sirius bit his lip and nodded.  
  
"Fuck Sirius! What the Hell were you thinking!"  
  
"I wasn't James! I wasn't! I just didn't want him to think he was better than us."  
  
"Remus is going to fucking kill him! Then the ministry is going to kill Remus!"  
  
Sirius stared blankly at James and opened his mouth to explain himself. James pushed him against the wall roughly and turned away saying, "Peter, we have to go save Snape!"  
  
Peter and James took off at a run through the castle. Sirius slid back against the wall and buried his head into his knees.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As they ran out the front doors of the castle they saw the figure of Snape picking up a stick near the willow. James and Peter transformed and set off at a run towards the willow.  
  
They ran at their top speed, but weren't fast enough, Snape had frozen the tree, and before he could so much as glance inside Moony came bounding out, as he had been waiting anxiously for his pack. (This is where I may have exaggerated the real story...hope you don't mind)  
  
Snape froze in fear the moment he saw the wolf. Moony froze at the same time and surveyed the human before him. He had never gotten to taste human flesh and he had hungered for it for the longest time.  
  
With a low growl Moony got ready to attack when he was suddenly knocked out of the way by his pack mate. Snape took it as his opportunity to run and set off towards the school. Moony tried to follow but James lowered his head and shoved the wolf back towards the willow with his antlers. Peter held his paw on the knot long enough for James to shove him back into the tunnel and quickly let off it. They both looked towards where Snape had run and found him laying on the ground half way back to the castle, passed out from fear.  
  
They both transformed back to their human forms. James ran his hands through his messy hair. "I can't fucking believe that just happened," he whispered.  
  
Peter nodded, huffing and puffing, trying to catch his breath.  
  
They both walked towards Snape's collapsed form. James pointed his wand at him and muttered, "Enervate."  
  
Snape sprung back to his feet. "Werewolf!" he screamed and looked in every direction frantically.  
  
"Snape, it's over, he can't get you now."  
  
"Potter?" Snape snarled and looked at him strangely. "Black said Lupin would be...but there was a wolf...Lupin's a werewolf?!"  
  
James nodded seriously.  
  
"Why the fuck is that monster at this school?!"  
  
"He's not a fucking monster!" James yelled angrily.  
  
"Well he is out of here. The whole school will know about this I assure you! I'm going to speak with Dumbledore this instance. Black tried to kill me! You were in on it too, weren't you Potter? Pettigrew? You'll all be expelled and that...that MONSTER will be put down!"  
  
"We just saved your fucking life Snape!" James yelled back. "Sirius did this to you, it wasn't Pete and I! We fucking saved you!"  
  
"Like you didn't help Black plan this," Snape snarled. He turned on his heel and stormed to the castle. James and Peter followed him inside and all the way up to Professor Dumbledore's office. Snape being a Slytherin prefect knew the password to get upstairs. He pounded on the door.  
  
After a few minutes Dumbledore opened it wearing a long night gown with a robe over it. He took one look at Snape and his company and knew something serious must have happened.  
  
"Black and these bloody arse holes tried to have me killed by a werewolf!"  
  
Dumbledore was taken aback by this and let it sink in for a moment. "James, go get Sirius. Severus, you'll tell me what has happened."  
  
"But..." James began.  
  
"I'll be listening to your side as well, and Mr. Pettigrew will be here to correct any errors."  
  
James nodded and angrily sped off in search of his friend. At that moment he could have killed Sirius with his own two hands. Not only could Snape be dead, and Remus granted a death sentence, but now they were all in very serious danger of being expelled. James didn't even want to think what this would do to Remus when he found out the news.  
  
He found Sirius exactly where he had left him. He was still sitting against the wall sobbing. James gave him a swift kick in his right leg which sent Sirius rolling onto his side.  
  
"You bloody bastard! What the Hell were you thinking Sirius?!"  
  
Sirius looked up, tears still streaming down his face. "What happened?" he croaked.  
  
"Nothing more than Snape getting the shit scared out of him. He knows now, Sirius and he's going to spread it all over the fucking school. He's up in Dumbledore's office right now trying to get us all fucking expelled!"  
  
Sirius looked up sorrowfully. "I'm sorry....I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, James."  
  
James bit his lip and shook his head, clenching his fists so as not to beat his friend to a bloody pulp. "It's not me who you need to apologize to, and if it was I wouldn't be forgiving this."  
  
Sirius nodded and curled back up against the wall.  
  
"Dumbledore wants to see you in his office." James muttered and turned to walk away. He went a few steps and then saw that Sirius wasn't budging. He sighed angrily and turned back, "NOW!!!" He waited for Sirius to stand up and begin to follow. James then walked back to Dumbledore's office, keeping himself a few paces ahead of Sirius.  
  
When they reached the office again James pounded on the door, and waited impatiently for the door to open. He couldn't stand being near his friend at that moment without at least giving him one hard punch to the face.  
  
He was so relieved when Dumbledore opened the door that he practically ran inside and took the chair between Snape and Peter. There were only three chairs, which left the ashamed Sirius standing next to Dumbledore's desk, staring at the floor.  
  
Dumbledore surveyed Sirius with the slightest spark of disappointment in his eyes. He turned back to Snape and said, "Mr. Snape, I'm terribly sorry for the ordeal you've been through tonight. However, I must ask that you not speak a word of this to anyone...not even a ghost may know. If I hear that this has gotten out you will be the one packing your bags, do I make myself clear?"  
  
Snape blanched and looked ready to argue. Dumbledore gave him a stern look and Snape nodded.  
  
"You may go. I'll speak with you further on this issue tomorrow evening."  
  
Snape nodded and stood to leave. He glared at the three boys and looked ready to spit on Sirius as he walked by.  
  
After he was gone. Dumbledore forced Sirius into the now empty chair. He stood in front of Sirius powerfully, simply staring. He waited for Sirius to look up, that time didn't come.  
  
"I'm so, sorry professor. I didn't mean—it just came out! I-I didn't think!" he muttered, staring at Dumbledore's slippers.  
  
"That my boy is clear. Do you realize what you've done?"  
  
Sirius nodded slowly, sadly. "I betrayed my best friend in the worst way possible. I almost got another person killed and almost made my friend a murderer. I—I...I'll go pack my things."  
  
He got up to leave but Dumbledore put his hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down. "Mr. Black, why did you do this?"  
  
Sirius shook his head wildly, "I don't even know. I was just so mad at Snape and he was talking like he was better than us...and it just slipped—and my mouth took over. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I just couldn't shut up. I'm the worst person on this planet...I'm worse than my entire family...."  
  
"No, Mr. Black, I don't believe you are. I do believe you've just made a very big mistake, but I'll not be expelling you."  
  
Sirius looked up in awe. "I believe you are a good person, Mr. Black and that you can do great things in this world. We need more wizards like you."  
  
Sirius shook his head.  
  
"Yes, we just need to fine tune you a little bit more...teach you to control that temper. And to do that I'm deducting all Gryffindor house points under your name. You'll be on suspension from all school activities for the rest of the year, and you'll be serving detention with Mr. Filch every day for the next month. Do you understand?"  
  
"I deserve nothing less," Sirius muttered. "I'm so sorry Professor."  
  
"I know you are, which is why I'm not going to expel you."  
  
"As for you two," he said turning his attention to James and Peter. "I'm not even going to ask how you managed to keep Mr. Lupin from tearing Mr. Snape to shreds. I don't think I want to know. You'll both be given 100 house points for your bravery, which will be added after Mr. Black's points are deducted."  
  
"Thank you sir," James said, and Peter nodded.  
  
"Mr. Black, Mr. Pettigrew, I ask that you go back to your tower now. I'd like a word alone with Mr. Potter."  
  
They both stood up and left, Sirius still staring at the floor.  
  
When the door closed Dumbledore let out a sigh and leaned against his desk. "I imagine you're quite angry with Mr. Black."  
  
James clenched his fists and nodded.  
  
"I must ask that you go easy on him."  
  
"What?!" James asked.  
  
Dumbledore held up his hand and continued, "What Sirius did was very wrong and there's no excuse for it. But I believe he did it due to his insecurities. You all have a strong rivalry with the Slytherin House, but for Sirius it's even worse. Many of them are his relatives, whom he has completely turned his back on. I think we both agree that that is for the best. However, he feels a need to prove himself and you, his friends, to them. I believe this is why he's done what he's done. As I said there's no excuse for it, but he does deserve forgiveness."  
  
James nodded and said, "I don't think I can give it to him immediately."  
  
"Of course not. But I beg of you, do not stay angry with him forever. There's no telling what he'll do if he's lost the only group of people he has ever felt he belonged with."  
  
"Yes sir," James replied. He made to get up but Dumbledore stopped him by again holding up his hand.  
  
"I have one more thing to ask of you."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I would like you to be the one to tell Remus what has happened."  
  
"Me? Are you sure that's-"  
  
"I'm positive that you're the best one to break the news to him. He trusts you and your judgments. Let him know what has happened and please also help him understand Sirius's motives."  
  
"I'll do it," James said sighing.  
  
"I appreciate that James. You know where he'll be I assume?"  
  
James nodded, "Hospital wing."  
  
"And please inform him that I'll be stopping by later in the day to speak with him in more detail about the event."  
  
"Will do...may I go now?"  
  
"Of course James. And please remember what I've said."  
  
James nodded and said, "Good night sir."  
  
"Good night James."  
  
James walked slowly back to the tower. When he reached the door to the dorm he looked at his watch. It was 12:30 PM and he was drained. He slowly turned the handle and was met with two distinct noises. One was Peter's snoring. The other was the soft crying of his best friend.  
  
James sighed contemplating whether he should ignore the crying or talk to his friend. He made up his mind and walked towards Sirius's bed where the curtains were pulled closed.  
  
Sirius was sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows on knees, head in hands, and shoulders racking with sobs he tried to suppress. James sat beside him.  
  
"Sirius. I'm angrier with you right now than I've ever been in my life. I can't believe you've done this to Remus...and to the rest of us. Right now I can't forgive you."  
  
He noticed Sirius stiffen slightly as he continued to cry.  
  
"But I will forgive you mate...and Remus will too." James sat there as though waiting for a reply. He knew it would never come and for a few moments he just watched Sirius cry.  
  
After several minutes had passed James turned towards Sirius and pulled him into a tight hug. "Everything's going to be alright Sirius."  
  
"I-I ruined everything...I could have..."  
  
"Yeah you could have, but you didn't," James muttered, rocking Sirius slowly. "Everyone's safe, everyone's alright."  
  
"I—I created Moony's worst fear. He's going to hate me....you should hate me too."  
  
"I could never hate you Padfoot....I can be bloody pissed off like I am now...but I'll never hate you."  
  
Sirius shook his head.  
  
"Stop crying Sirius, there were no deaths tonight."  
  
James rubbed his friends back as he took deep breaths trying to stem off the tears. After about five minutes his face was beginning to dry and his breathing became regular.  
  
"Thanks James...for not hating me and for stopping what I almost caused..."  
  
"Yah Sirius..." James said. He couldn't help but become distant from his friend now that the tears had stopped. "Go to bed Sirius. We'll talk more about this in the morning." He got up and quickly headed to his own bed before Sirius could say anymore.  
  
James slept quite restlessly that night, all the time contemplating how he was going to break the news to Remus. He was bound to know something was up when he realized his friends weren't there when he changed back.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
James awoke at about 8 AM the next day. Sirius was still asleep, and Peter was already gone, probably at breakfast. James didn't bother waking his friend, knowing there was no way Sirius would even consider going to classes that day. In fact, James didn't intend to either. He was going to be there for both of his friends that day, no matter how much pain it caused himself.  
  
After getting dressed he made his way down to the hospital wing. He opened the door and heard the sound of Remus's voice. "Something happened last night, didn't it Madam Pomfrey?"  
  
"I don't believe anything happened last night, Mr. Lupin," Madam Pomfrey replied, confusion evident in her voice. "But I need you to calm down; otherwise, you're not going to heal."  
  
"But-" Remus said. He stopped as James entered the area.  
  
"Mr. Potter, you know you aren't supposed to be here at this hour."  
  
"I know, Madam Pomfrey, but Professor Dumbledore asked me to come down here and have a little talk with Remus. In private," he added.  
  
"Well he hasn't informed me of this, so I must ask you to leave."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere if you don't believe me go ask Professor Dumbledore. I'm surprised he hasn't already been down to see you."  
  
Remus looked sharply at James. Madam Pomfrey eyed him suspiciously and then walked to her office, closing the door.  
  
"James....what happened? Why didn't you guys come down last night? Why do you look so serious?"  
  
James stepped up to Remus's bed and sat on the edge of it. He took a deep breath and began to tell Remus exactly what happened, staring at a random spot on the wall as he did so.  
  
When he finished he looked up at Remus to find his eyes closed and his hand on his forehead.  
  
"Sirius...?" Remus mumbled, as if verifying that it was truly Sirius who had done that to him.  
  
"Yeah," James said taking Remus's hand off his forehead and holding it tight in his own. With his other hand, James brushed over the hair on Remus's head. "But Moony, he was upset he didn't mean to do it. You know how he can be."  
  
"But how could he..." Remus's lip trembled.  
  
"Shhhh," James whispered. One tear leaked from Remus's eye and James brushed it away with his thumb. Before more could follow he scooped his friend into a tight hug. Remus buried his face in and tried not to cry any harder. He succeeded and pulled away after a few moments.  
  
"Do you think you can forgive him?" James asked quietly.  
  
Remus shrugged looking sadly around the room. "I'm going to need to talk to him...I can't believe..."  
  
"I couldn't either," James muttered. "But he's sorry...I don't think he's ever been so sorry for anything he's ever done in his life. He was an absolute mess."  
  
"He should be."  
  
James nodded. "Dumbledore's asking that we both take it easy on him...he'll be by to talk to you later. He wanted me to break the news to you."  
  
"I want to talk to Sirius before I see Dumbledore."  
  
"I think you should definitely talk to Dumbledore first."  
  
"No! I want to talk to Sirius now!" Remus yelled.  
  
James backed away slightly and nodded. "I'll just go get him then, alright?"  
  
Remus nodded and lay back in his hospital bed after watching James walk out the door. Never in his life had Remus felt such a mixture of anger and grief at once. It was quite a nasty combination.  
  
After about five minutes Sirius appeared in the hospital wing and approached Remus's bed. The expression on his face showed pure fear. "I'm so sorry Remus," Sirius said, biting his lip.  
  
Remus looked up at him and didn't say a word. He simply stared into Sirius's watery eyes. Sirius held the gaze as firmly as he could. It was difficult, as Sirius could see the sadness and hurt in his friend's eyes.  
  
They stayed that way for a while, just looking into each others eyes, neither saying a word. The silence was deadly and Sirius felt as though he was going to lose his mind if he had to face it for much longer. However, Remus had lost the will to talk. He felt as though there was nothing he needed to say or hear. Sirius had betrayed him in the worst way possible. Remus didn't even want to think about what Sirius's actions the previous night could have caused.  
  
Remus drew a deep breath after several moments of the stiff silence and said, "What the fuck were you thinking Sirius? Huh? How could you do that to me? I really can't even imagine that there is a real reason for you telling Snape that! I just can't even fathom a fucking reason! So would you care to explain to me why you did this?"  
  
Sirius didn't know what to say. He was more ashamed of himself than he had ever been in his life. Running through his possible excuses in his head, he found that none of them were good enough to tell Remus. He had betrayed his friend and really didn't even have a reason for it.  
  
In response to Remus's question he simply said, "No."  
  
"Then leave!" Remus yelled, his face crumbling as tears began to fall.  
  
"Remus I--!" Sirius began, walking closer to the bed.  
  
"I don't want to hear it Sirius! Just leave me alone!" He cried bitterly.  
  
Sirius tried to put his hand on his friends shoulder. Remus slapped it away and yelled in a voice more powerful then Sirius had ever heard, "Get out of here!"  
  
Not needing to be told again Sirius ran out of the hospital wing, trying to control his own tears that wanted to escape as well.  
  
"I'm sorry Remus," he muttered before he set off down the hall.  
  
After Sirius left Remus broke down further and that was exactly how Professor Dumbledore found him a short while later.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hope you all enjoyed that! As usual, please review for me....please???  
  
Also, anybody seen that Gap commercial for stress free khakis? That's how I see an adult Sirius...gorgeous!!! Anybody else completely appalled at the goons they have playing Remus and Sirius in POA? 


	7. Mashed Potatoes

Chapter number 7 has arrived! I think it's a pretty decent chapter, not the best, but certainly not the worst that I've ever done. Anyway, thanks for those who reviewed:  
  
Jemma Blackwell: It took me awhile to figure out what you meant in your review but I got it and make's perfect sense...which makes me kind of sad, lol. You're right that in the way I told it Snape doesn't even have a reason to believe that James saved him. Why I don't ever figure that out on my own is just beyond me. Anyway, you're not really being too critical, but I'm beginning to wonder why you keep reading. You don't seem to like much about the story. I appreciate the constructive criticism and I intend to change some things based on what you've said, but I wouldn't be able to put up with reading a story that I had so many issues with. I do however appreciate that you keep reading. Anyway, about Gary Oldman...don't like him at all! This is because I'm weird and have completely glamorized him in my mind. If you ever see the GAP commercial or here any of my other opinions on who should play him you'd see that, lol. And David Thewlis just doesn't seem right at all! I don't even glamorize Remus nearly as much but this guy is just not him! The only movie I've seen him in was TimeLine and I couldn't believe that he would be playing my beloved Remus Lupin....Anyway, thanks for continuing to read and review!  
  
Tanya J Potter: Thanks for the review! This is just a really, really overly friendly fic, lol. I kind of have thought about making it slash, but most of my reviewers have asked that it not be. I actually might go back afterwards and make a slash version for those who want it. Not sure on that yet. But although they seem a little too close to just be friends at points, that's all they are in this version :) Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Tina: Thanks for the review!  
  
Polaris: I'm glad you enjoyed it so much :) And I'm glad you didn't like the immediate forgiveness, I hate when people do that. However, I also don't like when they prolong it for like a year. And I don't think I'll give up until the end on this one. There's not going to be that much left to it anyway.  
  
Sexy Black: I'm glad you liked that chapter...I rather enjoyed it too :) This one will be just as emotional, but probably not as good. I'll admit that it was kind of a hard one to get through, but I think I did an acceptable job with it. Tell me what you think!  
  
Katie: That sucks about your mom not letting you read. It's weird that mines causing difficulty...maybe it's the swearing? I'm also glad that you liked the way I wrote "the incident", one reviewer told me that I did it in a way that didn't really work with the books, which is true and that sucks...but I'm going to keep it anyway, lol, cuz I like it too! And as for seeing people who look like them, everywhere I go I do that. I'll be like oh that little boy is a total Remus age 7, or Sirius 15 right there lol. My favorite is this kid who goes to my college, don't know his name but he's the perfect Sirius at 19-20 *swoons* He's so laid back and gorgeous lol and he seems really nice...if only I had a class with him or something! Okay...you probably didn't need to hear all of that. Anyway I hope you can read this chapter and if you can't read a chapter review an old chapter or something and tell me to email it to you...I wouldn't mind at all! And you need to take your story of hiatus! Both Loss and that one that only has one big long chapter! I don't remember what it's about but I liked it! That's all for now :)  
  
Hp-Azn: It's alright that you didn't review earlier, it just makes me sad when I put up a chapter and get like 3 reviews, you know. My first story would get like 20 per chapter and now this one averages about 5...I think I was spoiled earlier, lol. Anyway, I'm sorry I don't update more frequently but I've been very busy lately. It seems that every one of my professors wants a five page paper out of me these days! Anyway, angst is always a must with me until the very end! No need to hint *wink*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Albus Dumbledore entered the hospital wing and approached the bed of a most distressed young man. For six years Albus had seen the boy deal with problems no person should ever have to deal with, especially a boy Remus's age. Yet, Albus had never seen the boy as upset as he now was.  
  
Remus didn't even notice the headmaster's presence until he felt a thin arm over his shoulder. He looked to the side and saw the long white beard and knew whose arm was over his shoulder.  
  
Dumbledore felt the boy stiffen under his arm and breath in harshly, drying his face with his sleeve. "Professor..." he choked out.  
  
"I see Mr. Potter has spoken with you Remus?"  
  
Remus nodded and sniffed.  
  
"And what are your thoughts on this?"  
  
Looking up sadly into Dumbledore's face Remus mumbled, "I thought I could trust him...I thought he was my friend. My best friend," he added.  
  
"Do you understand why he's done this?"  
  
"I asked him...I wanted to give him a chance...he wouldn't tell me why he did it."  
  
"Do you have any idea what would trigger him to do this?"  
  
"No...and I mean of all people Snape!" Remus thought about this for a moment. "Snape must have hit a nerve with him...but that's no excuse!"  
  
"No, it isn't."  
  
"I just don't...I would never do that to him. No matter how angry I was with anyone..."  
  
"Mr. Lupin, I'm going to tell you exactly what I told James on this matter," Dumbledore said calmly. "As you know nearly all of Mr. Black's relatives have much different views on the world than you and your friends. Sirius has broken away from that mold and the entire Slytherin house. He now feels as though he has something to prove to them. He wants to prove that his decision to break from his heritage is the right decision."  
  
"What does that have to do with him betraying me, Sir?"  
  
"It has everything to do with you, Remus. And the rest of your friends as well. Not only does Sirius feel the need to prove himself, but he feels the need to prove his friends as well. I do believe Mr. Snape challenged Sirius. Knowing Snape couldn't beat you last night, Sirius simply set up a sort of duel in which you were sure to win. Obviously he wasn't thinking logically. I know he's very sorry for what he's done, and I really think this is something that should be forgiven."  
  
"Who's to say that Sirius won't do this again the next time someone challenges him?"  
  
"That's for you to decide Mr. Lupin, and decide you must. I believe that Sirius is genuinely sorry for what he has done and is very unlikely to do this again. If I felt as though he truly meant to hurt you and Mr. Snape, he would be on his way home right now. However, I have faith that he will not repeat this incident. It's clear he cares a great deal about you. So please talk to him, give him a fair chance to explain himself. If you find his apologies unworthy of forgiveness, that is your choice. I just beg that you give him a chance."  
  
Remus nodded sadly.  
  
"How are you feeling in respect to your...condition."  
  
"Same old...do you think you can ask Madam Pomfrey to let me out of here earlier than usual?"  
  
"Are you sure you're up to it?"  
  
Remus nodded. "I'd feel better if I wasn't stuck in this room."  
  
"Then you may leave. I'll inform Poppy after you're gone. Otherwise I think she'd be rather difficult to convince."  
  
"Thank you professor," Remus said climbing slowly off the bed.  
  
"Anytime, my dear boy. And please remember what I said."  
  
"Yes, Sir," Remus mumbled as he walked out of the hospital wing. Albus saw the difficulty with which the boy walked but tried to ignore it. The boy had enough willpower to get himself wherever he wanted to go, even if his strength wasn't all there.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After Sirius left the hospital wing he didn't quite know what to do with himself. He didn't want to go back to the dorms because he'd have to face James, and he sure as Hell wasn't going to his classes that day. Thus Sirius settled on roaming the corridors of the school, avoiding all places where he should have been, at the given hour.  
  
He was finally getting tired of the wandering and was ready to head up to his bed when he came across someone sitting on the stairs, breathing heavily. As he got closer he saw that it was Remus, who apparently had missed a trick step and was now stuck. Under normal circumstances Remus could have gotten himself out, but after the full moon he just didn't have the strength. Sirius saw that he was close to tears as he half-heartedly tried to remove his foot.  
  
"Are you okay?" Sirius asked cautiously as he approached his friend.  
  
Remus sat straight up as he heard Sirius's voice. He shook his head frantically and choked back his stress created tears. Sirius stood next to his friend and put a hand on the stuck ankle. He twisted it slightly to the right and pulled back and up, freeing Remus's foot of the trick step.  
  
"Thanks," Remus mumbled, still trying to prevent the tears that wanted to fall. He turned away from Sirius and continued up the stairs, stumbling as he went. As he reached the top step he tripped and landed on the ground. "Damn it!" he yelled, banging the floor with his fists. The tears then began to fall from his eyes. Sirius put his hands on either side of Remus's hips and helped him back to his feet. Remus just stood in that spot, tears streaming down his face as he tried to suppress his tears. "I'm so fucking helpless!" he yelled.  
  
Slowly, cautiously, Sirius put his arms around Remus and pulled him close. Remus cried into his chest and he slowly rubbed his back. "Why did you have to tell Snape, Sirius?" Remus muttered into his shirt.  
  
"I wish I hadn't...lets go upstairs and talk about this Moony. We can't stay here. Classes are going to switch any minute."  
  
Remus nodded and wiped his eyes. Sirius pulled away but kept his arm around Remus's back. "You should still be in the hospital wing," he stated quietly.  
  
"I couldn't stand being there...I could only think about how you fucked me over."  
  
Sirius sighed and helped Remus limp all the way up to Gryffindor Tower. Once they had reached the dorm Remus was huffing and puffing, practically leaning all of his weight on Sirius for support.  
  
After leading him to his bed, Sirius set Remus on the edge and pulled back the blankets. Gently he helped Remus into them and then pulled the blankets up around his neck.  
  
"Thank you Sirius," Remus said formally.  
  
Sirius flinched slightly at the tone and nodded.  
  
"May I ask why you felt the need to prevent me from killing myself last week when you were going to turn me into a murderer? You do realize that they would have 'put me down' if I had killed Snape don't you?!"  
  
"Remus!" Sirius exclaimed, shocked that Remus would say something like that. "You know that's not what I was doing...I just didn't think!"  
  
"That's obvious Sirius."  
  
"I know, Remus...get some sleep. I'll still be here and you can yell at me after you've gotten some rest." Sirius backed away from Remus's bed, towards his own.  
  
"Sirius you know I don't just want to yell at you!" Remus exclaimed. "I want to know...to understand why you did this. I'm sure it will involve yelling but that's not what is going to make this better!"  
  
"I know. I'm sorry Remus...I really am. About everything. I wish I could take it all back. I would in a heart beat."  
  
"I wish you could too," Remus whispered and rolled over onto his stomach. "But you can't," he mumbled into his pillow. He shut his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.  
  
After closing the curtains around Remus's bed, Sirius threw himself down on his own bed. For a long time he simply lay there watching the rays of sunlight move slowly across the ceiling. He noted how the room darkened whenever a cloud passed by, but it always brightened up again. In a way watching it gave Sirius a small amount of hope that everything would be okay.  
  
After a while he too let sleep claim him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hours later he was rudely awoken by James Potter repeatedly poking him in the stomach. He stared at his friend with the slightest glare. Under normal circumstances Sirius would have tackled James to the ground after such a stunt, but he knew that he was still on quite rocky terms with his friend.  
  
"Why'd you do that?"  
  
James sat on the edge of his bed and said, "I want to know how it went with Moony. Is he all right? He's back here awfully early."  
  
Sirius sighed and wiped the sleep out of his eyes. He sat up and leaned his back against the headboard of his bed. "It didn't go well. I-I didn't know what to tell him James. I didn't have a good reason for doing what I did. I was stupid, plain and simple. How do you tell your friend that you betrayed him out of your own stupidity? How can he forgive that?"  
  
James shrugged. "What exactly happened when you went to see him?"  
  
With another sigh Sirius told him what had happened in the hospital wing that morning.  
  
"Did you expect any other reaction?"  
  
Sirius shook his head and replied, "I don't know what I expected really...I mean I knew he would be upset...really upset. But seeing him break down like that. It was awful James."  
  
"When I broke the news to him he only cried a little. He wouldn't let himself break down. Poor kid."  
  
Covering his face with his hand Sirius nodded his head. "We're going to talk about it when he wakes up. I'm kind of scared."  
  
"You should be," James said matter-of-factly.  
  
"You're still mad at me too, aren't you, James?"  
  
James nodded.  
  
Sirius stared at his knees for a moment and then said in a voice more timid then James had ever heard it, "Does that mean I'm not still welcome at your house this summer?"  
  
James sighed and smiled sadly. "I may be mad at you Sirius, but I don't hate you. I would never let you go back to that house after what you've told us. Of course you're still welcome. I don't think I ever got the chance to tell you this last night because when I went to find you...you had just done that very bad thing that I don't want to think about right now."  
  
"What were you going to tell me?"  
  
"I got a letter from my mum. I had told her that you were having 'problems' at home and that I wanted you to come live with us. She said she'd love to have you. I think you really charmed her that time you came for Christmas."  
  
Sirius grinned at James. "Thank you," he whispered.  
  
"My pleasure," he said. "You know Sirius...I don't think I'm really all that mad at you."  
  
"You're not? But you just said..."  
  
"I know what I said, but—well it's confusing. I think I'm just really angry about what you did. But somehow I understand why you did it...even though I think you're bloody thick for doing it...I understand. If I were really mad at you I don't think I'd be able to be anywhere near you right now without slapping you across the head."  
  
"Well that's a relief," Sirius joked.  
  
James lightly hit his hand across Sirius's head. Sirius laughed and then abruptly hugged James. He smiled in return and hugged his friend back.  
  
"I'm going to go check on Remus," James said, pulling away. Sirius nodded and watched his friend go across the room. He then lay back down on his bed and resumed watching the sun dance across the ceiling. It was now moving in much different ways than it had before.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
James peered through the curtains to see if Remus was still asleep. He was not.  
  
"Hey, mate," James said and step through the curtains. He sat next to Remus, who smiled slightly at him. "I just talked to Sirius."  
  
Remus's eyes darkened and he nodded. "What did you talk about?"  
  
"What happened earlier with you...and about the fact that I have forgiven him."  
  
"You have?"  
  
James nodded.  
  
"You think I should too, don't you James?"  
  
"That's up to you, mate. You need to actually talk to him first. He hasn't even explained himself to you yet."  
  
"He could have..."  
  
"I know he could have Remus...but you're not the easiest person to talk to when you're upset—and before you say it, I know, it's his own fault!"  
  
"Well it is!" he mumbled, slightly embarrassed that James knew exactly what was going through his head.  
  
James smirked. "I'm just curious Remus...do you realize that Sirius is sorry?"  
  
"Yes but..."  
  
Holding up his hand to stop Remus, James continued, "And do you realize how much he cares about you?"  
  
"I kind of wonder right now..."  
  
"Remus," James said in a warning voice.  
  
"Yes, I know that he cares about me."  
  
"And do you realize how scared he is right now that you aren't going to forgive him?"  
  
Remus sighed and nodded.  
  
"Just hear him out. I'm not saying you have to forgive him. But give him a chance to explain without you striking complete fear into him."  
  
"I hate this," Remus mumbled covering his face with his hands.  
  
"I know you do, mate."  
  
"James I just don't even want to talk to him right now...I don't think I can."  
  
"You don't have to do it right now...that's not why I came over here. But you do have to talk to him eventually."  
  
Remus nodded and shut his eyes for a few seconds.  
  
"It's almost time for dinner Rem....are you going to go down?  
  
Remus shook his head. "Could you bring me something back?"  
  
"Sure mate. I'll see you later."  
  
James turned to leave but Remus stopped him, "And can you make sure Sirius knows I don't want to see him right now?"  
  
"Yeah...even though I think you should talk to him sooner than later."  
  
Remus shrugged and let him go. He listened to James footsteps walk away and heard him say, "Lets go to dinner Sirius."  
  
"I want to talk to Remus first."  
  
"He's not ready to talk to you Sirius."  
  
"He's not...? Why?"  
  
"I think he's not ready to deal with whatever he's thinking about."  
  
"It feels like he's just trying to think of more and more reasons of why he shouldn't forgive me."  
  
Remus looked down at his knees as he listened, twirling the edge of the blanket between his fingers. Sirius had his motives nailed. Remus was mad; there was no doubt about that. He knew how persuasive Sirius could be. Surely, the second Sirius explained himself Remus would forgive him. If he allowed this to happen, Remus wouldn't be teaching Sirius a lesson at all. Sirius needed to learn that he can't always be his impulsive self.  
  
"But I suppose he shouldn't really forgive me anyway...you know what he said to me earlier?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"He asked me why I had stopped him from killing himself when I was going to cause his death anyway...I think he actually thought that I wanted him to die! And....James, I don't know how to convince him that I would never even want to hurt him. If I'd have caused his death I'd soon after be causing my own! I'm just so fucking stupid!"  
  
Remus felt his heart constrict tightly for a moment as he weakly climbed out of his bed. He silently pulled his curtains back slightly and walked into the main part of the room where he could see that Sirius had pulled the blankets tightly over his head. James was quietly trying to get him to come out. He saw Remus approaching. Remus held a finger to his lips so James wouldn't give away his presence.  
  
Remus grabbed the edge of the blanket and sharply yanked it out of Sirius's grasp.  
  
"James go a—Remus!" Sirius yelled, now looking up into Remus's expressionless face.  
  
"Could you give us a moment alone James?" Remus asked.  
  
"Sure I'll go find Peter, hopefully he'll be ready for dinner."  
  
They both watched James leave. Remus then made himself comfortable on the foot end of Sirius's bed.  
  
"I thought you didn't want to talk to me yet."  
  
"I didn't until I realized how stupid I was being. I heard everything you and James just said. And you're right, I didn't want to talk to you because I'm not ready to forgive...but that's just stupid."  
  
"It's understandable..."  
  
"That doesn't matter," Remus said sharply. "I just...I want to know what happened last night...I've heard it from James and I've heard it from Dumbledore. I want to here it from you."  
  
Sirius nodded his head and remained silent for a few seconds. "Okay, so Snape stole my wand, right?"  
  
"Is that why you sent him after me?" Remus asked scathingly.  
  
"Remus..." Sirius said in a pleading voice.  
  
"Sorry..."  
  
"Anyway so I went back to find it and he tripped me and then taunted me with my own wand. He was going to curse me or something when I didn't have a wand at all. So I basically told him the only way he could beat anyone was when the opponent was unarmed...He told me he could take out anyone of us any day of the week. And it made me so mad that he thought he was better than us...that Slytherin asshole!"  
  
Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hand. He looked at Remus to see if he understood what he had said so far, but his face was unreadable.  
  
"Anyway, so I was just so mad...and it was stupid to get so mad. I don't even know why it made me so mad! So I told him he couldn't beat you last night. He took it as a challenge and I just told him where you were and how to get there. It's like my mouth ran away from me. As I was saying it I knew I shouldn't be...but I just couldn't help it. I thought Snape needed a reality check or something."  
  
Remus remained silent, chewing on his lip roughly.  
  
"And so Snape left, planning on going to find you at 8:00...and I just started walking back to the dorm. Every step I took away from that spot I realized how stupid I had been. By the time I ran into James...thank god for James....I was like frantic. I don't think I could have done anything to save Snape...if I hadn't seen James just then. I'm sorry Remus...I never wanted to hurt you! I don't know what I would have done if..."  
  
"If I'd have killed Snape."  
  
"No, if they would have taken you away from me and the guys."  
  
Remus looked down at his feet.  
  
"I'm so fucking stupid. You have every right not to forgive me. I don't even forgive me." He curled up into a ball and pulled the blanket back up over his head. He felt the bed shake as Remus got up off of it. Remus wasn't going to forgive him. He bit his lip hard to keep from crying.  
  
He thought Remus had walked away and gone to his own bed or down stairs. However, when he felt a hand on his back and the blanket slowly gliding out from his light grasp on it he found that Remus was standing beside him.  
  
With a trembling lip he looked up at Remus. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.  
  
"I know," Remus whispered back. He grabbed Sirius's hand and pulled him into a sitting position.  
  
"Do...does...I mean...am I...forgiven?"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
Sirius didn't know whether to laugh or cry so he did neither. He half smiled at Remus and then pulled him into a tight hug, burying his face in Remus's shoulder.  
  
Remus laughed lightly and hugged back.  
  
"If you ever do something like this again, though, I'm going to drown you in the bathtub."  
  
Sirius released a muffled laugh and hugged Remus tighter. "It won't be happening again...I promise you that."  
  
After they pulled apart Sirius was still biting his lip.  
  
Remus put his hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"  
  
Sirius shrugged roughly, wiping his eyes with the cuff of his sleeve.  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
"I just feel so bad!" Sirius moaned. "I can only imagine how hurt you must have felt...probably still feel. And I caused it. And even though you forgave me...I still hurt you. There's nothing I can do to take that back." A few tears began to fall down his face.  
  
"You did hurt me, Sirius. You hurt me really bad...but you've been there for me so many other times."  
  
"Did you really think that I wanted you dead?"  
  
Remus shook his head, "No, I just found it really ironic. The person who saved me from killing myself almost caused my death in another way."  
  
"I'm really sorry," Sirius muttered.  
  
"It's alright Sirius, I forgive you. Now, you need to forgive yourself."  
  
Sirius nodded and dried his eyes of the few tears that had fallen. They stared at each other for a moment.  
  
"This is weird," Sirius stated.  
  
"Yeah it is. It shouldn't be," Remus replied.  
  
"But it is..."  
  
Remus nodded and laughed lightly. Sirius smiled at him, glad to see his friend laughing again.  
  
"Are you feeling better than this morning?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Well I haven't gotten stuck in any stair wells...I guess that's good right? And I made it over here to your bed. I'm still pretty sore and my head hurts...the usual."  
  
Sirius half smiled at him. Remus sighed awkwardly. "I think I'm going to go lie down again."  
  
"Okay, I think I'll go down and meet James at dinner."  
  
They both stood up, but neither immediately left.  
  
"Okay, bye," Sirius said and finally turned away. Remus watched him go and then slowly made his way to bed, nearly immediately falling back to sleep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hey James, where's Peter?" Sirius asked as he sat across from James at the table.  
  
"I don't know, but I didn't feel like waiting to find out." He lowered his voice and added, "How did it go with Remus?"  
  
Sirius sighed, scooping a large quantity of mashed potatoes onto his plate. "He's forgiven me...but I don't think he should have. And now things are just weird between us. Like, I don't even know what to say to him."  
  
"At least he forgave you. Things will probably get better soon."  
  
"I hope so."  
  
Sirius sighed. "I just hope we can all get past this. What does Peter think of all this?"  
  
James shrugged. "I honestly haven't seen him since we left Dumbledore's office."  
  
"That can't be good," Sirius said tentatively as he dug into his mashed potatoes.  
  
"We never really know what's going on in his head...why try now?"  
  
"I don't know...I wish this hadn't happened. I'm such a fool."  
  
"Yup, you are," James said matter-of-factly.  
  
Watching Sirius dejectedly eat his mashed potatoes, James couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"What?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Why don't you eat something else? Some chicken perhaps?"  
  
"I don't want to."  
  
"Sirius..."  
  
"I only want potatoes."  
  
"Okay, mate, but when you come to my house my mother is not going to let you get away with eating like that."  
  
Sirius looked up at the mention of his new summer arrangements and couldn't help but smile slightly. James had to smile back. Sirius then went back to eating his potatoes in silence.  
  
Suddenly Sirius looked up again, throwing his fork down on the table. "I don't feel like I can talk to you now, either! I hate this!"  
  
"Sirius..." James started as Sirius got up and walked straight out of the hall. James sighed and followed.  
  
Out of the castle and down towards the lake Sirius walked without turning at the sound of his friend's continuous pleas to stop.  
  
Tired of waiting for his friend to stop James sprinted ahead and stopped in front of Sirius, grabbing his soldiers. Sirius refused to look in to James face. "What is your issue, Sirius? We forgave you! Not only that but we forgave you really easily. We could have been much harder on you!"  
  
"Maybe you should have been."  
  
"Maybe...but we know you Sirius. We know you would never mean to hurt Remus...and you know that too. That's why we forgave you."  
  
Sirius's shoulders slumped as he tried to find the words to express how he was feeling. "James, you don't get it."  
  
"Then explain it to me."  
  
"It's just, I could have totally ruined Remus's life right? Do you know how awful it feels to realize what I could have done? I mean, thank the Lord it didn't happen, but it could have...and it would have been MY fault! And I'm—I'm—I guess I'm embarrassed. I mean, how stupid can you get? And I don't know what to say to either of you except that I'm sorry! How many times can I say that without sounding like an idiot?!"  
  
"Sirius, do you realize this happened yesterday? There's nothing else to talk about right now. Nothing else has happened! But we'll go to classes tomorrow...do other shit, and everything will go back to normal I promise you that."  
  
"I hate this feeling," Sirius mumbled.  
  
"Well consider this a lesson learned. And I know you really learned this all too well, but now you know what not to tell people in regards to your friends."  
  
Sirius just shook his head and sat down on the cool grass.  
  
James sat beside him and put his arm around Sirius, squeezing his neck in a comforting gesture. "Want to go for a fly? It'll take your mind off everything."  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
"Okay, you stay here I'll go get our brooms."  
  
"Okay," Sirius whispered and watched James retreat. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.  
  
After a few minutes he heard footsteps approach. "That was fast, James," he said, sitting up.  
  
However, his eyes didn't fall on James, rather two figures in black robes, standing quite defensively.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There...if it's at all obvious I didn't know where to take this story after that, but I think I like the plan I've developed in my head...hopefully you'll all like it as well. Anywhere between one and three chapter left until the end of this story.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!! 


	8. Sleeping in an Armchair

This chapter didn't take me long because I've had the kind of homework that you don't HAVE to do...and I decided I'd rather do this. Next week, however I have several tests and several papers to write, so it might be a bit longer...but I doubt it will take that long. Thanks for reading!!!  
  
Leila Rose: Thanks for reviewing. The black figures will be revealed...eventually :)  
  
Jemma Blackwell: I have a tendency of taking criticism very literally, I try to please everyone, you know. And I find all of your comments completely valid. I'm glad you liked the last chapter though :) It made me smile, lol. Also Mr. Gap commercial man really isn't a typical Sirius, and I'm not surprised that you don't see Sirius in him...my deal is that I generally don't like long hair at all. Few in my opinion can carry it off, so I just conveniently picture Sirius as a more clean cut person...though obviously in POA he won't quite be like that *sigh* Anyway, hope this chapter is up to par for you! Thanks for continuing to review!  
  
Sexy Black: I can't ever forget the angst! Gotta get my healthy doses of that. You know what I've noticed though? As in my old story, so far this story has had crying in every chapter, lol....I really get carried away. This chapter (I'll have to double check) doesn't have any crying, trust me though, it took a lot of restraint to have it that way, lol. Anyway I was reading a few random chapters of In Need of Sirius Help today and I think I really over did it. I'm thinking of redoing that fic after this one is over...does that sound like a good idea? I think I could really make that story good if I went back and fixed some things....anyway I'm glad you like my stuff :)  
  
Katie: lol, as I wrote my last message to you, I thought just that "if she can't read the chapter how's she going to know to do that?" but it's for future reference ok?! Anyway, I will never take someone liking my stories for granted...I need continual reinforcement so don't stop! I would be sad if you did! Is James going overboard with the word Mate? I just like that, I'm going to do study broad in two years and I'm going to Australia or London and I will say that left and right...actually, do girls get to say it or is it a guy thing? Oh I hope I can lol. Anyway, I think I laid off the word a bit in this chapter...And I'm the same way with not wanting the characters to fall in love and move on. It makes me sad in stories when they stop hanging around each other so much cuz of girls...hence this story beginning with a break up :) And don't compliment me in French! I won't know what you're saying and that would suck...stick to English, I may have heard what you say before, but really...would you mind? And I'm going to say it again, update your fics! Hiatus's are bad...very bad! I don't even remember where yours left off...I'll have to go re-read....Bye :)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sleeping in an Armchair  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Remus sat on the window ledge, looking down by the lake. He watched as someone walked quickly along the shore, quickly pursued by another. After squinting hard he recognized them as James and Sirius.  
  
"Sirius looks upset still," Remus thought to himself as he watched Sirius sit down in the grass. He watched James leave and wondered what was going on between the two. After a few minutes of watching Sirius play fidget and mess with his hair, Remus heard the dormitory door open. He swung his head around and saw James come strolling in.  
  
"What's going on out there? Is Sirius okay?"  
  
James sighed and shook his head. "He's just having a hard time dealing with this. He said he was embarrassed. We're going to go for a fly to take his mind off of it. I know you're probably not up for flying, but you've been sleeping all day. Do you want to come watch?"  
  
Remus shook his head. "I think I'll watch you two from here," he said looking back out the window. "What the...?"  
  
"What is it?" James asked, approaching the window with two brooms in his hands.  
  
"There are people down there with Sirius. They're all in black—shit!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"They just cursed him...I think—I think they're using the cruciatus or something! It looks like he's in pain!"  
  
James looked out the window. "Get down Remus!" he commanded. Remus immediately did as told. James propped open the window as wide as it would go. He began to climb to the outer-ledge and called back to Remus, "Go get Dumbledore!"  
  
Remus nodded and left as quickly as his weak legs would carry him.  
  
James flew silently through the air, his wand pointed straight at one of Sirius's attackers. "Expelliarmus," he whispered. He immediately did the same to the other attacker, catching the wands with ease as they flew to him. The cloaked figures immediately ran away towards the dark forest. James didn't bother to follow them. He flew to the ground beside his friend.  
  
"Are you alright Sirius? What happened?"  
  
James helped Sirius sit up and put an arm around his shaking shoulders.  
  
"I don't know who they were or why they did that," Sirius whispered. "I thought it was you coming back but—they just pointed their wands at me! And I couldn't get mine..."  
  
"Were they using the cruciatus?"  
  
Sirius shook his head. "No, but it was like it. I've been under the cruciatus...this wasn't nearly as bad. What they were doing it was just like...like little shocks of-of energy or something."  
  
"I've never heard of anything like that," James said quietly, rubbing Sirius's tense back muscles. "Remus is getting Dumbledore...they'll be down any minute. He was watching from the window upstairs."  
  
Sirius nodded and rested his tired head on James's shoulder, closing his eyes. He had nearly fallen asleep by the time Remus and Dumbledore arrived.  
  
Remus immediately knelt down in front of Sirius and asked, "Are you okay Sirius?" Sirius's eyes opened and focused on Remus's face. He nodded slowly and closed his eyes again. This time letting his head fall forward. Remus grabbed his shoulders to keep him from falling face first into the grass. He let Sirius rest his forehead against his shoulder and gently rubbed his friend's back in small circles.  
  
Remus then watched James and Professor Dumbledore speak.  
  
"I flew out the window when we saw it, Sir. I disarmed them both before they even knew I was there. Then they just ran into the forest. They were fully cloaked in black, neither Sirius or I know who they were. Sirius says they didn't say a word to him."  
  
"Do you have their wands James?" Dumbledore asked seriously.  
  
James nodded and passed the two wands over. Dumbledore looked them over and then sighed. "These are not Ollivander's wands. Had they been I could have taken them to him and he'd know who he'd sold them to. Yet...this is very odd. As far as I know every student has received his or her wands from Mr. Ollivander." Dumbledore shook his head, realizing he'd been thinking aloud and didn't want to frighten the boys by stating his suspicions.  
  
He cleared his throat and walked over to Sirius. He knelt down beside Remus, facing Sirius. "Mr. Black, I'd like to ask you about the curse that was used on you." Sirius didn't immediately react.  
  
"Sirius," Remus said quietly, squeezing his friend's shoulder.  
  
"I don't know what it was professor," Sirius mumbled without looking up. "It wasn't the cruciatus though."  
  
"Did you hear the incantation?"  
  
Sirius shook his head and leaned further into Remus.  
  
"Can you describe to me how it felt?"  
  
Sirius sighed and said, "It was like these painful shocks going through my body. It gave me that nervous 'butterfly's in the stomach' feeling. It felt like there was something traveling, surging, through my veins...does that make sense?"  
  
"Yes, it sounds like a curse used to control magical creatures. It's a mild form of the cruciatus which is actually legal...though not on fellow human beings. I'll try to find the culprits, Mr. Black, though I believe it will be difficult. If I find the people who did this, you'll be the first to know."  
  
"It was probably Snape," James said firmly.  
  
"I know for a fact it was not Mr. Snape, as he was in my office when Remus alerted me of this incident."  
  
"Oh," James said, his cheeks flushing.  
  
"Would you like to go to the hospital wing Mr. Black?"  
  
Sirius shook his head, "I just want to go to sleep."  
  
"Very well. You boys can help him up to bed?"  
  
The both nodded.  
  
"Alright, have a good evening, and if anything else like this happens in the future let me know immediately. Also, never again stay out on the grounds by yourself. There was a time when it was safe to do so, but apparently that no longer is the case."  
  
They all nodded and watched Dumbledore walk towards the castle.  
  
Sirius just sat where he was, head still resting against Remus's shoulder. Remus lowered his head and whispered, "Come on Sirius, let's get you upstairs."  
  
Remus stood and grabbed hold of Sirius's hands. As he was pulled to his feet, Sirius emitted small groans of pain. Remus, still being weak himself almost fell over after getting Sirius into an upright position.  
  
"Umm...I don't think Dumbledore should have left us here," James said. "Remus, you're still not strong enough so why don't you just walk ahead. I'll help Sirius."  
  
"Alright," Remus replied.  
  
"And here, use my broom as, like, a walking stick."  
  
Remus grabbed hold of the broom and put some of his weight on it. It did help.  
  
James put Sirius's arm around his shoulder and supported his back all the way to the castle until they were in the now deserted common room. James helped lower Sirius onto a couch. Sirius mumbled a thank you and quickly fell into a sound sleep, sitting upright. James lifted his legs onto the couch and pulled his torso down so that he was lying down.  
  
Remus settled into a comfy armchair next to Sirius and watched James care for their friend.  
  
"I'm going to get him his blanket and pillow and then go to bed myself...it's been a long day. You should get back to bed too Rem."  
  
"I've slept enough today. Can you bring down my blanket too? And the book by my bed?"  
  
"Of course," James said smiling at him. Remus watched him leave and waited patiently for him to return. He laughed as James returned carrying two very large bright red comforters down the stairs, careful not to trip on the ends. Remus's book was tucked securely under his chin, and Sirius's pillow clenched under his right arm. James stopped in front of Remus and let the blankets drop. He passed the book to Remus and then picked up one of the soft red comforters. Carefully he draped it over his friend, tucking the edges under his feet and under the cushion so no cold air could get in. "Thanks James," Remus said smiling.  
  
"Anytime," he replied smiling.  
  
James then turned to Sirius. Gently he raised his friends head and slipped the pillow underneath. He then draped the blanket over his friend and tucked it in as he had with Remus.  
  
Yawning, he turned back to Remus and mumbled, "Goodnight Moony, don't stay up too late reading."  
  
"I won't. Hey did Peter ever come back?"  
  
James nodded. "He's already asleep upstairs. I wonder where he was all day?"  
  
Remus shrugged. "Goodnight."  
  
"Night," James said as he headed for the stairs again.  
  
For a couple of hours Remus read. Every now and then Sirius would snore loudly or mumble something in his sleep, but for the most part Remus was completely uninterrupted and fell asleep curled up in the armchair.  
  
Sirius awoke several hours later, completely tangled in his blanket. He struggled against it, but managed to get tangled more. He sighed and looked around at his settings. He was surprised to find himself in the common room and took a second to remember why. Then he saw Remus sleeping peacefully nearby and couldn't help but smile to himself. Remus had forgiven him and helped take care of him last night and that made Sirius very happy.  
  
However, Sirius wasn't feeling well at all and could not free himself from the binds of the blanket, which made him quite unhappy. Sirius didn't like being bound, no matter what he was being bound by. A little gift his mother left him with.  
  
"Remus," he said but Remus didn't move. "Remus!" he said louder but still Remus didn't wake. Sirius again began to struggle frantically against the bond of his comforter. If he hadn't been zapped for several minutes earlier that day he'd have freed himself of the blankets instantly. As he tried hard to kick off the blanket he used to much force and wound up on the floor.  
  
"Owwww," he moaned. However, he was now able to easily free himself of the blanket. He rolled it up and pushed it aside.  
  
"What are you doing?" Remus asked rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Now you wake up," Sirius mumbled, rubbing his now sore behind.  
  
"Are you okay?" Remus asked brushing aside his blanket and standing next to his friend.  
  
"No," Sirius said like a child. "I was stuck in the blanket and I couldn't get out. So basically I fell trying to get out. I tried to wake you up so you could help me but apparently the only thing that wakes you up is my falling on my ass."  
  
Remus laughed quietly.  
  
"It's not funny Moony," Sirius muttered sadly.  
  
"Come here," Remus said and pulled him to his feet. He helped him sit back down and then sat beside him.  
  
"My whole body hurts...and now my ass hurts even more!"  
  
Remus laughed lightly again.  
  
"Not funny..." Sirius said through clenched teeth, but he was smiling as well.  
  
Sirius yawned, "What time is it Moony?"  
  
Remus looked at his watch. "4:30 AM."  
  
"Are you kidding me?"  
  
"I kid you not."  
  
"I'm so tired," he said, laying his head back against the top of the couch.  
  
Remus picked up the pillow and fluffed it before replacing it. He set it back in its place and stood. "Lay down, Sirius," he said gently.  
  
Sirius did as he was told and stretched his form across the couch. Remus picked up the blanket and was about to spread it over Sirius.  
  
"No!" Sirius said sitting back up quickly. Too quickly, he moaned and grabbed his head.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
"I just don't want the blanket on."  
  
Remus looked at him questioningly.  
  
"I don't want to get stuck in it like before...it scares me when I get stuck like that."  
  
"You're going to get cold though..."  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"Fine...are you okay though? You're head and all?"  
  
"It hurts pretty bad. I just feel really sore, like I just went for a 12-K run or something! And my head is throbbing."  
  
"Maybe you should have seen Pomfrey."  
  
"What could she have done?"  
  
"She could have helped you with the pain," Remus said firmly.  
  
"I can bear it," Sirius muttered.  
  
Remus again laughed at him.  
  
Sirius pouted. "Why are you picking on me?"  
  
"Do you really need to ask?"  
  
Sirius rubbed his face roughly, sighing. "Can I have a hug?" he asked quietly  
  
"Of course," Remus said and wrapped his arms around Sirius, who hugged back tightly.  
  
"Could this last week have been any worse Remus?!" he mumbled into Remus's shoulder.  
  
"I doubt it, Sirius. It certainly has not been fun."  
  
Sirius nodded. "I bet if I stop doing stupid things it'll get better."  
  
"Sirius you know it hasn't all been your fault."  
  
"Feels like it."  
  
"I think the hellishness started with me."  
  
"Yes but..."  
  
"No buts Sirius. Lay back down."  
  
Sirius released Remus and did as he was told.  
  
Remus sat back in his chair, pulled the blanket over himself and began to read his book again.  
  
"Why do you think they attacked me Rem?"  
  
Looking up, surprised, Remus thought for a moment and then shook his head.  
  
"Because...like Snape I see why he would want to do that...but if it wasn't him...I don't understand!"  
  
"I was wondering that too...I mean were they out to get you? Or out to get anyone?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "It's scary really."  
  
"Yeah," Remus said nodding.  
  
"I mean someone just attacks you without you even having a clue that it's coming...What if it happens again?"  
  
"It won't if we stick together like Dumbledore told us to."  
  
Sirius nodded and sighed.  
  
"Just go back to sleep, Sirius. We're going to be okay."  
  
"Okay," Sirius said in a small voice. He rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow.  
  
After about ten minutes of silence Sirius lifted his head and said, "Remus?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Remus gave him a small smile and a nod.  
  
Sirius lay back down and attempted to go back to sleep. Once Remus heard his quite snores he put down the book he had been pretending to read and stared at his sleeping friend.  
  
The truth was that Remus was far more worried about Sirius's attack then he let on. He did not think that it was a one time, random occurrence. Someone was after Sirius and no one knew who it was or why they were after him.  
  
Remus sighed and curled up tight under the blankets, eventually falling into an uneasy sleep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"WAKE UP!!!!"  
  
Remus sat straight up in his chair and Sirius again fell right off the couch.  
  
James stood beside him, bent over laughing.  
  
"Bloody arse hole," Sirius muttered.  
  
"Thanks James..." Remus mumbled sarcastically, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  
  
"You should be thankful boys!" James said in an-all-too cheerful voice. "If I hadn't just woken you up you'd have missed breakfast...and you both need to eat! The rest of the tower has already left!"  
  
Remus looked at him curiously; James was never that exuberant in the morning.  
  
"What is your issue this morning James?" Sirius asked, noticing the same thing about his friend.  
  
"What do you mean?" James asked, his mood slightly returning to normal.  
  
"You're acting like you have a cheering charm on or something. You're never like this when you just wake up," Remus stated. "Are you feeling okay?"  
  
"I'm fine guys!"  
  
"James..." Sirius started, looking up at his friend.  
  
"Sirius, I'm fine...lets just drop it and go downstairs. Pete's already down there."  
  
"I don't want to drop it James. What's wrong?"  
  
"Why does me being in a good mood mean there's something wrong?!"  
  
"Because it's fake," Remus mumbled, Sirius nodding along with him.  
  
"You guy's are both nutters," James said and turned to leave.  
  
"Wait," Sirius said. He got up off the couch tenderly and made his way over to his friend. Grabbing his friend by the sleeve, Sirius began to pull James towards the couch. He really couldn't have done anything and James could have gotten away easily if he really wanted to. However, he let Sirius lead him to the couch and sit down.  
  
"Talk," Sirius commanded.  
  
James sighed and rested his head on the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling. "I guess I'm just...kind of scared. And I feel really guilty."  
  
Remus raised his eyebrows at him.  
  
"Why do you feel guilty?"  
  
"Because I left Sirius out there alone last night."  
  
"James!" Sirius exclaimed. "It's not your fault!"  
  
"I know...but if I hadn't left that wouldn't have happened to you."  
  
"That's stupid James...there's nothing you could have done about it. If someone wants to hurt Sirius, they'll find a time and a place to do it," Remus replied.  
  
"Thanks Rem," Sirius said seriously. Remus looked apologetic for a moment but then saw a smirk cross Sirius's face.  
  
"That's what scares me. See...my mum and dad have been talking about this dark lord guy who's starting to gain a lot of support here in England."  
  
"You think that's who attacked me?"  
  
James shook his head. "It was probably his followers. Dad says that they're generally against muggles and muggle borns. All about pure-blood you know...like your family Sirius."  
  
"I don't think my parents are a part of..."  
  
"I know Sirius...but they might be some day. And it's common knowledge that your family isn't that happy with you..."  
  
"What are you trying to say James?" Remus asked, looking at the sad look on his and Sirius's faces.  
  
"He's saying that they might try to get rid of me in order to recruit my family."  
  
James squeezed Sirius's shoulder.  
  
"Do you really think that would work?" Remus asked, shocked.  
  
Sirius shook his head and said in a tight voice, "No...it wouldn't make them support this guy...but it certainly wouldn't hurt."  
  
"Oh man..." Remus mumbled.  
  
"I don't think I'm up for classes today," Sirius muttered sadly.  
  
James nodded.  
  
"I'll stay here with you, Sirius," Remus said. "I probably wouldn't have gone today either actually...I'm not ready to see Snape."  
  
Sirius sighed deeply at that and looked ready to cry.  
  
James squeezed Sirius's shoulder and said, "Well I'll go so Peter's not all alone again. I guess he had a rough day yesterday all by himself."  
  
"Is that why we didn't see him at all?" Remus asked.  
  
James nodded. "I guess he screwed something up badly in potions and had to stay after for like an hour and a half to clean it up. And then he got a detention from McGonagall. He said they were turning a piece of cotton string into wool...he ended up missing the string and turning Mabel Adler's hair into wool. She's that girl with the really long hair, you know? McGonagall and she were royally pissed."  
  
They both couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"Yeah, so he had to clean the trophy room by himself...and we all know how long that takes. But I'll go with him today so he doesn't screw everything up. Want me to grab your assignments as well?"  
  
"Yes, please," Remus said and Sirius nodded.  
  
"Do you guys need anything before I go?"  
  
"No thanks, Prongs," Sirius mumbled resting his head back down on his pillow.  
  
"Rem?"  
  
Remus shook his head.  
  
"Aren't you uncomfortable in that little chair?"  
  
"Not at all," Remus muttered, snuggling in deeper. James laughed at him.  
  
"Okay...I'll ask Dumbledore to send an elf up with some food for you two, sound good?"  
  
"Sounds excellent James...what would we do without you?" Remus said, half sarcastically and half sincerely.  
  
"You'd starve! I'll see you boys later."  
  
"Bye James," they said in unison.  
  
Remus watched Sirius for a few moments, noticing sadness slowly growing on his face.  
  
"Are you okay, Padfoot?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "I just think James might have been right."  
  
Remus got up and sat on the couch beside Sirius.  
  
"What if he's right? And what if my family does join this dark lord guy?"  
  
"We'll be careful...and you won't go anywhere without one of us...with the exception of the lou. They didn't get you yesterday and now that we know they're out there...they'll never get you."  
  
Sirius smiled tightly at that.  
  
"We'll watch out for you Sir."  
  
"What about when I go home?"  
  
"I thought you were going to stay with James now."  
  
"I am...but I have to go home first."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Sirius sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I need to get my things...and then tell them."  
  
"Do you think they'll just let you go?"  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"Sirius," Remus said seriously. "What if they don't let you? What if they try to stop you?"  
  
"Then I'll run," Sirius said firmly.  
  
"I don't think that's a good idea Sirius. I think you should just go to James's house and ask them to send you your things. What do you need that you don't have here anyway?"  
  
"Remus, I'm going home first."  
  
"I don't understand, Sirius."  
  
"You don't need to understand Remus," Sirius snapped.  
  
Remus looked slightly hurt but he tried to hide it.  
  
"Fine," he mumbled and stood up. "I'm going up to my bed."  
  
"Remus..." Sirius began.  
  
"What?" Remus asked quietly.  
  
Sirius didn't respond so Remus picked up his blanket and began slowly walking up the stairs.  
  
Sighing, Sirius reached down and lifted his own blanket from the floor. He draped it over himself, from head to toe. Seeing only a red glow of light Sirius closed his eyes and willed himself to think about anything but his family. This proved to be quite a task and Sirius decided he needed to talk to Remus again.  
  
He threw the blanket off and slowly got off the couch and made his way to the staircase. After about two minutes of slow climbing he reached the sixth year boys dorm, breathing quite heavily.  
  
Looking over at Remus's bed Sirius was surprised to see it empty, the comforter thrown in a pile on top of it. He heard water running in the bathroom. Panic rose in Sirius momentarily, but he knew Remus would not be attempting to kill himself like that again.  
  
He walked to the bathroom and went inside. He was glad to see the bathtub empty and steam coming from one shower stall.  
  
"Remus?" he called tentatively.  
  
"Yeah," Remus called poking his soapy head out from behind the curtain.  
  
Sirius sat on the old stool the boys had once used to stand on when they were too short to see the mirror.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"You don't need to be sorry that I don't understand."  
  
"I know...but I didn't have to be so rude. You're only trying to help....carry on with your shower...I can talk loud."  
  
Remus nodded and pulled his head back behind the curtain.  
  
"Anyway," Sirius continued loudly. "I can't explain why...but I just have to go back. Just once more, you know. For closure or something. To make sure it's really what I want."  
  
"Is there any doubt in your mind?" Remus called.  
  
Sirius shook his head. Then, realizing Remus wasn't watching him yelled, "I don't think so...but I just—I just have to be sure."  
  
"You sound scared, Padfoot," Remus called, a hint of worry in his voice.  
  
"I-I am...but I have to," Sirius mumbled the last part to himself.  
  
He heard the squeak of the faucet as Remus turned the water off. The towel hanging over the shower rod slid away and Remus appeared moments later in a pair of boxers, drying his hair with the towel.  
  
"As long as you know what you're doing Sirius. Just be careful, okay mate?"  
  
Sirius nodded and followed Remus out of the bathroom. "I think I'll be okay, Remus...and if not...."  
  
"And if not...?" Remus questioned, pulling on a pair of sweat pants.  
  
"I don't know," Sirius muttered sitting down on Remus's bed.  
  
"You do realize if you spend more than two days there James will bust down your door right?"  
  
"He better fucking not!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
"Then you better make sure you get out of there quickly. And, do you realize that summer holiday's start in less than three weeks?"  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
"Do you have a plan at all?"  
  
Sirius bit his lip and shook his head.  
  
"Okay, Sirius, I know you're not going home to see if you really want to leave. You KNOW you want to leave. Please tell me why you're being like this?"  
  
"What am I supposed to do? Write a letter home saying, 'Hey I'm not coming home, because you're vicious horrible people and I hate you all?' I don't think that will go over well. And I can't very well just go straight home with James...my parents will be at the station."  
  
"I see your predicament," Remus said, pulling on an old t-shirt.  
  
Sirius sighed and let his body fall over, his head landing on Remus's pillow. Remus sat beside him and rubbed his back gently.  
  
"So you're just going to run away in the middle of the night?"  
  
Sirius nodded. He rolled his head to the side and muttered, "That's all I really can do."  
  
"I'm going to be worried sick about you, you know that right?"  
  
"Yeah," Sirius mumbled. "I'm going to be worried about me too."  
  
"As will James...I wish I could say everything's going to be alright...but I don't know if it will...and that scares me."  
  
Sirius rolled over. "Can we do something? I want my mind off of this subject!"  
  
Remus nodded. "Chess or exploding snap?"  
  
"Chess," Sirius said firmly.  
  
"Okay, let's go back downstairs," he said as cheerfully as he could.  
  
"Alright," Sirius muttered. He tenderly got off the bed and walked down the stairs, holding tightly to the rail as he went.  
  
Remus who was walking behind him couldn't help but remark at the slow speed with which Sirius was traveling. "Are you going to make it Sirius?"  
  
"Yes," he said through gritted teeth. "You'd be walking like this too if you're muscles had been fried last night."  
  
"I know, Sirius, I was just making sure you were alright. Calm down." "I'm sorry," Sirius mumbled like a little boy.  
  
They finally made it downstairs where they were met with a house elf carrying a very large tray of breakfast foods. They set it at a table near the fire where they ate and played chess for quite a while.  
  
Around noon their game was ended by a visit from Professor Dumbledore.  
  
"Good afternoon boys," he said as he entered the common room.  
  
"Hello, professor," they both said hesitantly. They could tell by the look on his face that they didn't have good news.  
  
He took a haggard breath and said, "I have found the culprits behind the attack upon you, Mr. Black."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The end of chapter 8 :) I'm happy with how this chapter came out...even though nothing really happened, lol....Anyway, next chapter will be along as soon as it can be, I promise you that....  
  
Also, I'm sorry if this chapter is a little confusing at parts. I realized I contradicted the story a bit and went back to fix it. I've read it over several times to get the kinks out, but I don' t know if everything is going the way it is in my head. So if it makes no sense at points let me know so I can fix it! Thanks!  
  
Reviews are both welcomed and appreciated...please remember that! 


	9. A Glass of Water

Here we are...chapter 9!!! I'm still not getting the number of reviews that I would like to see...but I guess I've gotten over that. I'm really happy with the reviews I do get though. You reviewers are oh so nice to me :)  
  
Siri Lupin: You only reviewed the first chapter but I hope you liked the rest too :) Sirius and Remus are my favorites too...I honestly don't think the HP series would even be good without their presence...ok so that's not true because I liked the first two books and with the exception of one mention of Sirius, they're not in those...anyway, yah I'm SOO mad at JKR for killing of Sirius, I guess she thought it was necessary, I think it was just cruel! I hope you like the rest of this!!!  
  
Stuffyzebra: Oh NO! Not a stuffed weasel! LOL cliffhangers are fun, and they get me more reviews...that's why I write them. But here we have it, the cliffy resolved! Enjoy :)  
  
Sexy Black: I was actually trying to have people think it was Peter, since he was missing...I like to make people think things and then turn in the other direction...it's really quite amusing :) And just an FYI, if I do redo INOSH, as you called it, lol, I will take out some of the crying scenes. There will still be ample crying, cuz I can't live without it, but in some scenes it's really just too much, like the reunion with Sorai...it's just bad. But I think I really want to redo it :)  
  
Hp-Azn: Thanks for the review...and do you think I'd actually tell you who attacked Sirius??? Gotta keep reading! You'll find out in a matter of seconds *wink*  
  
StarlessNight18: Thanks for reviewing! Sirius's attackers will soon be revealed :)  
  
Eizoku: Is "Oh!" good or bad? I just can't even tell, lol. But I appreciate the time you took to write that Oh, it made me smile whether it's good or bad :)  
  
Jemma Blackwell: Yup, it was a cliffie, and I pretty good one I thought, though I can do better I swear! Yup, Sirius is kind of weird in going back, I'm trying to portray it that way, but it's supposed to be something he feels the need to do, you know. So this chapter goes into that a bit too...and you'll see what happens :)  
  
And an extra special review to Katie who helped look over this before I posted!!!! I appreciate it mucho and am looking forward to you updating yours...I'll never stop saying that until you update ALL of them...multiple times *wink*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A Glass of Water  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I have found the culprits behind the attack on you, Mr. Black."  
  
Sirius swallowed hard. Remus looked between Sirius and Dumbledore several times before settling his gaze on Dumbledore.  
  
"Who did it?"  
  
"Are you sure you want to know?"  
  
"Of course," Sirius mumbled. "Were they students?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How did you find them?"  
  
"They got lost in the woods after Mr. Potter disarmed them. Hagrid found them several hours ago when he was going to meet with a centaur. He brought them straight to me."  
  
"Did you expel them?"  
  
"Did I expel you?"  
  
Sirius looked down, biting his lip both in anger and worry.  
  
"Who was it, Professor?" Remus asked, tired of the twenty questions.  
  
"Mr. Black's attacker...ironically was Mr. Black."  
  
"What?" Sirius asked and thought for a moment. "Regulus did it?!"  
  
"Yes, he and another Slytherin of his year, Mr. Lestrange, were behind it. I assume you know him?"  
  
Sirius nodded, appearing quite shocked. "I can't believe this."  
  
"Professor," Remus asked quietly, "What about those wands."  
  
Dumbledore sighed, "Yes, I got that bit of information about them. You've both heard of a rising Dark wizard?"  
  
They both nodded, Sirius's expression darkening even more.  
  
"He's going by the name Lord Voldemort, though his real name is Tom Riddle. He was a student here at Hogwarts from years back. An excellent student who couldn't find a proper direction for his magic. He provided them with the wands."  
  
"That means..." Sirius trailed off.  
  
"They're joining him?" Remus finished.  
  
"Indeed," Dumbledore replied gravely.  
  
"And you didn't expel them?! They're going to spread this through the school!"  
  
"I assure you they're under close supervision. Their punishments have been more severe than yours and one more wrong move and they will be gone. There is not much they can do here without me or one of the professors finding out. I assure you, Mr. Black, it will be alright."  
  
"You don't know my brother, sir. If he's in it he's in it...there's no turning back."  
  
"I'm sorry Sirius, but I can not punish one student one way and another student another. What he's done to you is no different than what you've done to Remus."  
  
"It is different," he muttered.  
  
"And how's that?"  
  
"Because! I'm sorry for what I did! He's not and he never will be sorry! You said that you didn't expel me because you thought I was better than what I did. Do you really think he's better than this?!"  
  
"I think he has the potential to be, yes!"  
  
"Well I don't!"  
  
"I'm sorry but you are not the headmaster Sirius."  
  
"I'm sorry too!" he yelled.  
  
Dumbledore looked to Remus. "Mr. Lupin, how are you feeling?"  
  
Sirius kicked a nearby pillow.  
  
"I'm fine, thanks," Remus said, flatly. He was not so impressed with Dumbledore's decision either. He stood and walked Dumbledore to the door as Sirius continued to harass the pillow.  
  
Before Dumbledore left he said, "Watch out for him Mr. Lupin, make sure he doesn't make any more rash decisions, especially on the matter of his brother."  
  
"I'll try sir," Remus said in a hushed voice. "But are you sure you made the right decision?"  
  
"If I weren't, Mr. Black and Mr. Lestrange would be on their way home. I assure you, I know what I'm doing."  
  
Remus sighed and nodded.  
  
"If you two need it you'll be excused from classes again tomorrow, however, I'd like to see you both attempt to attend."  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Good bye, Mr. Lupin."  
  
"Bye Professor."  
  
Remus stood next to the portrait hole for a moment before he looked back at Sirius. The pillow was now by his feet, stuffing spilling out of its seams. Sirius had his head down, resting in his arms upon the table.  
  
"You alright Sirius?"  
  
"This is bad Remus....this is really bad," he muttered, not lifting his head.  
  
"I'm sure Dumbledore knows what he's doing, mate."  
  
Sirius just shook his head ever so slightly. "What about when I go home."  
  
"Sirius I still think you should just not go home. I bet James parents can work out a way to pick you up in Hogsmeade or something."  
  
"No they can't!" Sirius nearly yelled, his head still down.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because Remus! I don't want them to know what my parents have done! They'll kill me if they find out I've told."  
  
"Can you at least look at me?" Remus pleaded.  
  
Sirius violently lifted his head. His eyes held a fury Remus had never seen in them before.  
  
"You could tell them, Sirius. You could tell them that they can't make a big deal about it, but just tell them! It will help Sirius!"  
  
"NO IT WON'T!!!" he roared, standing up. Remus unconsciously took several steps back. Sirius slammed his head back down to the table as he resumed his seat.  
  
"Sirius," Remus said in a small voice a few minutes later, trying to be brave and not just drop the issue. "I just don't want to see you get hurt. And I know that by going home...you will."  
  
Sirius looked up again. His eyes were red and watery, "That's what you don't seem to understand, Remus...I'm going to get hurt either way." He wiped his eyes roughly. "It won't help to tell them Moony, it'll just make the hurt worse."  
  
"Okay," Remus mumbled and reached out a hand to Sirius, who grabbed it willingly. Remus pulled him to his feet and led him over to the couch. "Sit," he commanded. Sirius did as told and Remus sat beside him.  
  
"Hey Rem?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You think I'm being stupid by going home first don't you?"  
  
"Yes, I do. But I trust that you know what you're doing."  
  
Sirius sighed and let himself fall to the side, curling up on the couch, using Remus's left leg as a pillow.  
  
"I wish I could make you understand. But...James parents can't know about the thing with...Jack. They can't. And I don't want them to know about this thing with Regulus either. If they find out they're likely to say something to Dumbledore...what if they pulled James from school?!"  
  
"They wouldn't do that," Remus said, pulling a few strands of hair out of Sirius's eyes.  
  
"I don't know...I just know they can't know!"  
  
Remus smiled sadly.  
  
"I really do wish I could go straight there...but it just couldn't happen."  
  
"I know, I know."  
  
"Gah!" Sirius exclaimed, punching the side of the couch.  
  
Remus ran his hand over Sirius's hair repeatedly. It seemed to help as he literally felt the tension slowly leave his friends neck and shoulders. Sirius played with a loose thread on Remus's sweats and stared off into space.  
  
"Thanks Remus," he mumbled quietly. Remus didn't say a word, just continued running his hand over Sirius's hair. Minutes later Sirius was quietly snoring, his head still resting on Remus's knee.  
  
Remus summoned his book from across the room and began to read. Fifteen minutes later the portrait opened and in came James, seemingly out of breath. He walked straight towards Remus and dragged a chair up beside him.  
  
"How's it going?" he asked curiously.  
  
Remus marked the page in his book and put it down.  
  
"Not so good...Dumbledore found out who did it."  
  
"Really?!" James asked.  
  
Remus nodded and sighed. "Regulus and that Lestrange kid."  
  
"NO!" James said, almost disbelievingly.  
  
"Yes," James replied.  
  
"Thank God he isn't going home this summer...poor kid."  
  
Remus shifted uncomfortably. "Actually...he is going home."  
  
"No he's going to my house...what are you talking about."  
  
"I should let him tell you this. I don't really understand it all."  
  
"No, I want to know why he isn't coming to my house all of a sudden!"  
  
"He still plans on going to your house. But he says he has to go home first."  
  
"What? That's stupid."  
  
"That's what I said. He actually has really good reason's behind it," Remus said, shaking his head. "And don't try to tell him otherwise. I tried and for a second I thought he was going to kill me."  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
Remus nodded. "I finally got him to calm down and now...here he is."  
  
James shook his head sadly.  
  
"How were classes?"  
  
"Alright, Binns was almost more boring than usual...if that's possible. Defense...we have a paper due next week on the killing curse...such a happy subject...that's about it."  
  
"Where's Peter? Or do I even want to know."  
  
"Have you looked at the time Rem?"  
  
Remus looked at his watch. There was still an hour of classes. "Why are you back?"  
  
"Divination was cancelled...and since Peter's taking arithmancy instead, he's still in class. Why he took that I'll never understand."  
  
"Me neither."  
  
"Anyway, it's gorgeous out so most of the school will probably be outside all afternoon. I was planning on attempting to take him flying again. Think he's up for it?"  
  
"He seemed pretty out of it physically earlier, but when he flipped out at me, he seemed fine. I guess we'll see when he wakes up."  
  
James nodded.  
  
"So did Dumbledore expel Regulus and his friend?"  
  
Remus just shook his head.  
  
"Are you kidding me?"  
  
"No, Sirius was pissed, to say the least. The kid admitted he was working for that dark lord!"  
  
"No...Sirius can NOT go home."  
  
"Again, I tell you he's firmly set in going home."  
  
"I'll talk him out of it."  
  
"Sure you will," Remus said sarcastically.  
  
"Anyway, why the Hell didn't Dumbledore expel them?!"  
  
"He said it was the same thing as Sirius did to me and Snape...and it is."  
  
Sirius shot up and looked at Remus, a hurt expression spreading over his face. "You think it's the same thing?!"  
  
"Shit! God Sirius, NO! First off, why do you feel the need to pretend you're asleep?"  
  
"Because I didn't want you guys to feel bad for waking me up."  
  
"We wouldn't have felt bad," James quipped. Sirius glared daggers at him.  
  
"Secondly, you didn't let me finish. I was going to say it is the same thing...but it's also different. Because like you said, you're sorry, he's not."  
  
Sirius's cheeks turned slightly pink as he mumbled an apology. He wiped the sleep out of his eyes and looked at James, who was looking at him quite pointedly.  
  
"What?" Sirius asked.  
  
"You know what? Why aren't you coming over right away?"  
  
Sirius sighed and leaned back hard. He tried to explain it to James just as he had to Remus.  
  
"I don't like this Sirius. I'm going to talk to my parents."  
  
"NO!" Sirius exclaimed. "What the Hell?! I NEED to go home! And your parents CAN'T know!"  
  
"Sirius. What if you can't get away?"  
  
"If I'm not there in a couple of days tell your parents to call the ministry. But that's only as a last resort. I think I can take care of myself!"  
  
"I don't think you can!" James yelled.  
  
Sirius looked outraged. He stood and walked as fast as he could to the stairs.  
  
"James!" Remus exclaimed. "Why did you have to say that?"  
  
"Because he can't! Not against his parents."  
  
Remus shook his head and followed after Sirius. He turned the corner to head up the stairs and then stopped dead. Sirius was sitting on the third step, appearing to be highly pissed off.  
  
"What are you doing?" Remus whispered.  
  
"It hurt too much to go any further."  
  
"So you aren't feeling any better?"  
  
Sirius shook his head.  
  
"I can take care of myself Remus!" he muttered.  
  
"I know you can, mate," Remus replied.  
  
"And I do too...I'm sorry Sirius...I just don't want you to take this risk," James muttered.  
  
Sirius looked up into James's face and saw the sincerity. "I know...I don't want to either but I have to. And I know you don't understand why and I know Remus doesn't understand why...but just trust me, okay?"  
  
James nodded.  
  
"Thank you!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
"I'm going to be worrying about you like mad though!"  
  
"Remus informed me you'd be...and himself as well. I'm scared too...but I'll make it out alive. I promise."  
  
"You better mate!" James exclaimed.  
  
Sirius smiled at him and then turned to Remus. "I am SO sick of this common room! How about you?"  
  
"Pretty much...we've been in here all day and all night."  
  
"I wish I could get out of here...but there is no way I'm letting you guys carry me through the school."  
  
"Who said we would?" Remus asked cheekily.  
  
Sirius swatted at Remus's head, missing as Remus ducked out of the way.  
  
"Well why don't we get out of the stair well," James said, helping Sirius to his feet. "Exploding Snap anyone?"  
  
Remus shrugged and Sirius nodded. They settled on the floor in a circle and began to play. They were joined a while later by Peter. They filled him in on the day's happenings; he too was shocked by the situation.  
  
"So James told us about your day yesterday," Sirius said cheekily to Peter.  
  
Peter flushed. "It was not a good day at all!"  
  
"Did you really turn that girl's hair to wool?"  
  
Peter nodded, staring down at the floor. "She kicked me for it today too. It's back to normal I don't see why she has to dwell on it!"  
  
"What was her name? Mabel Adler?" Remus asked.  
  
"That's the one," Peter mumbled.  
  
"I never liked that girl," Sirius stated thoughtfully.  
  
"Why's that?" James asked.  
  
"I don't really know..." Sirius said with a shrug. "I guess this reinforces my dislike though. She knows it was an accident!"  
  
"Yeah, and I apologized a lot!" Peter said, excited to be getting the support from Sirius.  
  
Sirius shook his head as if Mabel's anger was completely unjustified.  
  
Remus and James exchanged looks and then laughed.  
  
"What?" Sirius asked, confused.  
  
"Nothing, Padfoot," James replied, smiling.  
  
Sirius mock glared at him and then sighed. "I'm hungry. Rem and I didn't have lunch. Dumbledore only sent a house elf up with breakfast!"  
  
"Really?" James asked. "I asked him to send one with each meal."  
  
"I think it's punishment," Remus said.  
  
"Why?" James asked.  
  
"Because I yelled at him," Sirius said, sighing.  
  
"Well, Pete and I will go raid the kitchens and we'll all eat up here. Alright?"  
  
They all nodded.  
  
The rest of the night was a peaceful affair. They all went to bed fairly early and the next day Remus and Sirius were both feeling well enough to return to classes. Remus was a little nervous about seeing Snape again, but luckily they both wanted to stay as far from each other as possible. There were no further confrontations between the two.  
  
Remus hoped it would last. He did not want to lay eyes on Severus Snape ever again. He had suffered too much due to Snape's mere existence. Remus knew that the feeling went both ways, however, and had to beg the other boys not to prank him further. He just wanted to forget that Snape even existed.  
  
The rest of the year flew by at a record speed and things had returned to normal for the marauders. It seemed that pain and agony had taken a leave of absence from the lives of the four.  
  
However, as the very last day of school approached, tension again rose. Sirius was walking around like a loose canon. He would run into a first or second year and nearly bite their heads off, when he and the others knew it was his own fault for not looking where he was going. He was even short tempered with his friends, especially Peter.  
  
It was the night before they were scheduled to leave and Sirius was literally freaking out. A third year had walked past him with a glass full of water and somehow managed to spill it all over Sirius.  
  
Jumping to his feet Sirius pulled the younger boy by his collar and pushed him up against the wall. "What the HELL did you do that for?!"  
  
"It-it was a-an an accident! I'm sorry!"  
  
"Does sorry dry my fucking pants?!" Sirius roared, pushing the kid harder against the wall. The boy looked ready to either cry or pee his pants.  
  
"Sirius leave him alone!" James called.  
  
"He didn't mean to do it!" Remus added. Sirius held the boy in place, however, glaring daggers at him.  
  
"Sirius!" Remus yelled. "You need to stop this shit!" He pulled Sirius away from the boy who ran away immediately.  
  
"Why don't you go take a bath Remus!" Sirius yelled. Remus's face contorted in anger and hurt.  
  
"Clear out everyone!" Remus yelled in a voice that allowed no room for disagreement. Every person except James and Sirius obeyed his orders.  
  
"You did NOT mean that!"  
  
Sirius looked down. "No, I didn't. Sorry."  
  
"I know you're scared, Sirius. But you can't take it out on innocent people! The kid spilled water on you! It's not like it was dragon's blood or something!"  
  
"I..."  
  
"No, Sirius. We're all a little scared right now, but it's no excuse to act like a fucking troll!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"No! You can't get yourself out of this by excuses! We know you're dealing with a lot of shit right now but nobody else does. They just think you're being an ass hole! You scared the SHIT out of that kid and it was completely unnecessary!"  
  
Sirius stared at Remus with his jaw set.  
  
"You were almost ready to beat that kid to a bloody pulp! Do you even realize that you let yourself get like that?!"  
  
Sirius bit his lip and looked at Remus for a moment. Abruptly he turned on his heel and headed for the stairs.  
  
"Stop!" Remus called, surprised when Sirius actually listened. At the foot of the stairs Sirius froze. He didn't turn back but he didn't leave. "You can't just run away," Remus said in a much calmer voice. Slowly, Sirius lowered himself to the ground. Pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his face in his knees. Remus looked back to James who was still rather shocked by Sirius's outburst. Waving his hand for James to follow, Remus walked up to Sirius who was now slowly rocking himself back and forth. He put his hand over the back of Sirius's neck and sat beside him, cross-legged. James sat on the other side of Sirius.  
  
"Look at me, Sirius," Remus commanded.  
  
Very slowly Sirius lifted his head. His blue eyes held so much sadness and fear in them and Remus's heart went out for him.  
  
"I don't want tomorrow to come," Sirius muttered, staring helplessly at Remus.  
  
"I know...but is yelling at the younger kids going to change that? Is saying cruel things to me going to change it?"  
  
Sirius shook his head, "I'm sorry about all that...it's just when I get angry, it takes away from the fear."  
  
Remus nodded. "Well you're creating a whole lot of fear in those younger kids. You need to stop that. If I catch you yelling at one more kid..."  
  
"I won't. I'm sorry."  
  
James shook his head. "Why are you doing this to yourself Sirius?"  
  
Remus gave James a warning look. The past few weeks they hadn't talked again about Sirius's seemingly irrational decision.  
  
"I have to. I wish you guys would stop questioning my judgment on this! You don't understand what could happen...and I don't want you to find out."  
  
With one look back at Remus, James dropped the subject.  
  
"Sirius, I think we should all go to bed."  
  
"The sooner we go the sooner tomorrow will come," Sirius muttered in a dry voice.  
  
"Yes and the sooner you can get through this. You can't dwell on this so much. Just let it happen," Remus said wisely.  
  
Sirius sighed and allowed Remus to pull him to his feet. He followed Remus up stairs and James went up behind him. They all got ready for bed in relative silence.  
  
Sirius and James got into their beds and attempted sleep, while Remus went back down the stairs.  
  
He found the door to the third year dormitory and knocked. The door was opened by a young boy Remus recognized as Benny Greenwood.  
  
"What do you want?" Benny asked, emphasizing the word you.  
  
"I want to talk to that kid that my friend accosted."  
  
"Well I don't think he wants to see you," the boy said bravely.  
  
Remus looked at him piercingly and he cowered.  
  
"Jonathan!" he called and ran to his own bed. The boy, Jonathan, approached Remus with a terrified expression on his face.  
  
"Hey, don't worry. I came to apologize for Sirius's behavior."  
  
Jonathan nodded and walked a little closer.  
  
"See, Sirius is going through a hard thing right now, and he's not himself. You don't need to be afraid of him or any of the rest of us, alright?"  
  
Again he nodded.  
  
"You should just try to forget about it. He won't do anything like that again."  
  
"Are-are you sure?"  
  
Remus smiled, "Yeah, he's harmless, trust me."  
  
"Okay," the boy replied.  
  
"Goodnight then," Remus said, with a short wave.  
  
The boy just nodded and Remus left.  
  
When he returned to his room James was already fast asleep. Sirius, however, was not.  
  
"Still up, mate?"  
  
Sirius nodded and sat up. "Where were you?"  
  
"I went to see if that kid you attacked was alright."  
  
Sirius looked down, "Is he alright?"  
  
"Yeah...but he was pretty much terrified."  
  
"I should apologize."  
  
"No need, I told him you were sorry and he seemed to accept it. You just go to sleep."  
  
"I can't sleep Rem!"  
  
"Why not, if you sleep you don't have to think about tomorrow."  
  
"But I can't stop thinking about tomorrow! That's why I can't sleep."  
  
Remus sat beside him. "Lay back down."  
  
Sirius obeyed and Remus pulled the covers up over him.  
  
"In your head count backwards from 100."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Just do it...slowly, and close your eyes."  
  
"Fine," Sirius whispered and closed his eyes. He felt Remus's hand on his head, gently stroking his hair. There was something about the gesture that was so calming for Sirius, he didn't get past seventy-five before he was sound asleep.  
  
Remus smiled to himself as he saw Sirius's breath even out. He closed the curtains to Sirius's bed and then crawled into his own bed. He too was asleep in no time.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Wake up boys! It's time to get ready. Train arrives in one hour!" James yelled at the top of his lungs. Remus groaned and sat up in bed. He looked right and saw Sirius pull back his curtains; he looked positively miserable. They all got ready in silence and packed up their things as quickly as possible until the entire room was bare.  
  
Together they made their way down to the carriages which would bring them to the train station. Everyone noticed as Sirius turned around in his seat and watched Hogwarts disappear from view. Remus put his hand on his shoulder as the building disappeared completely.  
  
Sirius sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the seat. The others fell into an awkward silence which lasted long after they boarded the train.  
  
About ten minutes from Kings Cross Station, Sirius spoke, "Almost there."  
  
"Yup," James replied. "Are you still going to go through with this?"  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
"If you're not at my house in three days, Tuesday night, I'm telling my parents everything and they'll call the ministry. Right?"  
  
"Yeah. I'll try to get there by tomorrow night though."  
  
They fell back into silence until the train stopped. They all stood up and began to say their goodbyes. Sirius first gave Peter a friendly tap on the back. He then hugged James and finally Remus.  
  
As he was about to pull away, Remus whispered, "Please take care of yourself."  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
They dragged their trunks down the corridor of the train and exited. They platform was crowded as ever. Remus was the first to spot his family. He waved to the boys and took off. Peter soon followed.  
  
Sirius saw Regulus walk past him and looked in the general direction he was heading. He saw his mother and father standing there.  
  
"Three days," James whispered. Sirius nodded and waved.  
  
James sighed and walked deeper into the crowd until he spotted his own parents. As his parents walked with him towards the exit James looked back. He saw Sirius's mother with her arm over Regulus's shoulder, Sirius walking behind the two dragging along two trunks, his and his brothers. James shook his head sadly and left with his parents.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And that's all for now! It shouldn't be too long until chapter 10 is up. Chapter 10 could very well by the last chapter. If it is not, it'll be second to last.  
  
If you review I'll love you forever!!! 


	10. Eating Chicken with a Spoon

I got a lot more reviews than usual for this chapter...Thanks! I enjoyed writing this chapter and hope you all like it!  
  
Also I'm sorry for the weird lines that may or may not appear in this chapter...I tried but I couldn't get rid of them.  
  
StarlessNight18: Thanks for reviewing! When a Home isn't a Home is kind of cancelled. I make no guarantees of ever adding to it, but there's a chance. I'm more likely to finish my other half done fic, which I'm most likely updating after I finish this one. But who knows. I'll try to add to that one for ya :)  
  
Unregistered Person: At the beginning of your review I thought "Oh no, this person hates this fic...an egg fic can't be a good thing." But I found out that it was! I guess I like egg fics too, lol. It is a lot of fun to read stuff the way it would never really be...kind of what fanfiction is for, isn't it?  
  
SiriLupin: Yah, Sirius does have a hard time, but would we have fun reading about him if he didn't? I don't think I would, lol. I'm glad you like the fic so far :)  
  
HP-Azn: Here's more, lol. Thanks for writing!  
  
Jemma Blackwell: Yup, three days is a long time. I don't know why I made it that long, it just seemed like things would get desperate by that time, but not too desperate...does that make sense? I don't really know, lol. And I kind of have him asking for punishment but not really. It's kind of like he feels there is no alternative, I tried to convey that but I know it's not that clear.  
  
SexyBlack: I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I though that Regulus and Lestrange being the attackers was kind of a twist, but not an out there kind of twist. Hope it was a good choice! Enjoy chapter 10!  
  
Katie: So you like the chapter titles huh? They kill me to make, lol. I always pick something in the story that doesn't give anything about the chapter away. It's really not very easy! And I guess that's all you really have to look forward to since you've already read this chapter. Thanks so much for pointing it out my stupid mistakes!  
  
Eizoku: So my story has made you laugh and cry? I'm glad you liked it! Isn't Remus a sweetheart, always there for his buddy...you'll get more of that here...  
  
Willow Ann Rover: Thanks so much :) Your review made me smile! I am proud of myself, although I think I could have done better. The whole story was much better in my head, lol. Enjoy the update!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Eating Chicken with a Spoon  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Not a word was spoken to Sirius the entire way back to Grimmauld Place. He dragged his trunk to his room and stayed there all day. He would have preferred to stay all night as well, but he was forced to eat dinner with the family.  
  
The Black's were the kind of family where you had to 'dress' for dinner. Sirius threw on his plainest pair of dress robes and joined his family in the dining room.  
  
"So...Sirius," his mother started in a frighteningly calm voice. "What have you done to disgrace us this year?"  
  
Sirius finished chewing the bit of food in his mouth and swallowed before answering. "I've done nothing to disgrace you. You all choose to disgrace yourselves."  
  
His mother glared. "How dare you?! You are my son and you had better start acting like a Black!"  
  
"I'll never meet your definition of a Black! I'd rather die!"  
  
"That can be arranged dear brother," Regulus declared, bits of food flying from his mouth.  
  
With a look of disgust, Sirius retorted, "I believe it already was...wasn't it Reg."  
  
Regulus glared and returned to his food.  
  
"You have one year left at Hogwarts, you little brat, one year to become what you are meant to become. And if you don't meet our standards, the consequences will be dark."  
  
"Everything in this family is dark! I don't want to be in this family and I will NEVER meet your standards," Sirius yelled.  
  
"You will not raise your voice to us!" Mr. Black roared. Sirius turned to his father, a look of pure hatred on his face.  
  
"You will try!" Mrs. Black said in a deadly calm voice.  
  
Sirius just shook his head, biting his tongue and sitting on his hands to stop himself from doing anything rash.  
  
Once everyone returned to their food Sirius began to eat as well. However, the fork he was holding soon flew out of his mouth and into his mother's hand. "Go to your room Sirius."  
  
"No, I'm eating," Sirius muttered and began trying to eat his chicken with a spoon.  
  
"Not anymore," she said summoning his spoon as well. Sirius growled and pushed back his chair, storming from the dining room to his bedroom.  
  
Once there he threw himself on his bed and sighed deeply. He then sat up quickly and looked around his room. Scanning it over quickly he mentally picked out the things he wanted to bring with him.  
  
He then opened his trunk and began throwing some old toys and knick knacks on top of all his school supplies. He even stuffed his pillow into the trunk and then sat on top of it. Tonight he was going to go to the Potter's, he thought with a smile on his face.  
  
"What are you smirking at?"  
  
Sirius looked up and saw his mothers frame in the doorway. He glared and said, "Nothing."  
  
"It looks like you're going on a little trip, Sirius," she quipped. "And where do you think you're going."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere."  
  
"Oh yes you are...Sirius you're easier to read than a book. Think you're going to those horrid Potter's don't you? Well I will not stand for that. No son of mine is going to live with such blood traitor's."  
  
"I'm not going there," Sirius said quietly.  
  
"You're right, you're not."  
  
She pulled her wand out so fast Sirius couldn't even react. In seconds he found his arms bound together over his head, and his feet were off the floor. Sirius was hanging in the same manner that his dear friend Jack was all those years ago.  
  
It was all Sirius could do not to lose his mind in fear. He knew that his mother would not do to him what he did to Jack, but he was terrified nonetheless.  
  
"You're not going anywhere," Mrs. Black sneered and left the room, slamming Sirius's door behind her.  
  
Sirius felt helpless tears well in his eyes as he hung there. His arms were already tired of holding all his weight. He didn't know what to do. For a while he just hung his head and cried. As he heard the grandfather clock downstairs chime 9:00, however, he knew something had to be done.  
  
Mustering all of his strength, Sirius pulled his body up so that his mouth was level with the knot. He began gnawing at the knot, trying his hardest to untie it. He managed to loosen it slightly, but lost his arm strength. As he slipped lower one of his hands freed itself. However, like a noose, the rope tightened around his other wrist and he heard it snap painfully. Sirius was now tied to the ceiling by a broken arm.  
  
He swung his good arm back up and held the rope so the pressure was off the injured one. Again he began gnawing on the rope until it was loosened. Freeing his hand, Sirius let himself fall to the floor, as silently as he could. He fell hard on his right knee, he knew he hadn't broken it, but it hurt like Hell.  
  
Sirius slowly made his way to the hallway and peered out. He saw that the door to his parent's bedroom was shut and that the light was off. Looking down the hall in the other direction, he saw that his brother's door was also closed, though the light was on. Now the only thing that stood between Sirius and freedom was a particularly evil house elf.  
  
He lifted his trunk with his good, albeit tired, arm. Dragging the trunk as quietly as he could, Sirius made his way to the fireplace in the kitchen. He threw in a handful of floo powder and stepped inside.  
  
"Potter Place!" he called out. However, nothing happened.  
  
"What the fuck?" he mumbled to himself.  
  
Sirius jumped back out of the fireplace before the flames turned back to real fire and examined the fireplace. He took another handful and tried again, but nothing happened.  
  
"'No son of mine is going to live with such blood traitors,' Kreacher's mistress says."  
  
Turning around sharply Sirius looked down to find Kreacher staring up at him.  
  
"Your mistress doesn't have much of a say in that, you little monster."  
  
"Master Sirius is wrong. Kreacher knows that his mistress has blocked the fire place from going to the nasty blood traitors. Master Sirius can not go there!"  
  
"She blocked the fireplace...well then it's a good thing I have more than one friend." Sirius whipped out his wand and stunned the house elf. He threw more powder into the fireplace and called, "Lupin Cottage!"  
  
This time he felt himself spinning and a feeling of relief spread over him like a warm blanket.  
  
Abruptly, he stopped spinning and fell out of the fireplace, landing hard on his bad arm and banging his knee on his trunk. By this time the pain was so much that he was ready to black out. He felt a pair of arms pulling him into a sitting position, and then all went black.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Sirius....Sirius....wake up mate..." Sirius heard bits and pieces of these words as he fought to gain consciousness. He felt something wet on his forehead and a hand covering his own.  
  
"Come on mate, wake up!"  
  
Sirius slowly tried to open his eyes. When he finally cracked them open enough he found himself staring into the worried eyes of Remus Lupin. He found himself lying on a comfortable couch. The wetness on his forehead came from a damp towel resting there.  
  
"Are you okay?!" Remus asked urgently, squeezing his friend's hand.  
  
Sirius swallowed hard and shook his head. Tears began to well and slowly drip down his face. Remus wiped them away and pulled Sirius to him. Sirius hissed in pain as Remus squeezed his broken arm.  
  
Remus pulled back and gently lifted Sirius's arm. It was hanging at an odd angle. He let it back down gently and stood up. "I'm going to go get my mum."  
  
"Don't tell her anything, Remus...please!" Sirius begged.  
  
"I won't...but she's going to ask you." Remus got up and left the room. Sirius tried to dry his tears. He did not want Remus's mother to see him crying like a baby.  
  
A few minutes went by and Remus and his mother, wearing a bathrobe and slippers, emerged.  
  
"Mum, this is Sirius," Remus said. "I think his arm's broken. Are you hurt anywhere else?"  
  
Sirius nodded, "I did something to my knee...I don't think it's broken though."  
  
She nodded. "This is going to take a while, Sirius. I'm not the best at fixing broken bones so I take my time."  
  
"I'm going to go owl James and tell him you're alri—here," Remus said. Sirius nodded and watched his friend go.  
  
"How did this happen?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"And why's that?" she asked.  
  
Sirius looked up at her with sad eyes as she gently prodded his arm with her wand. "It's personal. Please don't ask questions," he asked desperately.  
  
She looked at him gravely. "Are you in danger of this happening again?"  
  
He nodded. "And it will only get worse if it gets out!"  
  
"What did you do to get yourself into such trouble?"  
  
"I was born and grew up to become a good person."  
  
"You're Sirius Black, correct?"  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
"You come from a dark family?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
"Yes, but I'm not like them I swear! That's why they did this to me!" Sirius said desperately, afraid she wouldn't want Remus to be his friend any longer.  
  
"Ah-ha, so your parents did this."  
  
Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but said nothing. He had just been outsmarted by Remus's mum.  
  
"Mrs. Lupin, please don't tell the ministry. If my parents find out that I've told anything they've done...they wouldn't hesitate to kill me. Please, I'm never going back there...no one has to know about this!"  
  
"Calm down dear, my lips are sealed."  
  
"Thank you," Sirius mumbled.  
  
Silence fell upon them as Mrs. Lupin focused on fixing up his arm. Remus came back in after a few minutes and sat beside his mother, watching her work. Every time Sirius winced in pain, he involuntarily did the same. His mother caught him do it several times and smiled at him.  
  
"Done," she declared a short while later. "It's going to be tender for a few days. We have some powerful pain potion I can give you. Just be careful when you use that arm."  
  
"Thank you," Sirius muttered.  
  
"Now about that knee?"  
  
Sirius sat up a little higher and pulled up the leg of his khakis. His knee was covered in a nasty bruise and looked quite swollen.  
  
"Can you bend it?"  
  
Sirius moved it gently up and down. "Looks like it's just a sprain. I can fix that quickly." She set to work on that and was done in a matter of seconds.  
  
"Honey, you take Sirius up to your room, okay? I think you both need some rest. I'll be up with some pain potion in a little bit."  
  
Remus nodded. Sirius and he stood up. "Can you walk all right? You aren't going to pass out on me again are you?"  
  
"I don't think so," Sirius muttered.  
  
"Let's go," Remus said putting his arm around Sirius and guiding him to the stairs. They slowly climbed the stairs.  
  
"Your mum is really nice Moony," Mrs. Lupin heard from the stairs, she smiled to herself and went to the bathroom to find the potion for Sirius, laughing to herself at the nickname he apparently had for her son.  
  
Once they made it to Remus's room, Sirius sat on Remus's bed. Remus dragged his desk chair over and sat in front of him.  
  
"What did they do to you? And why did you come here instead of James's?"  
  
Sirius sighed deeply, not knowing exactly where to begin. "I guess I was just too mouthy at dinner...and then she caught me packing up some of my stuff. She refused to let me leave and...tied me up like she tied up Jack. She left me hanging from the ceiling for hours. I had to gnaw my way out of the rope. This arm got stuck...that's how it broke...it hurt like hell freeing it. Then I fell to the ground and landed on my knee. I was so scared that she's come back any minute...and do exactly what she did to him..." Sirius said, his voice cracking several times as he spoke.  
  
"So why'd you come here? Not that I mind of course."  
  
"They blocked the fireplace from going to the Potter's. My evil house elf informed me of that."  
  
"I'm glad you thought to come here."  
  
Sirius nodded and then buried his head in his hands. His shoulders began to shake with his silent tears. Remus moved next to him and pulled him into his arms, rubbing his back gently.  
  
His mother walked in just then and put the potion down on his dresser. "Give him the amount you take," she mouthed to him.  
  
"Okay," he mouthed back.  
  
She waved to him and left the room, silently pulling the door shut behind her.  
  
"You're going to be fine now Sirius," Remus whispered. "It's alright."  
  
Sirius nodded and pulled back, drying his eyes. Remus took that time to get up and grab the pain medication. He poured the right amount into a little cup and handed it to Sirius. "It makes you kind of drowsy. Drink it all and I'll find you something to wear to bed."  
  
"Okay," Sirius muttered and downed the potion, grimacing at the taste.  
  
Remus threw him a pair of pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt.  
  
Sirius quickly took off his dress robes and put the comfortable pajamas on. He then crawled into Remus's very large bed. Remus went to the bathroom for a moment and then joined him.  
  
"I like your house a lot Remus...it's so cozy."  
  
"That's because it's tiny."  
  
"It's not tiny...it's cozy."  
  
Remus laughed.  
  
"And it smells really good."  
  
"Really? What does it smell like?"  
  
Sirius sniffed and thought for a moment. "Well...you I guess."  
  
Remus again laughed. "Thanks I guess."  
  
Rolling over onto his stomach, and burying his head into the pillow Sirius muttered, "You're so lucky, Remus. You have a great mum and a great house. How's your dad?"  
  
"He's great too. He's away right now on business though. He could be back at anytime...I miss him. "  
  
"I wish I had parents I could miss."  
  
"I wish you did too. Go to sleep...I bet James will be here at the crack of dawn to get you!"  
  
"I kind of wish I could stay here. Your mom seems so cool with my not revealing any information. I love James mum, but I know from experience that she doesn't like being out of the loop."  
  
"Well...I'm sure you could stay until the full moon if you really wanted to. My mom wouldn't let you stay past that, though. She doesn't think it's safe enough."  
  
"Would that really be cool?" Sirius asked, propping himself up on his elbows and looking at his friend.  
  
Remus nodded. "I think so. I can talk to my mum about it in the morning."  
  
"James won't be happy...but I can make him understand."  
  
"He could probably stay for a while too."  
  
"Really?!"  
  
Remus laughed and nodded. Sirius grinned ear to ear.  
  
"Go to sleep Sirius!"  
  
Sirius laughed and then lay back down. He closed his eyes and was fast asleep in seconds. Remus watched him sleep and thought about all the shit his friend had gone through. If he had been in the same situation, Remus didn't think he'd have been strong enough to make it out alive.  
  
Remus climbed out of his bed and went back downstairs. His mother was at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and a book. She always enjoyed reading late at night and knew she'd be down there.  
  
"You should be in bed honey."  
  
"Not really tired," Remus mumbled sitting across from her.  
  
She marked her place in the book and set it aside, staring curiously at her son. "How's Sirius?"  
  
"Good...he was pretty upset for a while there...but he's sleeping now."  
  
"Did you give him the pain potion?"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"Good. So are you going to tell me what happened to him?"  
  
"Nope. He made me promise not to."  
  
"Is it really as serious as he was saying?"  
  
"Yeah, it really is. I've never met them, but I honestly think that Sirius's family is insane...he's never going back there."  
  
"He had better not. I can't imagine what state he'd be in if he hadn't gotten here. Why would he ever return to a place where he's treated like that?" she asked, genuinely concerned.  
  
"It's his home...he didn't intend on staying the whole summer. He was going to run away to James's house tonight or tomorrow. But I guess his parents blocked the floo network to the Potter's."  
  
Mrs. Lupin shook her head sadly.  
  
"Can he stay here for a while mum? He's supposed to go to James place, but he says he wants to stay here...and I want him to too...cuz it gets lonely way out here, you know. And it'll just be until the next full moon...please???"  
  
Laughing, Mrs. Lupin nodded. "Of course he can stay, he seems like a very nice young man."  
  
"Thanks mum! Ah, can James stay too? Don't want him to feel left out..." Remus continued.  
  
"Sure, sweetie."  
  
Remus beamed.  
  
"It looks like you've made some very good friends at Hogwarts, Remus...I'm so happy for you. And they know about your--?"  
  
"Condition? Yeah, Sirius and James figured it out at the end of first year and they're really cool with it."  
  
"Did I hear Sirius call you Moony?"  
  
"Yeah, they tried to make me feel better about being...a werewolf. Thought it was a cute name or something. They're always trying to make me feel better," Remus laughed.  
  
Suddenly he turned quite serious and looked back up at his mother. "Can I—um—can I tell you something that I did this year without you getting really mad or anything? It's kind of embarrassing and...it just wasn't smart."  
  
She looked at him concerned and nodded.  
  
"Okay...well remember Brie? You met her at the train station at the end of fifth year."  
  
"Of course, she was such a sweet girl. Are you still seeing her?"  
  
Remus shook his head and looked down at the table. "Well we broke up a little over a month ago...she thought I was cheating on her or something because I would disappear a lot and wouldn't tell her where I was. She was terrified of werewolves, so I could never tell her why I disappeared. So she...dumped me. And, well, it broke my heart. All I could think was that I could never be really happy because...well because no one can love a werewolf."  
  
"Remus..."  
  
"No, just listen," Remus commanded and took a deep breath. "So that day I marched upstairs and got into the bathtub and filled it up. I just wanted all the pain to go away. So I let it go up past my chin...and then over my head...and just sat there. I lost consciousness and then woke up a few minutes later to Sirius holding me up and the water slowly draining. He had seen me go upstairs..." Remus looked up at his mom and saw tears pouring down her face.  
  
"He told me how stupid I was being...he told me everything would be alright and that killing myself wasn't the answer...and he was right. He helped me move on."  
  
"Why are you telling me this now?! Why didn't you tell me when it happened?"  
  
"I was embarrassed mum...I almost made the biggest mistake of my life. I—I don't even understand why I did it anymore. If Sirius hadn't been there...I don't even want to think about that. And as to why I'm telling you now...see, it's like this, he helped me move on from Brie. I don't think I could have done it without him, I really don't. And now...he has all these problems and I want to help him. But I just don't know how to!"  
  
"Oh, Remus...I think you're already doing that. I saw how you were comforting him and taking care of him. That's all you can do for him, and I'm sure that's all he did for you. He can stay for the next three weeks and you'll do everything for him that he's done for you. I think you're already helping him immensely, sweetheart."  
  
Remus smiled slightly and stood up. "Thanks mum."  
  
She stood up as well and went up to her son putting her arms around him and kissing the top of his head several times. "Don't you dare ever try to end your life again! You're strong Remus you can get through anything!"  
  
Remus nodded. "I know...I wish the whole thing had never happened. I'm sorry it did mum."  
  
"It's alright Remus," she whispered squeezing him tighter.  
  
Remus laughed and said, "You're kind of hurting me mum."  
  
"That's your punishment," she quipped. "Good night honey, I love you."  
  
"Love you too."  
  
With a last kiss to his forehead Mrs. Lupin freed him from her grasp and watched him leave the kitchen. She sat down and shook her head sadly, picking her book back up.  
  
Remus returned to bed where Sirius was still soundly sleeping. He curled up beside him and was soon just as soundly sleeping.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"WAKE UP!!!"  
  
Sirius and Remus simultaneously sat straight up in bed, looking first at each other and then at the source of the noise.  
  
"James!" Sirius exclaimed. "Must you ALWAYS wake us up like that?!"  
  
"Indeed," James said cheekily.  
  
"Your mom showed me up here," he said to Remus.  
  
Remus nodded. James sat at the foot of the bed and looked at Sirius seriously, "Remus wrote and told me you had a broken arm and a sprained knee. What the Hell happened...and why didn't you come to my place."  
  
"I tried to go to your place as planned...but my parents decided they didn't want me at your house. So they blocked our fireplace from going to your house. So I came here. Do I have to talk about what happened yesterday?" Sirius asked in a small voice, like a child.  
  
James gave him a small sympathetic smile, "No, you don't...but I'd like to know."  
  
Sirius looked at Remus and gave his best puppy dog eyes. "Fine, I'll tell him."  
  
"Thank you!" Sirius said and then rolled over and covered his head with his pillow.  
  
Remus retold everything he could remember as best as he could. James became far more subdued as he heard the story. When Remus was done James removed the pillow from Sirius's head and forced him to sit up.  
  
"Are you okay now?" James asked.  
  
Sirius smiled painfully and nodded.  
  
His smile slowly broke down though and he had to bite his lip to stop himself from crying.  
  
"He's alright physically...but it left some mental scarring...right Padfoot?" Remus asked Sirius nodded. James crawled up next to Sirius and put his arms around him. Remus rubbed his back.  
  
"Never again," James whispered. Sirius nodded and pulled away, wiping the edge of his eyes for any tears that may have leaked over. Remus squeezed the back of his neck gently.  
  
"Let's change the subject," James declared. "When are we going to my house?"  
  
Sirius looked up at Remus. "Actually, James...if it's okay with you, Sirius wanted to stay here for a bit. You can stay too...until the next full moon. My mum said it was fine?"  
  
James looked momentarily confused and even slightly hurt. He looked from Remus to Sirius and back again several times and then broke into a smile. "That sounds like an excellent idea!"  
  
Remus laughed in relief, he had thought James was going to protest it.  
  
"I think I have to go back home today...and for tomorrow because tomorrow is my grandmother's birthday....but I can probably be back by Tuesday. I'll go home now and owl you after I ask my parents, okay?"  
  
They both nodded.  
  
"If you guys need anything just owl or something alright. Sirius, feel better soon, alright mate!"  
  
Sirius smiled and nodded, giving James another hug. "I'll see you guys in a few days!" James then exited the room.  
  
"You already talked to your mom?"  
  
Remus nodded. "Last night after you fell asleep I went down and talked to her. I also told her about what happened with Brie..."  
  
"You did?!"  
  
"Yeah...I thought she should know. I thought she deserved to know."  
  
"How did she take it?"  
  
"She cried...but she wasn't angry or anything. I assured her it wouldn't happen again."  
  
"Does she know about what I did to you...?"  
  
Remus sighed and shook his head. "I think it best that she doesn't find out about that."  
  
"I must say I agree."  
  
"Hungry?" Remus asked.  
  
"Starving! They didn't let me finish my dinner yesterday, and I haven't eaten a thing since."  
  
Remus shook his head angrily. "Come on then!" He stood up and waited for Sirius to get out too.  
  
"How's the knee and arm?"  
  
"Very good...your mum did a superb job!"  
  
"Let's hope she did as good a job on breakfast!" Remus replied and led the way downstairs to the kitchen.  
  
A large plate of eggs, bacon and pancakes was already set out. Mrs. Lupin and presumably Mr. Lupin were already there, reading the daily prophet as they ate. They both looked up as they heard the boys enter.  
  
"Dad! You're back!" Remus said and walked up to his father.  
  
"There's my boy!" Mr. Lupin exclaimed standing up and embracing his son. He stroked his hair several times and then kissed him atop the head.  
  
"When did you get in?" Remus asked.  
  
"Around midnight. Apparently you had just headed to bed. Mum says you told her something important but wouldn't tell me what. Are you going to speak to me about this, too?"  
  
Remus looked uncomfortable and backed away from his father slightly. "I guess you should know. We'll talk about it later."  
  
Sirius watched the exchange with intense interest. He never really had any contact at all with his own father, though it couldn't have been like this if he had, and James's father was never around much either. Sirius was fascinated by the relationship Remus and his Dad seemed to have.  
  
Mr. Lupin then turned his attention to Sirius and said, "You must be Sirius. Marie told me you'd be joining us for a while."  
  
"That's me," Sirius said and shook his hand.  
  
"She said you were in pretty rough shape last night. Are you alright now?"  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
"He's fine dad, just sick of talking about it."  
  
"Point taken. Anyway, welcome, Sirius," he said and sat back down at the table.  
  
"Thanks," Sirius said, smiling. He and Remus sat down as well and ate a delicious, peaceful breakfast while Sirius got to know Remus's parents better.  
  
They didn't question him further on the events of the previous night. They understood that he didn't want to talk about it and were willing to let it go.  
  
Sirius knew he was going to enjoy his stay at the Lupin's.  
  
And that's all for now. One chapter left to wrap it all up and tie up any loose ends! Tell me if there's anything you want to see in it, because I honestly don't even know what it's going to consist of. I'm sure I'll think of something though!  
  
Please Review!!! 


	11. Moving On

Hey All!!! Sorry it's been so long since an update. I've had this chapter done for like a week now but I wanted to get review reviews out...but I've had the busiest past two weeks of my life, so I didn't get around to them, and I didn't want to keep you all waiting any longer. I just didn't have the time to write out thank yous to everyone, but I really appreciate all the great reviews!  
  
This is the last chapter, I hope you all enjoy!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Moving On  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After breakfast Sirius and Remus took a hike through the forest that was Remus's backyard. All the while, Remus pointed out places where he had played as a child. As they got deeper into the forest Remus got more and more subdued. Sirius wondered why.  
  
"We can head back if you want Rem...you don't look so good."  
  
"I'm fine. I just want to show you one more place."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
Remus nodded. They walked on in silence until Remus stopped by an old oak tree and sat down beside it, resting his back on the trunk. Sirius did the same and noticed old carvings in it, they were random lines, as though done by an animal. It took Sirius mere seconds to understand where they were.  
  
"This is where you got bit?"  
  
Remus bit his lip and nodded. "You know my dad's a muggle, right?"  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
"Well we were out here, and he was hunting. It was the first time he had allowed me to come along. We were right here and my dad spotted a fox. It got away because it heard me walking. So my Dad told me to stay here, this is exactly where I sat and waited while he followed the fox. About five minutes after he left me...I heard a growl and looked over there," he pointed towards a large group of bushes. "I saw the glowing eyes of the wolf staring right at me. Before I could even get to my feet to run he was on me. I screamed so loud when it bit me. My Dad was there in no time and shot the wolf. It would have killed me otherwise."  
  
The boys sat in silence for a minute. Remus brought his hand up and traced the old claw marks in the tree. "It missed me a few times," he said quietly.  
  
"You never told me how old you were when it happened."  
  
Remus looked up with a slight glimmer in his eyes, "I was almost five."  
  
"Wow," Sirius said sadly.  
  
Remus nodded. "I remember how guilty my dad felt. He figured if he hadn't left me alone nothing would have happened. If he hadn't, we probably both would have been cursed. It wasn't his fault at all."  
  
Sirius shook his head. "My Dad probably would have let it kill me...then he'd have shot it, or rather cursed it. You're lucky you have him."  
  
"I know. And my parents are so cool about it, you know. I just feel like there's something I could have done. Something I SHOULD have done. I just sat there and let the thing attack me."  
  
"You were five years old Rem! If you fought against it, it would have all been in vain. There's nothing you could have done."  
  
Remus shrugged and leaned his head back against the tree.  
  
Sirius shook with a sudden chill. After finding out what had happened there he did not want to sit there any longer. He stood up and stepped in front of Remus. "Let's go back to your house," he said and pulled Remus to his feet.  
  
Together they walked away from the tree. Remus turned back after several steps and looked at the tree. He sighed and continued on.  
  
"You okay, mate?" Sirius asked.  
  
Remus nodded and stared at the ground as he continued on.  
  
"Did you know that when a werewolf is killed in wolf form it returns to its human form?"  
  
"No, I didn't."  
  
"After my dad shot the wolf it turned back. It was Mr. Jones from down the street. He used to baby-sit me sometimes." He continued to look at the ground as he walked on.  
  
Sirius stopped walking and waited for Remus to do the same. When he did Sirius stepped closer and pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry, Remus," he muttered.  
  
Remus took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry too."  
  
Sirius heard him Remus sniff several times and hugged him tighter. They both clung to each other as though their lives depended on it.  
  
Remus eventually pulled away. Sirius looked at his friend and asked, "Do you go back there often?"  
  
"No," Remus said quietly. "That was the first time I've been there since that night."  
  
"Why'd you do it today?"  
  
Remus looked up with the most serious expression Sirius had ever seen and said, "Because you're with me."  
  
Sirius smiled sadly and wrapped an arm around Remus's shoulder and began leading him back through the forest.  
  
"Did it help?" Sirius asked as they went.  
  
"I think so, Sirius," he muttered. "I think so."  
  
Sirius sighed and said, "Well...what's done is done, right? I guess you just have to move on...just like me."  
  
"I wish we didn't have to...I wish we could take away the past."  
  
"Me too, but we can't."  
  
Remus shook his head. They walked the rest of the way back to the house in silence.  
  
Once back inside they washed up and ate lunch with Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. Remus's parents sensed that something was wrong.  
  
"Are you boys okay?" Mr. Lupin asked after cracking several jokes and not getting so much as a snicker.  
  
"We're fine dad."  
  
"Why do you seem so down. You seemed fine at breakfast."  
  
Sirius looked at Remus, who was staring in annoyance at his plate.  
  
"It's nothing Dad."  
  
"I haven't seen you like this in a long time Remus...did you boys have a fight or something?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Remus, please do not talk like that to your father," Mrs. Lupin said sternly.  
  
Remus sighed and looked helplessly at Sirius.  
  
"We went for a walk in the forest," Sirius stated, as if that told all.  
  
Mr. Lupin looked from Remus to Sirius and back again. "You didn't go..."  
  
"Yeah I did. I had to go there again."  
  
"Why would you do that to yourself?"  
  
Remus sighed. "I just had to do it Dad...to go back again. I don't know why."  
  
"Well did it do anything other than make you sad?"  
  
Looking down at his plate Remus mumbled a feeble "yes."  
  
"And what's that?"  
  
"It made me realize that I didn't deserve it!"  
  
All eyes were on Remus as he said this.  
  
"You thought you deserved that?" Sirius asked, shocked.  
  
"Well...yeah. I always just felt so stupid for letting it happen. But seeing where I was again...seeing what happened to the tree, all of it. I guess it made me realize that it wasn't my fault."  
  
"It was never your fault Remus. It was my fault."  
  
"No it wasn't!" Remus yelled. "It wasn't your fault Dad! I was the one who always begged you to take me with you. I made you feel guilty for not taking me. So you did and I got in the way. It was my own fault!"  
  
"Remus..."  
  
"I just want to be alone," Remus said and pushed his chair back, storming to his room.  
  
Sirius was left in an awkward silence between himself and Remus's parents.  
  
"Maybe I should go see if he's okay," Sirius finally said.  
  
"I don't think that's a good idea," Remus's mother replied. "He wants to be alone."  
  
"You know what happened the last time Remus wanted to be alone...I think I need to go see him."  
  
Mrs. Lupin sighed and nodded while Mr. Lupin just looked confused. Sirius pushed back his chair and slowly walked to Remus's room.  
  
Remus was sitting on the edge of his bed, picking dry skin off his hand.  
  
"Hey," Sirius said quietly.  
  
"Hey. I'm really sorry about that. I just hate when my dad blames himself, you know? He didn't even know that werewolves existed..."  
  
Sirius just nodded and sat beside him.  
  
"Sorry I just left you down there."  
  
"It's fine Remus, really. Don't even worry about it."  
  
"I mean you don't even know them really...I don't know why I did that..."  
  
"Remus, it's alright."  
  
"I'm so stupid," he muttered dropping his chin down to his chest.  
  
"No you aren't Moony. You didn't do anything wrong."  
  
Sirius saw his friends lip tremble. He sighed wondering why Remus had felt compelled to show Sirius the place he'd been attacked.  
  
"It's alright Moony, come here," he whispered, pulling his friend close to him for the second time that day. Again, however, Remus refused to let himself cry.  
  
"What did I do to deserve this curse? What did you do to deserve your family? I just wish I could understand..." Remus whispered in a heartbreaking voice.  
  
"We didn't do anything Remus," Sirius muttered. "Maybe this is just how our lives were supposed to be. We don't deserve these things...we've done nothing wrong."  
  
"I wish it felt like that."  
  
"I do too, Moony," Sirius said, sighing.  
  
Remus pulled away and looked around his room.  
  
"I think I should go apologize to my Dad...he only tries to make me feel better."  
  
"Do you want me to come with you?"  
  
"Sure," Remus said as he stood up, taking a deep breath.  
  
They made their way down the stairs and through the living room. As they were about to enter the kitchen they heard a noise and turned to see a figure fall out of the fireplace. The figure was crying.  
  
"James?!" Sirius asked incredulously. Neither he nor Remus had ever seen James cry. The boy really had nothing to cry about.  
  
Sirius rushed over and pulled him to his feet, Remus close behind.  
  
"What's wrong?!" Remus asked.  
  
James looked sadly at Sirius and choked out, "Your parents came to my house looking for you...before they got inside my mum pushed me out of the room and told me to come here. I-I'm really scared."  
  
"My parents...I'm so sorry James. This is all my fault! I have to go there. They won't hurt them if they get me!" Sirius lunged for the fireplace and threw in a handful of floo powder.  
  
"NO!" James yelled and tackled Sirius to the floor. "That isn't going to help anything Sirius!"  
  
Sirius was gaping at James as he had him pinned to the floor.  
  
"What's going on in here?" Mr. Lupin asked as he and Mrs. Lupin entered the room.  
  
"James's parents sent him here. Sirius's parents are trying to find him there," Remus stated and went over to help Sirius and James up.  
  
"I have to go there. There is no telling what my parents could do to them!"  
  
"None of you boys are going anywhere," Mr. Lupin said in a stern voice.  
  
"Sirius, do your parents know who we are?" Mrs. Lupin asked.  
  
Sirius shook his head. "They really only know that I'm friends with James."  
  
"And James did they see...or rather hear you come here?"  
  
"No they weren't in the house yet."  
  
"Okay, I'm going to floo to the ministry for help. Jeff," she said turning to her husband, "Do not let any of these boys out of your sight!"  
  
She disappeared moments later.  
  
James collapsed into a nearby arm chair, tears still streaming down his face. Remus knelt down in front of him and said, "James your parents are both excellent wizards, they can fend for themselves."  
  
"What if they can't?! What the Hell would I do without my parents. And I mean look what they've done to Sirius...to his friend!"  
  
Mr. Lupin turned to Sirius ready to ask what the others were talking about but saw that he was nowhere in sight.  
  
"Where'd Sirius go?" he asked, suddenly alarmed.  
  
James and Remus's heads both snapped up and they looked around.  
  
"You two don't move an inch!" he yelled and began searching the house. He wasn't in any of the rooms. He pulled open the back door and saw Sirius several yards away sitting in the grass.  
  
Slowly he approached the troubled boy and sat beside him.  
  
"Would you care to tell me why you're out here?"  
  
Sirius looked up at Mr. Lupin. "I'm trying to figure out what to do."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well I can't stay here! They'll come after you too. I may as well go back home and let them do what they want with me."  
  
"That seems rather cowardly. Remus told me that Gryffindor's were supposed to be brave."  
  
"It is brave Mr. Lupin! I'm not going to let anyone else get hurt because of me!"  
  
"Nobody else will be hurt because of you. Bravery isn't about thinking of everyone but yourself. You have to do what's right for Sirius."  
  
Sirius just shook his head. "James parents could be dead right now...for the simple reason that they know me!"  
  
"And did James seem upset with you about that."  
  
"No but he should have been..."  
  
"Would you have been angry if the situation had been reversed?"  
  
Sirius bit his lip shaking his head.  
  
"Now I don't know what your parents have done in the past and I have a feeling you aren't going to tell me. But it's clear that it is not safe to go back there. So you're staying here as long as you want."  
  
"Do you know what you're getting yourself in to?" Sirius asked sadly.  
  
"Not really because you are the most secretive teenager I've ever met. But I'm willing to take this risk. I don't know what you've done because nobody tells me anything, but it's clear that you've been there for my son when he needs someone the most. Now it's his—our turn to do the same for you."  
  
Sirius nodded his had sadly.  
  
"Those boys are worried about you now too. So let's go back inside."  
  
"Fine," Sirius muttered and stood up.  
  
Mr. Lupin put a comforting arm around Sirius's shoulders as they walked back into the house.  
  
When they returned to the living room, they saw that James had stopped crying. Remus was sitting on the arm of his chair trying to reassure him that everything would be alright.  
  
"Sorry guys," Sirius muttered as he walked back in.  
  
"Are you okay?" Remus asked.  
  
Sirius nodded and sat down. They all sat in relative silence for approximately thirty more minutes.  
  
Everyone looked up as the fireplace roared and Mrs. Lupin came spinning out.  
  
James immediately stood up, "What happened?! Are they okay?!"  
  
Mrs. Lupin held up a finger and looked back at the fireplace. Everyone turned their attentions to the fireplace. Another figure came spinning out.  
  
"Mum!" James called and ran up to her, hugging her tightly. "Thank God," he whispered.  
  
She hugged back. "It's okay James," she whispered into his messy hair.  
  
"Where's Dad?" he asked, pulling away and looking at his mothers face.  
  
"St. Mungo's."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"He's fine, just got hit with a minor curse. He'll be fine in a few hours." She stroked his hair and kissed his forehead.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Julie," Sirius whispered quietly from where he was standing nearby.  
  
"Oh Sirius," she said sadly, "It's not your fault honey."  
  
Sirius stepped forward and hugged Mrs. Potter tightly and broke down in tears.  
  
"Shhhh," she whispered, rubbing his back soothingly. "Sirius everything is going to be alright."  
  
"What happened to my parents?"  
  
"The ministry took them in. They'll probably get off, but I don't think they'll be coming by our house again."  
  
"But they'll come after me again."  
  
"Actually, we've got an idea about that. They can't try to get you if you're no longer under their care. Ever since James owled us about having you stay for the summer we've been working out a way to have you be ours. We've got the papers almost completely finished to get custody of you."  
  
Sirius backed up and gaped at Mrs. Potter. "Are-are you serious?!"  
  
Mrs. Potter smiled and nodded. Sirius again embraced her. She hugged back tightly. "It's going to be about a month until it's official. You'll stay here until that time if that's what you want. It's probably safest that way."  
  
"Thank you Julie...just are you sure it's okay? I mean, how do you know my parents won't do this again."  
  
"Because...as James I'm sure would put it, we kicked their asses."  
  
Sirius laughed and dried his tears.  
  
Suddenly there was a weight on his back and arms across his chest.  
  
"We're going to be brothers!" James cheered from where he hung from Sirius's shoulders.  
  
Everyone laughed at them. James hopped down smiling. "Can we go see Dad?" he asked his mum. Mrs. Potter nodded.  
  
James turned to Sirius and Remus, "I'll be back day after tomorrow to stay, okay?"  
  
"Yup, see you then," Remus muttered. The Lupin's and Sirius watched James and his mum floo to St. Mungo's.  
  
Sirius sighed deeply after watching them go. "I'm going to your room Remus."  
  
"Are you alright?" Remus asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
Remus watched him leave the room. He knew Sirius was happy with the news he'd received, but he also knew the guilt his friend was probably feeling as well. Sirius had always been willing to take the blame for everything, and there was no way that this situation would be any different.  
  
Sighing Remus turned to his parents.  
  
"It's time to talk Remus," his father said, sitting down in an armchair. His mother sat on the couch and Remus joined her.  
  
"I'm really sorry about flipping out earlier, Dad. That's what I was coming down to tell you when James popped in."  
  
"That's fine Remus. Don't even worry about it."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Now we want to talk to you about two things. One, whatever it was that you told your mother last night. And two, what Sirius's parents have done in the past."  
  
Remus sighed. He retold the story of Brie and his breakup to his father as quickly as he could without stirring up any old emotions.  
  
"You really wanted to end your life?" Mr. Lupin asked, shocked.  
  
"Yes...and I know how stupid it was. It was just a spur of the moment thing. I'll never ever consider it again, I swear."  
  
"I just don't understand....you didn't think anyone loved you? What about your mother and me? What about your friends?"  
  
Remus looked down blushing slightly, "At that point I was just thinking with my heart...I was thinking about that kind of love. Not the other kinds."  
  
"Love is love, sweetie," Mrs. Lupin said simply.  
  
"I know. I'm sorry."  
  
"If you ever feel that way again I want you to send a letter immediately. Go find James or Sirius and tell them what's going on," Mr. Lupin instructed.  
  
Remus was getting slightly annoyed. "I will Dad! And it won't be happening again!"  
  
"Good," he said sternly.  
  
"Now what's the issue with Sirius's parents?" Mrs. Lupin asked.  
  
"They're evil...the whole family is. Sirius is like—the opposite of the black sheep of the family. White sheep? I don't know."  
  
"What did they do to him?"  
  
"I won't go into specific detail because Sirius would kill me, but they pretty much just tortured him, more mentally than physically. Then, this year at school we found out that his brother is one of those Dark Lord supporters. He attacked Sirius."  
  
"Why do they do this to him?"  
  
Remus shrugged, "Because he wants to be a good person I guess. None of us have ever met them, but we've known from the start that they were nothing but trouble. Sirius actually has nightmares about them."  
  
"The poor kid. I'm glad he's out of there now," Mrs. Lupin said, shaking her head. "How anyone can be so cruel to such a sweet boy!"  
  
Remus just shrugged. "I'm gonna go see what he's up to. Thanks for taking care of things mum."  
  
Mrs. Lupin smiled and nodded as her son left the room.  
  
"I can't believe he's been through so much...and he's only 16."  
  
"Remus or Sirius?"  
  
"Both, I guess...neither of them have exactly had the best of lives."  
  
"They're doing better than can be expected, though, wouldn't you say?" Mrs. Lupin replied.  
  
"Is trying to kill yourself better than expected?" Mr. Lupin asked bluntly.  
  
"Jeffrey! He made a mistake and he's been fine since. He is doing very good!"  
  
"I worry about him. The world is a cruel place...especially for a werewolf. It doesn't take a wizard to figure that one out."  
  
"He'll be fine. As long as he has us and his friends he'll be just fine."  
  
Mr. Lupin nodded and then left the room.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Upon reaching his room Remus found Sirius lying face down on his bed. He wasn't sure if his friend was asleep or not, so he flopped down beside him, also with his face down on the bed. He lay there for a while until he heard Sirius move. He looked up to find Sirius's head now turned towards him, a sad expression on his face.  
  
"What if James hadn't come here? What if he hadn't gotten out in time?"  
  
"He did get out and he did come here...everything's fine."  
  
Sirius sighed and rolled onto his back staring at the ceiling. Remus didn't move.  
  
"The entire Potter family could have been killed and it would have been entirely my fault," he mumbled, closing his eyes as he spoke.  
  
"It wouldn't have been your fault Sirius! It would have been your parents."  
  
"But inadversely...inadvertently...whatever that word is! It would have been my fault. If..."  
  
"Why do you worry about the ifs?! Those things didn't happen and they won't. Every member of the Potter family is still alive. You're still here and you're going to be a member of that family! Stop worrying about what could have happened."  
  
Sirius sighed deeply and rolled back to his stomach. "I don't even know what to feel anymore, Moony. Like I'm happy and sad and guilty and scared...and all these things. Why do our lives suck like this?"  
  
Remus laughed lightly. "I don't know Padfoot...I don't know."  
  
"You have such a nice family, Moony...do you realize how lucky you are?"  
  
Remus nodded. "I love them to pieces. I wish you could have had the same kind of family."  
  
"Me too," Sirius said sadly.  
  
"But you're joining one now."  
  
"It's still not the same. I can't thank them enough for doing all that for me though. I can't even believe it!" he laughed incredulously. Remus smiled back at him. "I just hope I don't cause any more trouble for them."  
  
"You won't. Everything will work itself out." Remus smiled reassuringly and squeezed Sirius's shoulder.  
  
"I hope you're right...I'm still worried about what my parents might do. I don't know why they can't just let me be. They don't want me! They just want to make me miserable...make me suffer."  
  
"They got caught though, Sirius...do you think they're going to risk getting sent to Azkaban just so they can torture you?"  
  
"No....I don't, but I can't be sure. They're sick people."  
  
"I know," Remus whispered. Yawning he muttered, "I'm exhausted...you?"  
  
Sirius nodded and buried his face back into the pillow. Remus curled up on his side, facing Sirius and both fell into a peaceful slumber.  
  
A couple of hours later Sirius awoke to the setting sun. He rolled over and saw Remus next to him, still soundly sleeping. He smiled at the sight. Remus always looked about 10 years younger when he was sleeping. His hands were curled up under his chin, and he wore a peaceful smile. Sirius wished everything was as peaceful as that smile led on.  
  
He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.  
  
He thought about how bad everything had been up until then. He really felt like a load had been lifted from his shoulders. Living with his parents, he really felt like he had to take care of himself, but now he had people who would take care of him. James and his parents were allowing him into their family. Remus and his family were doing the same. Sirius didn't think he could ever thank them enough.  
  
He sighed deeply and then climbed out of the bed. Sitting down on the large window ledge, Sirius gazed out at the Lupin's peaceful backyard. The sky above was a beautiful mix of pink and orange hues that mesmerized Sirius. He was never a nature lover, but that day he found beauty in it.  
  
He heard a yawn and looked back to the bed where Remus was waking up.  
  
"Are you okay Sirius?"  
  
Sirius smiled genuinely and nodded.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
Sirius just shrugged and looked back out the window, his smile didn't fade.  
  
"What are you smiling about?"  
  
Sirius again glanced at him but didn't say a word.  
  
Remus laughed quietly and stood up. "Sirius? What is going on?"  
  
Sirius didn't answer but his smile widened. "You prat...what is going on with you?!"  
  
"We're going to be okay, Remus, you and I."  
  
Remus stopped smiling back and looked curiously at his friend. "What makes you think that?"  
  
"Well...it has to. And we've had enough shit wouldn't you say?"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"So it's time that things start to look up. If fate doesn't let us be happy...we'll make ourselves happy. Fuck fate!" He said smiling wildly.  
  
Remus laughed. "I think I like where you're going with this."  
  
"Good," Sirius said with a smile. "I think we just need to stop thinking in the past...you know?"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"We need to stop dwelling on the past and focus on making the future better. Think we can do it?"  
  
"Yeah...we definitely can do it," he smiled and sat beside Sirius. "What made you come to this conclusion?"  
  
Sirius shrugged and again looked wistfully out the window. "I think it's because I've reached the breaking point...If I don't move on, what is the rest of my life going to be like? It won't be fun."  
  
"You're right," Remus said grinning.  
  
Both boys were so happy and they couldn't really explain why. It was just an idea. They had yet to discover whether or not it would actually work, but it didn't matter.  
  
"I'm not saying the future is going to be perfect...it could be worse than the past, but we can't look at it like that. We have to see it like everything is going to work out just fine. We can do it."  
  
Remus nodded, "Together we can do it."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hey, Harry, how are you doing?" Remus asked as he sat in the boys room at number 4 Privet Drive.  
  
"I'm fine," Harry replied his voice cracking.  
  
Remus put his arm around Harry's shoulder. "Don't lie to me, Harry."  
  
"It's all my fault Remus!" he yelled and nearly broke down in tears, burying his head against Remus's arm.  
  
"No, Harry, it's not your fault. I don't blame you, your friends don't blame you, and Sirius certainly wouldn't blame you. You just did what you thought was right. You followed you heart."  
  
"Yeah and look where that got everyone!" The tears then began to trickle down the boys cheeks.  
  
"Harry everyone makes mistakes..."  
  
"Yeah, but most people's mistakes don't cause their godfather to die," he whispered, trying to dry his eyes.  
  
"It wasn't your fault...and you can't dwell on this as you are! You need to move on...get past it."  
  
"Have you? Have you already forgotten your best friend?" Harry asked harshly.  
  
Remus looked momentarily shocked and hurt, but he shook his head and replied, "Of course not, Harry. I could never forget Sirius, and I never want to. But I can't sit around every day of my life pitying myself. I've tried that, it doesn't work."  
  
Harry didn't respond, but tried to wipe the hot tears off his cheeks.  
  
"You know how terrible Sirius's childhood was, right?"  
  
Harry nodded, his lip trembling. "He told me last summer...sounds like it was almost as bad as mine."  
  
"You probably won't believe this but it was actually worse than yours...that is until he ran away. And my life, was just as bad....even though I had loving parents. It's not easy being a teenage werewolf."  
  
Harry nodded sadly.  
  
"We were both dwelling in the past so much that life just wasn't really doable anymore...so we made a pact to stop dwelling on what's happened in the past and focus on making the future better. That's what I did when your parents died Harry, and when Sirius was taken away...and I had to do it now too, when Sirius left us. You need to do it too Harry...you have to," he said in a quiet yet forceful voice.  
  
Sniffling Harry shook his head and said, "I don't think I can do that Remus."  
  
"Yes you can Harry...believe in it and you can. One day you and I will both be with Sirius again...but it's not our time yet. We need to live fully until that time comes."  
  
Harry stared at Remus for a few minutes and then nodded.  
  
"You're not going to get past this overnight, but slowly the pain will go away. You'll remember the good, albeit limited amount of time you got to spend with him...and it'll make you smile. Sirius wouldn't want your memory of him to be a sad one."  
  
Harry again nodded and dried his face. "Thanks Remus," he mumbled and gave a watery smile.  
  
Remus squeezed the back of Harry's neck and replied, "Your welcome. And if you ever need anything just owl me...alright?"  
  
"Yeah," Harry whispered.  
  
"Less then a month till you're back at Hogwarts...you can do it. I'll check in on in you again in a week or so, alright?"  
  
"Okay. Bye Remus," Harry said and sat back against the pillows on his bed.  
  
"Bye Harry," Remus mumbled and left the room. He walked past the wards surrounding the house and apparated to his home.  
  
Sighing as he walked into his living room, he stepped up to the mantel of his fire place. He picked up a picture of him and Sirius, taken during Sirius's brief stay at his home.  
  
"I miss you Sirius," he whispered, smiling sadly at the picture. It was right after they had taken up their new outlook on life. "I told you I could do it...when we were together. But now? I don't know if I can. But I guess I have to right? I promised I'd never attempt...that again. And I won't...but it's getting harder and harder not to live in the past...I wish you were here."  
  
Remus sighed again and put the picture down. He walked to his bedroom and lay down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. As he lay there Remus couldn't help but wonder why he had been spared, and Sirius forced to go.  
  
"There must be a reason," Remus murmured. And he planned on finding out what that reason was. It was the only way he could move on.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The End!!!!  
  
Please let me know what you thought of that chapter or the story as a whole! I enjoyed writing it and will hopefully be coming out with more in the future. My plans right now are to polish up In Need of Sirius Help; finish writing All for You; and start something fresh. If anyone out there has a fanfiction challenge let me know! I'd love to do one :)  
  
Thanks for Reading!!! 


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